Women Aren't Funny Page #4

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if it was a man?

Who makes the

decisions, do you think

to come to the comedy club,

generally?

Women.

I know that for a fact

because I know who calls

to make the reservations.

But if women are the

ones making the phone calls

why aren't they demanding

more women on the lineup?

Operator, Chuckle Hut, please.

You know who kinda

scares me now?

The group is really

empowered women,

sort of freak me out a little.

You know the ones that are like,

"We're the number one gender

and chicks rule!"

And it kinda makes me cringe because

if you really are superior,

you don't go around

saying you're superior.

Unless you're Jewish.

Yeah. Look how that turned out.

Nobody likes them. So...

Let's learn from their mistakes,

that's all I'm saying.

Women a lot of times

don't like female standups.

It's just strange when you

realize how many times you hear

a female saying,

"I hate female comics."

Don't you think

women are as funny as men?

Mostly, no.

I think men are funnier.

I don't know.

I'm having a war of selves.

Females...

What was her name?

In general, I probably

found more funny men.

I think people are

warming up to the idea.

I think a lot of women

are quite dull, actually.

- Why are you so upset?

- I'm not upset.

I'm just, like,

I don't know why,

after all these interviews

and stuff

and no one likes female comics,

it seems like, what am I doing?

Why... I don't know. I never

thought about it before.

I never thought, "Oh, they don't

wanna see a woman out there."

Now I think about it.

Maybe...

Maybe they don't wanna see

a woman, I don't know.

Am I forcing myself

on these people?

Who's left

to support the women of comedy?

Oh, my God.

I love female comics.

See how much the faggots

love me?

Yes.

You've heard of the horse

whisperer, I am the fag whisperer.

When I know a woman connects

with a gay following,

I know that she's going to be

very successful.

But were women really funny?

Or were they merely becoming

a burden on the gay community,

who felt they had to support

these clitoral clowns?

Is it clitoral clowns

or clitoral...?

Why would you even ask that? It's the most

obvious thing I've ever heard, isn't it?

I don't know what the answer is.

What do women and gays

have in common?

'Cause gay guys aren't funny.

They go, "Whooo."

Men talk about men things,

women talk about women things

and a lot of gay guys

can relate to women things.

We used to count how many women,

when you talk about their period,

we would have a checklist.

You, check, check, check.

Can you imagine, like, if

guys bled out of their d*cks

how much period jokes

there would be in comedy?

And how completely beloved

period jokes would be?

Guys are like, "I am bleeding

out of my dick

but I'm not gonna

talk about it onstage."

I hear more men do period jokes

than I do women.

Yep. I actually have a PMS joke.

In fact, 100% of the

male comedians we observe

do jokes about that time

of the month.

There's a lot of lists in my mind of

things that I shouldn't talk about.

Keep it clean, that's all.

It can be a little dirty,

but not...

You know, it's not bikers.

- Whatever.

- ...go on the stage.

A lot of people think

a woman shouldn't be dirty

and it's OK for guys.

Um, which, it's not

very fair but you know,

it pretty much is what it is.

My name is Joan Rivers

and I put out.

And that was my closing line.

And in those days it was just...

shocking.

I was licking jelly off of

my boyfriend's penis

and all of the sudden...

all of the sudden I'm thinking,

"Oh, my God.

I'm turning into my mother."

You know, it's like...

Those clues, you know that

we're becoming our parents.

It's scary.

So scary.

There's so many female comics

who are like,

"Yeah, my vagina."

OK, I get it.

Well, now everybody's

kinda dirty.

Like male and female,

they're all too dirty.

- It's too easy.

- I don't give a.

I get mad even thinking about

this right now

because I'm like, everybody

acts like that's comedy.

- It drives me crazy.

- The MC would be like,

"And then I was jerking off

while I was taking a sh*t...

our next act is so incredible.

She has..."

And I'm just like,

how do you follow

"I was jerking off

while I was taking a sh*t"?

- "Hi, I'm a woman"?

- If you're a guy comic

- and...

- Rich!

Jesus Christ,

I been trying to fight it.

It was like insane.

I didn't know you could hear

it all the way over there.

- You can't eat chips.

- Why?

It's loud!

Oh, I thought

'cause of health reasons.

This is part of the

disrespect I'm talking about.

You see this?

This is what's going on.

- Look at him.

- Oh, I'm eating. That's disrespect.

You're making a lot of noise

during the interview.

- My hearing's different than yours.

- Oh, he's got male hearing.

Now you guys are being

nitpickers.

We had a fight that night

and she said,

"Everybody hates you."

That was when we were making up.

I was trying to say I'm not

the only person who thinks

you're an a**hole.

That's your character.

Everyone I ever meet is like,

"Oh, God, he's an a**hole."

Like, it's funny.

Richard would always say f***ed

up sh*t but it was always funny,

first of all, so you'd

almost kinda laugh.

But then he'd go, "You know

I didn't mean that, right?"

Like... with his f***ing lisp.

And by the way, that lisp,

very humanizing.

That's what make

people love him because

he shows a little

imperfection there.

Comedy is not an art form

based in kindness, right?

There's a certain kind of guy

humor that's like roasts.

Women would never

have invented roasts

- because that's a guy type of humor.

- - We would,

we just wouldn't invite

the person of honor.

I tip so goddamn much because

I'm so mean to people.

I try to limit it to the stage,

but then I'm like,

"Really? Stack the bags like

I want them f***ing stacked."

Then I feel bad 'cause they're gonna

talk about me or website me and sh*t.

And blog that I'm a c*nt. So

I have to give them all a $20.

By the time I get to my room,

I've spent sixty f***ing dollars.

I had this persona, this image

that had been sold as this nice...

It made it almost impossible

to do standup.

If you wanna stay in it,

you know how it is.

It's got a real

brutal thing about it

that it's harder for most women.

What I love about comedy is that

you can do whatever you want

and there's no director,

nobody tells you what to do

and even if they try

to tell you what to do,

you can run out.

'Cause it's a club

and there's a door

and you can get out and get

in your car, take a taxi

and you just run away

from the criticism.

Never have to face anyone.

You don't have to face anyone.

I bring a lot of clothing,

but I only bring like

two in-room shirts.

They're indoor shirts.

In the room shirts,

to be comfortable.

What if you were gonna go

downstairs to the bar or something?

Could you wear that?

Could you leave the room

with it?

I could leave the room with this

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