Wishin' and Hopin' Page #6

I will speak with Mrs. Frechette

about this.

And before everyone leave

for the day...

I would like for us all

to wish Felix good luck

On his television appearance

tomorrow.

I know we will all be watching.

With all

that pageant excitement,

I'd almost completely forgotten

about ranger Andy.

In honor of my big debut,

Pop lugged our television set

down to the diner

And spread the word

to all the regulars

That he'd have free pie

and coffee

For the ranger Andy broadcast.

Make us proud, Lix.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Yeah, don't choke

when you get up there.

Choke on what?

She means don't freeze up.

He's gonna do just fine.

Aren't you, Felix?

That night,

I was a bundle of nerves.

What if I did choke

on live television?

I'd be the laughingstock

of the entire school,

Especially to Rosalie Twerski.

No, everything

was gonna be fine.

Everything was gonna be just...

Pop.

Felix, what's wrong?

I'm thinking about it again.

About what?

The head.

Felix,

I told you.

It's just your imagination.

Now go back to sleep

before you wake your mother.

I can't.

Well, I'm not sleeping

in your room.

Once was enough.

I was wondering if I could

sleep in here with you.

I don't know, Felix.

You're ten years old.

Don't you think

it's a little much?

Please, pop?

Sal, just let him stay

So we can all go back

to sleep.

Fine.

Go get your sleeping bag.

Felix...

Felix...

who's that?

Felix...

help me, Felix.

Is that you, Simone?

It's the head.

What's going on?

None of us were able

to get back to sleep,

So the next day, I was surviving

on pure adrenaline.

Beer on the wall

85 bottles of beer

on the wall

85 bottles of beer

take one down

pass it around

Ma.

I don't think Danny's

feeling so good.

Honey, are you okay?

What's wrong?

Oh... Oh, my...

My, my, my...

We have to pull over.

83 bottles of beer

on the wall

83 bottles of beer

For the love

of all that is holy,

Shut up!

And as you can see,

this is where it all happens.

Fun fact...

The ranger station was

nothing like it looked on TV,

But it didn't matter.

- Real, live wood.

- This was the big-Time.

Speaking of which,

Who's that coming down the trail

over there?

Ranger Andy!

And how are

all my junior rangers today?

- Great.

- All right.

Now, when the show starts,

I'm gonna lead you in

through that door,

And you all are gonna come in

and introduce yourselves.

What you don't want to do

is stare at the microphone.

Because if you do,

This is what y're gonna look

like on TV...

Okay, now,

Hmm...

who would like to volunteer

To bring down the mailbag today?

It was a known fact

That the kid

who brought the mailbag down

Got the most screen time.

How about you, young man?

All right, then.

Rats.

People always say that

we look like each other.

Ma even has this picture

of the two of us

In a playpen

when we were very little,

And you can't even tell us

apart.

Simone, Annette is, like,

five years older than you.

She was very small

for her age, Frances.

Oh, hey, everybody,

it's on.

My name is ranger Andy

and I've traveled all around

and I am writing you a song

about the things I've found

I'll sing

about the mysteries

Look alive,

gentlemen and ladies.

Did everyone use the bathroom?

Good?

Okay.

Wipe your nose.

Everyone, stand by.

This was it.

In a few seconds,

I, Felix Funicello,

Would be a bona fide

television celebrity.

Nothing to be nervous about.

- Ready, ranger Andy?

- Ready when you are.

We are going live

in five,

Four, three...

hi, everyone, and welcome

to the ranger station.

My, we got a lot of boys

and girls coming down the trail,

So let me bring them in.

Then they can introduce

themselves.

Well, welcome

to the ranger station.

Come on in.

Take a seat.

Danny might have

looked cleaned up,

But the second those hot lights

hit his uniform...

a lot of sailors today, huh?

All right.

Okay, here come the scouts.

Great.

More sailors.

Congratulations, Sal.

We're so proud of you.

Bobby Lubachino.

Kevin.

Brandon.

Danny.

Felix Funicello.

Which one of our guests

would like to come down

And lead us in

the pledge of allegiance today?

This was my shot.

How about you, young lady?

And stand here on the blue dot

for me.

There we go.

Right over there.

That's perfect.

All right, thank you.

All right, you all know the

ching dong diddle song, right?

- Yes!

- All right.

Okay, a-One, two,

one, two, three.

Ching dong diddle

and a hi-Dee-Dee

sing along, my friends

ching dong diddle,

sing along with me

the song that never ends

ching dong diddle

and a hi-Dee-Dee

sing along with me

the song that never ends

We can't be sure our meals

supply enough vitamins.

And I need them to stay strong

and healthy.

Well, a single one-A-Day

multiple vitamin tablet daily

Gives you all the vitamins

children or grown-Ups

Normally need to take.

I know all you kids take them.

All right,

we have time to call down

Some of our special station

guests.

Now, who has a really great joke

today?

You, sir,

what do you have?

How can you tell when an

elephant's been in your fridge?

Hmm...

I don't know.

How?

You can see their footprints

in the butter.

That's a good one.

That's cute.

It's cute.

That's cute.

Yeah.

Okay, who else has

a good joke?

What do you got?

Why is it impossible to starve

in the desert?

Ooh.

Now, that's a head-scratcher.

Why?

Because of all the sandwiches

there.

Another good one.

All right, we have time

for just one more joke.

The show was almost over.

Now, who has

a really great one?

This was my last chance

To be in the spotlight.

But I didn't know any jokes.

Did I?

You do?

Come on.

Let's hear it.

How is a woman like an oven?

Well, I don't know.

How?

'Cause you got

to heat them both up

Before you stick

in the meatloaf.

Cut it.

Pop hadn't said a word

Since he picked us up

from the bus stop.

It was up to me

to gently break the ice.

How was I supposed to know

it was a dirty joke?

Felix.

You can't just go around

repeating anything you hear.

Look, what your father

is failing miserably

At trying to say to you

Is that you can always

come to us

If you don't understand

something

Before you broadcast it

across the state

On live television.

Don't worry,

'cause I never want to be

In front of a live audience

again.

I'm quitting the Christmas

pageant tomorrow.

- Like hell you are.

- Oh, no... Sal.

You know, honey,

what would cousin Annette do?

Would she give up that easily?

- I guess not.

- No, of course not.

Exactly.

And don't worry, by tomorrow,

Nobody will remember

what happened.

Walking into class that day,

I had prepared myself

for the worst.

But no one said a word.

When you're ten years old,

The only thing worse

than getting laughed at

Is getting the silent treatment.

What's going on?

Why is everyone so quiet?

Frechette threatened everyone

With check minuses

if we talked about the show.

Did you watch?

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