You'll Never Get Rich Page #4

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I can't find my sleeping pills.

I'll get you a light.

Hey. I borrowed your flashlight.

- I said...

- Oh.

Oh, there they are.

Hey, you can't take those

without a chaser.

Give me that cup.

I'll get you some water.

Oh, thanks, Swiv.

What's the matter with you?

- Quiet, fellas.

- Why don't you be quiet.

Hi, buddy.

What are you doing there?

I'm just getting some water...

Oh.

Watch.

Thanks, Swiv.

I tripped.

- I brought you back your flashlight.

- What?

- Your face is wet.

- Oh, go away and let me alone.

I was only trying to...

I brought back...

Ow!

Hey! I borrowed your flashlight again.

- What happened?

- I sat on this. It was in my bed.

- "You left town so quickly..."

- Go away, will you? Go on.

Hey, Swiv. Swiv, where are you?

- I don't know. I'm in the dark.

- Quiet!

Come here.

Let's have that light, will you?

"I didn't get to give

this back to you.

Inasmuch as I refused it when

Mr. Cortland tried to give it to me...

...I see no reason

why I should take it from you.

Sheila Winthrop.

P.S. May I compliment

you again on your..."

- Chivalry.

- "Chivalry." Who's Sheila Winthrop?

I didn't realize it before,

but she is a very sweet young lady.

That's the first time I ever heard

of a rabbit giving a carrot back.

I just want to tell you I won't

need your flashlight anymore.

Look here, Swivel Tongue.

If you come near me...

- Quiet!

- You guys be quiet.

It's him. He's making all the noise.

You'll wake everybody up.

One, two, ten.

- I'm a heel. That's what I am, a heel.

- Shut up, you heel!

Ouch! Ouch!

Ouch, ouch! Ouch!

- Ouch! Ouch!

- What's going on here?

- Come on. Get up. Wake up.

- Stop him.

Get up. Wake up.

Come on, come out of it.

So you'll hit me too, will you?

Two days in the guardhouse.

If you ask me, you got off easy.

- But I tell you, I wasn't drinking.

- You gave a good imitation of it.

I was just having a bad dream.

He kept jabbing at me with that

pitchfork. The last thing I remember...

- There he is again!

- Hey you!

Say. Wait a minute.

- That's for the pitchfork.

- You'll get 10 years for this.

I just wanted to tell you that I'm

really not Miss Winthrop's brother.

- What happened in New York was a gag.

- That gun was no gag.

- It wasn't loaded.

- I don't like your sense of humour.

You better keep away because

every time I see you, I'll bop you.

- Do you know who that man is?

- No, and what's more, I don't care.

Okay, buddy, I'm gonna

let you find out all by yourself.

- Mrs. Barton?

- Yes. I'm looking for my son.

- I'll tell Captain Barton you're here.

- Thank you.

Tom will be so glad to see you.

I hope. He spent his leave convincing

us to come here instead of Florida.

Don't let her fool you. She could

hardly wait to get out of New York.

Captain Barton sends his regrets.

He'll be delayed a few minutes.

- Where's the music coming from?

- From the guardhouse, ma'am.

- Thank you.

- Yes, ma'am.

Evening

Creeping down the mountain

Wak es up Mr. Firefly

Firefly

Bullfrog sitting there

Starts a-croakin' but I don't care

Since I kissed my baby goodbye

Baby goodbye

South wind

Shak es the whole magnolia

Moon Man lights the dingy sky

The dingy sky

Stars start sprinkling gold on the river

But still I'm cold

Since I kissed my baby goodbye

Since my baby and me

Parted company

I can't see what's the diff

If I live or I die

Oh, Lord I've tak en

Such a beating in the hood

Even cheating

Since I kissed my baby goodbye

Since my baby and me

Parted company

I can't see what's the diff

If I live or I die

Say, soldier. You're a beat off.

- Sheila, what are you doing here?

- What are you doing there?

I joined the Army.

I see.

From penthouse to guardhouse.

I got your letter and bracelet.

- I can't tell you how badly...

- Do you like it down here?

- The Army? It's wonderful.

- No. I mean the guardhouse.

I'm not a prisoner. I'm inspecting the

place. It's part of a captain's duty.

Captain Curtis. How democratic

of you to wear a private's uniform.

This is temporary. My tent burned

and I had to order new uniforms.

Someday, you're going to tell the

truth, and you'll feel like a new man.

Sheila, how can I see you again?

Keep sitting at that window, and one

of these days I might be passing by.

- Where are you staying?

- Fallbrook Farm.

May I call on you?

Yes, indeed, captain. As soon as

your new uniforms get here.

Sheila.

But I tell you, borrowing

a captain's uniform isn't healthy.

- What's health compared to romance?

- Yeah?

What's romance to a court-martial?

Lmpersonating an officer is serious.

It's worth the risk. If you'll shut up,

I'll figure how he can get a uniform.

Even if he does, it won't fool anyone.

- Curtis knows that.

- Do you think he ought to chance it?

I know the girl ain't gonna

be fooled by a uniform.

She will be impressed if Curtis

risks trying to show up in one.

Now, all we gotta do is figure out

how he can get a uniform and...

- Hey, Curtis.

- How in the world did you get that?

I've got a pull around here.

Besides, nobody was looking.

- Boy, am I worried.

- Wish me luck, boys. I'm on my way.

Just like Don Juan.

Boy, ain't romance beautiful?

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

- I came to see Miss Winthrop.

- I expect her back any moment.

Won't you come in, Captain...?

- Curtis.

- Come in, Captain Curtis.

I was just about to have some tea.

Won't you join me?

- Thank you.

- I'm sure Sheila won't be long.

- Won't you sit down?

- Thank you.

- Was she expecting you?

- Well, yes.

I don't think I've met you before,

Captain Curtis.

I just got here.

I was sent from Washington to make

a general survey of Army camps.

How interesting! Sit and tell me about it.

You were sent from Washington.

I'm to recommend how to improve

living conditions for new selectees.

- Indeed. Sugar?

- Thank you.

You see, the enlisted man

is the backbone of the Army.

And sometimes officers are not as

considerate as I think they should be.

Robert, what in the world...?

You said call when I got

my new uniform. Like it?

- Well, Mother.

- This is my son, Captain Barton.

- Did you say "Captain Barton"?

- Yes. How are you, Captain Curtis?

Not very well.

Captain Curtis was sent

from Washington, dear.

He's reporting on the relationship

between enlisted men and officers.

Is that so?

That must be the others.

Will you let them in, Tom?

I invited some of his friends for tea.

Will you excuse me?

- This isn't another gag, is it?

- I'm afraid it isn't.

Why didn't you warn me?

How did I know you'd be silly

enough to try a thing like this?

Where's the back door?

Captain Curtis.

I want you to meet my friends,

Captain Nolan and Captain Williams.

- How do you do?

- You know Miss Winthrop.

- Yes.

- How do you do?

I'm so sorry we're late, Mrs. Barton,

but somebody stole my coat.

Dreadful. I hope this doesn't give you

the wrong impression of our camp.

No, not at all. I'm sure the man who

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