You, Me and Dupree

(ALL CAUSE OF YOU PLAYING)

CARL:

You have very beautiful toes.

Did I ever tell you that?

Yes, you have.

I'm not even...

I'm not even a foot guy.

They're not even webbed.

Are you concentrating

on the game,

or are you just lusting

after the feet of your

soon-to-be wife?

I'm concentrating.

(CHUCKLING)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

NEIL:
Carl, it's Neil.

Are you there?

No, we're not.

NEIL:
Carl. It's Neil.

There's a problem.

NEIL:
There's

a wedding-related problem.

All right, go. Get it.

Hey.

NEIL:
I hear you whispering

about not answering me.

Just remember,

when this is all over

it's just you and me.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

NEIL:
Carl, if you're humping,

stop, 'cause I'm coming in.

Dude, it's Dupree.

How the hell

did Dupree end up

on the wrong island?

Dupree was born

on the wrong island.

MAN:
Gentlemen,

move this out of the way,

please! We're coming through.

Thank you very much.

Right this way, please.

Careful with the boxes.

Ten minutes ago

those were supposed to be out.

Where's Mr. Thompson?

MOLLY:

Dad, this is incredible.

We really didn't

need all this.

I know. But I did.

NEIL:
Dupree!

There he is.

Did other people land

on the wrong island?

DUPREE:
Guys, I know

I'm in the doghouse,

but come on.

These islands,

Maui, Cowee, Lenowi,

very easy to get mixed up.

Don't worry, you're here.

Don't worry.

I got my head

turned around.

I'm sorry.

Come here, you big lug.

All right.

(PEOPLE CLAPPING)

THOMPSON:
Thank you.

Folks, this is

a bittersweet time for me.

A day that Molly's mother,

rest her soul,

and I used to dream about.

On one hand, I'm inheriting

a new son-in-law,

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

but on the other,

Daddy's losing

his only little girl.

Now, when Molly told me

that she was gonna marry Carl,

I said, "Who?"

And Molly said,

"Daddy, he works for you."

I said, "Honey, I've got

But then I started to worry.

Maybe he was some young buck

trying to push me aside,

grab the reins of my company.

And then I met Carl,

sitting in cubicle 26.

And I said,

"You know, I like my chances."

So, ladies and gentlemen,

will you raise your glass

to Molly and Carl,

to health and happiness.

He's funny.

Cheers.

ALL:
Hear! Hear!

ALL:
One! Two! Three! Carl!

Hey, everybody,

listen up.

Now, wait.

Just wait.

In honor of your

impending nuptials,

I want to perform a feat

that I've used to mark

every special occasion

in our lives since

at least high school.

Ladies and gentlemen,

birds and bees,

I present to you

the Flaming Tornado!

(ALL CHEERING)

Honey, look who's here!

Hi!

This is just

a safety precaution.

Okay. Little room here.

Need to focus.

Barkeep, your finest

Kentucky bourbon,

low-grade tequila...

I've got a mai tai.

Don't let him start

till I get back.

...lemon slices, a funnel,

and an open flame.

NEIL:
Yeah!

(PEOPLE SHOUTING AND CHEERING)

Okay. Funnel.

ALL:
Tornado! Tornado!

Open flames.

Carl will have the honor.

Will the groom

please light the liquid?

Carl, grab this.

Carl, you got...

Where...

What are you doing?

Do the Tornado.

Maybe later.

NEIL:
No!

No.

What are you doing, man?

No, we'll do it later.

Do it now!

MAN:
Carl has to be here.

Now!

Let Carl come and do it.

Dude.

I'm doing the Tornado, b*tch!

Do that Tornado!

CROWD:
Neil! Neil! Neil!

(NEIL BLABBERING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

GIRL:
Oh, my God!

(SHRIEKING)

Yo, Tornado Man.

This one is for you,

my brother.

Nice one.

Well, I guess this is where

the road ends for you and me.

We had a good run,

though, didn't we?

Hey, Dupree, I'm not dying.

I'm just getting married.

Yeah, I know. Hey, listen.

I feel bad about, you know,

earlier when I was laughing

like a hyena

when Mr. Thompson

was making all those

jokes at your expense.

Well, they weren't

really at my expense.

No, no, no, they were.

It was a shot

across your bow.

Yeah? You think?

It wasn't that funny.

I mean, it was,

but I shouldn't

have been laughing,

'cause I'm your best man,

and I don't want this guy

getting in your head, okay?

'Cause he's in my head

a little bit.

It just...

It's... I don't know.

I don't want you to forget

that you're bringing something

to the table, too, okay?

You've got that...

That Carlness.

That little

twinkle in your eye.

And you're giving it

to me right now.

That little glint

that says they're

never gonna beat you.

They can't lay

a glove on you.

And don't forget that,

because you can't put

a price tag on it.

End of sermon.

Well, thanks, buddy,

I appreciate it.

But, you know, I really think

he was kidding around.

Yeah.

Guy's got a kind of

a weird sense of humor.

Besides, it's not like

I'm gonna be working for him

for the rest of my life.

You know,

I got plans of my own.

There it is.

There's that Carlness.

They can't lay

a glove on you,

can they?

God, I admire you.

I really do.

That's no secret.

(SIGHS)

Thanks, buddy. Thanks.

Oh, I wanted to give you this.

You know,

for being my best man.

You got to be shitting me.

It's a flask!

You like it?

I love this.

Good.

Hey, you know, that reminds

me of the groomsmen outfits.

I really like them,

but I'm wondering,

should mine

be a little different

since I'm the best man?

What did you have in mind?

Just like a little

insignia or a patch.

I don't want

people to be confused.

I'm talking

something understated,

like a lightning bolt.

Nothing big.

Lightning bolt?

Something.

Could be cool.

Yeah. I like it.

Although, it is going

to be listed in the program

that you're the best man.

Really?

Uh-huh.

That's pretty good. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That should be enough.

Now, is Neil gonna be

okay over there?

I'm seeing him,

and it looks like

the tide's coming up.

Neil's gonna be fine.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Bingo!

MOLLY:
Oh, wow!

How many thank-you notes

do you think we have to write?

Well, I counted 111.

Honey, I'm gonna do

half of them.

Oh, come on. Really?

No, no, no. Really.

Dear whoever gave us

this platter, I love it!

Finally a platter.

Just what I always wanted

ever since I was a little boy.

(CHUCKLING)

And now you've made

my platter dreams come true.

That's perfect.

And then you write

and you're done.

Yeah.

And this is Molly.

Molly.

We can't get

to the phone right now.

You've reached the Petersons.

So, if you

leave a message...

Wait for the beep.

...we'll get back to you

as soon as we can.

All right...

Have a beautiful day.

All right, let's do it again.

No. That was really cute.

I called you Carl.

It was really funny.

Molly, it was cheesy.

(LAUGHING)

No, it wasn't cheesy.

Give it to me.

It's totally cheesy.

Give me the machine.

No! It's good cheesy!

Give me the machine.

No!

PACO:
ID?

Hey, married guy,

how you doing?

Good morning, Reese.

ID?

Top of the morning, Paco.

So, we're back

from the honeymoon.

Oh, yeah, we...

We had a great time, sir.

It was just...

It was really wonderful.

So I took a look

at your proposal

while you were gone.

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