You'll Never Get Rich Page #5

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took it is already suffering for it.

Captain Curtis has been sent from

Washington. To investigate us.

Is that so? Tell us, captain,

how do you find conditions here?

Splendid, splendid.

The officers are all fine men.

And very lenient with the selectees,

I hope.

Have you investigated

our guardhouses, captain?

Not completely. I expect

to spend much more time there.

Tell me. What action would

you recommend in the case...

...of a private stealing

a captain's coat?

- Well, I wouldn't have him shot.

- You wouldn't?

No, that's much too drastic. Besides,

it would spoil him for active duty.

What would you recommend?

I'd throw him in the guardhouse until

he learned. Which wouldn't take long.

- Yes. A perfect recommendation.

- Thank you.

If you gentlemen will excuse me,

I have an important engagement.

- Goodbye, Mrs. Barton. Thank you.

- I'll take you to the door.

- Do you realize the trouble you're in?

- Who is this Captain Barton?

A friend. Aunt Louise and I

are visiting his mother.

- How good a friend?

- A very good friend.

But this is no time to discuss that.

You're in a bad situation.

I certainly am. While I'm in the

guardhouse, he'll see you every day.

He's a nice young man. I hope

he gives our camp a good report.

It won't be so bad, if you arrange

to pass my window every day.

You're saying nice things again.

What's Mr. Cortland up to now?

Cortland hasn't anything to do

with it. This time, I mean everything.

And this time,

I still don't believe a word of it.

I don't blame you.

Sheila, I'm sorry for everything

that happened in New York.

How about starting over again

from there?

Would you do that?

Well, yes. We could try

if you're sure you'd like to.

I was never so sure of anything

in my life. Goodbye.

Bye.

Where does the captain wish to go?

To the guardhouse.

And don't call me captain.

- Welcome home, Curtis.

- We were expecting you.

Hi, fellas.

Here, my good man. Take this back to

the officers' quarters, and let me in.

- You haven't done anything.

- That's what you think.

What are you in for?

We fought a rear guard battle for you

and got five days.

- Oh, that's a shame.

- How long are you in for?

Brother, I don't know, and I don't care.

I'm a man that's in love.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Curtis. There they are again. Same

time every day for the last two weeks.

They're 10 minutes late today,

by my watch.

Cheer up, Curtis. I'm getting out

in a few months. I'll give her your love.

I wish you'd shut up.

Why don't you wish

for a pardon and a horse?

All right, Curtis. Come on.

- What's up?

- Colonel Shiller wants to see you.

- About what?

- We forgot to ask him.

Ain't that awful? Come on.

Although we've received cooperation

from men in your profession...

...this is quite the most generous

offer we've had.

It's purely selfish, sir.

I just wanted to feel that I am having a

part in this great work that you are doing.

Bringing your show down here

certainly proves that.

Our obligation to the boys includes

more than just teaching them to march.

Pvt. Curtis reporting to the

colonel from the guardhouse.

- Bring him in.

- Yes, sir. Come in.

At ease, Pvt. Curtis.

- I think you know Mr. Cortland.

- Yes.

- Hello, Martin.

- Robert.

Mr. Cortland will bring his entire company

from New York to put on a show.

- That's very generous of him, sir.

- Oh, not at all.

Do you think you could forego being

a pioneer resident of the guardhouse...

...long enough to assist him?

- Oh, I'm sure of it, sir.

So the shock of being away

from the guardhouse won't be too great...

...you will continue to spend

your nights there.

- Yes, sir.

- Well, thanks again, Mr. Cortland.

Thank you, Colonel Shiller.

Have you arranged your quarters?

No, I haven't,

but I'm gonna look around today.

I have an apartment in town

you can use.

Robert, that's very nice. Thank you.

Inasmuch as Pvt. Curtis won't be using it.

Good day, colonel.

That'll be all, Curtis.

Now, what's your real idea

in doing this show in camp?

Why, I'm surprised at you.

You know I've always wanted

to do something for the government.

You'd think I was getting

something out of this.

- Only my services for nothing.

- What do you mean, for nothing?

The government pays you $21 a month.

Where does that money come from?

The taxpayers. I'm a taxpayer.

- Let me thank you, Martin.

- Don't mention it.

If I didn't hate that guardhouse so much,

I wouldn't even be talking to you.

What are they for,

to keep you from swiping medals?

Part of my deal with the government.

They wouldn't let you out

except under guard.

Every time you get an idea,

something happens to me.

All right. I'm your man.

The show is on.

I'll tell you why. Next door lives a little

lady who's going to dance with me.

- Little lady? Who?

- Miss Sheila Winthrop.

Sheila Winthrop? Up here?

Robert, you don't want her.

Why, she's a dangerous character.

She almost broke me up with my wife.

Besides, I promised the part

to somebody else.

Now it comes out.

I thought I recognized that look

in your eye. Who is it now?

Well, she's a very nice little item

named Sonya. A gorgeous creature.

I've given her my word...

Give her a bracelet instead,

because Sonya isn't dancing in this show.

Robert, my pal...

You promised there'd be

no more galloping over rooftops.

This is different.

She's a foreigner.

What's different?

A gallop is a gallop in any language.

Hey! This way.

Hey, sergeant, bring me in a house,

will you? Right here. Put it here.

And I want a tree right here.

That's right.

Let me see, now...

Hey, boys! Bring in the ocean, will you?

That's right. Come on!

- Okay. Sergeant, is Miss Winthrop ready?

- Yes, she's ready.

That Miss Winthrop, she is so beautiful,

and I hate her so much!

When will Mr. Curtis put me in her place?

Any day, Sonya.

I'm working on a new angle.

A new angle, old angle,

this angle, that angle.

I want to dance,

and all you do is "angle" me.

- Now, listen, you trust me, don't you?

- No.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Everybody trusts me.

My dear, I've a feeling you are

So near and yet so far

You appear lik e a radiant star

First so near

Then again so far

I just start getting you k een on

Clinches galore with me

When fate steps in on the scene

And mops up the floor with me

No wonder I'm a bit under par

For you're so near

And yet so far

My condition is only so-so

'Cause whenever I feel you're close, oh

You turn out to be

Oh, so far

- Sheila, you're wonderful.

- That's because you're a good teacher.

What's wonderful about you

isn't anything I taught you.

What's wonderful about you is you.

That's bracelet talk.

Sure it is, but not the way

you think it is.

That bracelet happens to mean

an awful lot to me. It brought us together.

Well, that's one way of looking at it.

That's the way I look at it.

I bought it from Martin.

You did?

Robert, you're one of the most

charming men I've ever known.

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