![Find Women Aren't Funny on Amazon](https://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTY5NDIwOTk0OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMzE4Mjg1MjE@._V1_SX300.jpg)
Women Aren't Funny Page #5
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2014
- 79 min
- 130 Views
but I might have
to wear slippers
so they know I'm not going out.
I might have to tell people.
"Don't kidnap me, this shirt is
not supposed to leave the hotel."
with this shirt,
out in public.
...everyday.
Let me know when we're ready.
I'm trying to find her.
Do you trust her?
- Why, what do you know?
- Do you trust her?
- You're paranoid.
- Every guy's paranoid.
I trust you as my wife,
but as a woman...
You can't trust any woman
in life.
- You are crazy.
- You think you can trust any woman?
Most women aren't honest. And
so much about comedy is honesty.
Wait a minute, the premise
being that men are honest?
Where are they? I would love
Tell the truth, that's
the basic rule of comedy.
Tell the truth.
Right, but, on the other side
there's a lot of guys, Steve
Martin wasn't honest on stage.
There wasn't an honesty
on stage,
it wasn't even attempted
to be done 40 years ago.
It wasn't like they tried it
but didn't do it.
It wasn't even what they
wanted to do. You made up,
"Oh, my girlfriend,
Rosie is a real humdinger."
It was always, "Or my wife,
I'll tell you..."
But it wasn't really anything you
had a problem with your wife.
So honesty is...
Does that make any sense?
The ones that start really breaking out
are the ones that get brutally honest.
How many people go, "Yeah, my husband
sucks or my girlfriend sucks..."?
Do they really suck
or is it a bit?
- Well, mine does.
- I know yours does.
- Yours is awful.
- Thank you.
Check this out.
I got bumped up.
- See that?
- Just you?
2B, I got bumped up.
No, but did... Serena and I...?
You guys got your own seat
in the back.
Listen... I don't wanna
go to first class.
her, but what am I gonna do?
Are you kidding?
I even get like," I hate to go on
the road all the time by myself."
But female comics do it, they're
dealing with all this other stuff.
safety that I would be concerned.
You going, "Sh*t, what if this
car breaks down out here?"
You know, in the middle
of the night.
There's some parts of the
country I'm not going.
I'm not going to Uncle Darkies.
- I'm there next week.
- Of course you're there.
You're the house MC.
Uncle Darkies.
More women on the road would
equal more women in the clubs.
It's an intriguing idea,
but a logistical nightmare.
I can't believe
that I used to share condos
with disgusting
guy comics on coke.
- Get out of here.
- I remember chicks that would,
we'd have to share
a comedy condo.
What douchebags
we would be to them.
What is a comedy condo?
It's a rape buffet.
Are you kidding me?
What you're looking at
is footage obtained
illegally by WAF
It is a flop house purchase
usually in a foreclosure sale
by a comedy club to house
their touring comedians.
The headliner, the feature,
and the opening act
at the condo.
It was like doing prison time.
I was like no.
It's just nastiness, I'm not
getting in that shower.
yard and hose myself off.
Nobody came in to change
the sheets.
Guys think it's funny.
"I'm gonna rub my ass
on the pillow...
for the next person."
I'm like, "Why?"
Why I gotta lay my head
on your nasty ass? No.
I think people drawn to standup are
drawn to a transient lifestyle
where they're on the road,
they can be like, drinking,
they can be doing drugs, they can be hooking
up with different girls all the time
and I think it's like
Well, it's time to talk about
how you and I dated.
We f***ed around.
While a sense
of humor is something
most women
look for in a partner,
it seems to be less important
to men.
No, I don't wanna
f*** a funny girl.
It's much farther down on their
list of desirable attributes
- in a woman.
- Funny is actually a deterrent
- to sexy, I think.
- There is definitely a sex appeal about a funny guy
that a funny women doesn't have.
"Now you're funny in bed?"
A lot of men would say that.
I ain't f***ing
no fat funny b*tches.
You know what I'm saying?
But women will
f*** a fat funny motherf***er.
Or a short funny motherf***er.
Or a bald funny motherf***er.
I'm not physically attractive
and I'm not athletic
but I'm funny so I'm gonna work
on that as a way to get chicks.
- Get laid...
- And it works?
Yeah, f*** yeah.
Yeah, it worked real well.
Honey?
consequences to getting busy.
- Mommy.
- Luckily,
it's possible to be
one funny mother.
For example, this is Heather.
And, if we're to take her
at her word,
this is her baby.
Although a wildly
funny comedian,
she was able to get impregnated
by a member of the male species.
and being Mommy.
I was doing standup
probably until I was like
four months pregnant.
Then I just couldn't...
I just felt like I had
a big secret
and I was afraid of how
I was gonna tell everybody.
Everybody's like, "I bet
you have a ton of funny
material now that you're...
now that you have a baby.
And to me it's just
not very funny.
It's really difficult to be any
professional woman and have children.
So I wanted to know
if you like female comics.
the larger share
- of the child rear.
- I'm trying to do something right now.
That's just the way it is.
And so I chose to stop.
People always ask things like,
"What are you working on
these days?
What's your current project?
What's on your plate?
What's on the next page?
What are you working on?"
Oh, I'm done.
Yeah.
I finished early.
I'm actually living
in a gravy boat...
filled with teste gravy.
What do you want in your coffee?
I got my coffee.
Um...
We got Christopher Hitchens.
Whoo!
- Rich. Did you hear me?
- Yes.
You and your face when you go,
"Whoo!"
There it is.
Hey, it's Bonnie,
we're waiting for you.
Call me...
It's Bonnie.
Christopher Hitchens
is a no show.
But he does have a good excuse.
Clearly he is willing
to go to any length
to avoid a sit-down
with our camera.
You don't wanna cry?
- Nope.
- One, two...
Daddy's a Jew.
Three, four, Mommy's a...
- Richard!
- I didn't say it.
The great big hug
Kiss from me to you
Won't you say
you love me too
It's time to talk
about how you and I dated.
...how you and I dated.
...how you and I dated.
- We f***ed around.
- We f***ed around.
We f***ed around.
We f***ed around.
What do you want me to say?
I mean...
You did f*** Dane Cook so...
Dane Cook's a movie star.
Male comedians do make
the move to movies,
whereas female comedians don't.
Is there sexism
in the comedy business?
Yeah, the whole world is sexist.
The world is run by men.
For heterosexual guys,
I can't talk for fruits,
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Women Aren't Funny" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/women_aren't_funny_23628>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In