Women Aren't Funny Page #2

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I will now speak about myself only in the

somewhat annoying, omnipresent third person.

It's what journalists do.

I don't know what to do.

It's Spanish.

I'm getting a message

in Spanish.

Maybe you dialed

the wrong number.

No... Yeah, I dialed it.

No, through like AT&T. It just came

out, the first thing was Spanish.

Oh, my goodness.

We're in the wrong country.

- Daddy.

- What?

While Bonnie and Rich

are waiting to perform

at the local comedy club

in Philly,

Bonnie receives a tip

that Christopher Hitchens

is at a speaking engagement

just a few blocks away.

Bonnie decides to pursue the tip

in hopes of getting an interview.

- Can I press?

- Right here, ground, G.

- G like grandma.

- Grandma's button.

Rich decides to tag along

to see if he's recognized.

Oh, look, he recognized me.

He is.

- Really?

- Did you just recognize him?

- Yeah, yeah.

- A lot.

The Asian guy did recognize me

'cause he took a double take.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Did you just recognize him?

Yeah, yeah. From

Last Comic Standing, right?

Oh, my God, yes.

Do you recognize me?

No.

And we have a camera crew

with us right now.

All right.

OK, bye.

- Thank you.

- Did they say no?

Yeah, they said

he wants to send a letter.

I saw you when you were walking up,

I was like, "Hey, I love this guy."

Did you guys recognize me?

I'll be honest with you,

no, I didn't.

Must be the hat.

There you go.

Help me.

- I've helped you through, listen...

- I know you have.

When I found you, you were

reading a piece of paper

on a stool at M Bar.

You knew her before

Last Comic Standing?

No. That's where I met her

when I was doing Last Comic...

When I coulda f***ing been tagging

anybody around the country.

So you met her when she was

doing a network TV show?

- No.

- But you're gonna claim that she

- was a nobody.

- No.

Well, that's what I'm asking.

Did you guys meet before

Last Comic Standing?

On my season.

We met on a TV show,

Last Comic Standing.

Please welcome

Ms. Bonnie McFarlane

She was a contestant

and I was a judge.

If by any chance you didn't

make it into the house,

would you like to spend

some time at my house?

I'd rather be homeless.

Two nights later I was eating

her f***ing box in a car.

Is that true, Bonnie?

For a second.

I didn't let it go on that long.

You're hanging out

with the boys today, Bonnie.

Girls normally aren't as funny as

just a bunch of guys hanging out.

That's OK. You guys just be

funny and I'll laugh.

It's just something you learn.

You learn to be like,

laugh at them,

and don't compete with them.

I went into a deep depression

in my twenties

because of that. Because I was

squashing that whole part of myself.

Well, because when

they're little girls,

if I may get serious

in this comedy thing,

they're not the showoffs.

All right, how about in school?

Like, all people in the back of the bus,

always know back

of the bus funny.

In the back of the bus

was all the funny people.

But it's just like that back of the bus

was nothing but a bunch of funny dudes

- in the back.

- - I was chauffeured to school.

Well, Bonnie was chauffeured. How

about the back of the limousine?

We're at the back of the bus

right now.

This is the back of the bus

of women being funny.

Let's go. Let's do it.

- All right.

- Don't be uncomfortable

'cause there's

black people around.

Just be funny.

This is the back

of the bus funny.

This is where you can

prove women comedians are funny.

OK.

Exactly.

Turn it back around

I gave y'all every opportunity

- and nothing happened.

- I am not being a comedian.

I need you to think of me as an

investigative journalist right now.

So I feel like if I were to

out-funny, outshine these two,

which I easily could,

obviously...

You saw what I saw.

Um... that wouldn't be fair.

Less women try standup.

Less women go into it.

So you get less women

out at the top.

You know, at the higher end.

Each year there seems

to be fewer...

fewer females, instead of more.

It never really caught on.

Ten female comics working

the country and that's it.

And thousands of male comics.

It's like... you know,

we're like...

- the beta cam.

- And it turns out

at least one of these ten

working female comedians

is not a woman at all...

but a squirrel

in a tartan skirt.

A male squirrel.

Isn't it funny

that the only time

your race or gender

is questioned

is when you're not a white man?

In fact, I think white men,

they get upset, they get nervous

if like a minority or another

race gets a little power.

It makes them nervous.

'Cause they scared that

that race

is gonna do to them

what they did to that race.

They get nervous.

So they start screaming

"Reverse racism!

This is reverse racism."

Wait a minute,

ain't reverse racism,

isn't that when a racist is nice

to somebody else? To other people?

The number of guys

who are doing comedy

and the number of women

doing comedy,

there's way more guys doing it,

right?

If you take the 20%...

say it's 20% of the guys

who aren't funny

and then 20% of women

who aren't funny,

you know, just our population

just looks like it's...

it's bigger.

It looks like a bigger...

It's grossly disproportionate.

It's probably 95% men

and 5% women.

Because they only represent,

not all ten percent,

they represent being ten percent

of the ten percent.

So when you only have

the one woman on the show...

So... that's what

I'm trying to say.

My math is off. I'm doing

Fox News math right now.

If eight million men do comedy,

and five percent

of them are funny,

It's a larger number because

there's a larger amount

- of men doing comedy.

- It's a terrible ratio.

If there were more funny females

out there, we would book them.

Twenty percent of the...

I'm no mathe-magician.

But...

And if I was a woman comedian,

I'd say...

At the end of everything,

no matter how you say it,

no matter what you say,

no matter what people say

and how articulate they think

they are, like I think I'm being,

the facts are there's more unfunny

men then there are women.

Right?

Did anyone point that out yet?

Yeah, I think that's what it is.

When you have a bunch of guys

on the show,

maybe four, three of them

aren't funny

but you just have one woman,

if she's not funny

then everybody go,

"Women aren't funny."

Maybe we should just go get rid of

all the women who aren't funny.

Making us look bad.

- Hello?

- Hey, Kate.

- Hey.

- It's Bonnie McFarlane calling, how are you?

Oh, good. How are you, Bonnie?

I'm good. I've started

trying to get this

thing together.

It's a coalition, BLC.

Better Lady Comics.

And we're trying to get people

who aren't so great

to quit doing standup

so that the good female comics

are more visible.

That's a great idea.

Yeah, isn't it?

Yeah.

Um, I was wondering if it would be

cool if you stopped doing standup.

- F*** you.

- No, you know, I mean,

you know in your heart of hearts

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