You'll Never Get Rich Page #7

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You shouldn't have done that.

No.

Especially since

it's for "dear, sweet Sonya."

What is?

I can see why you wanted

to save the surprise.

- Holy smoke! Something's happened here.

- So it seems.

- But I bought this bracelet from Martin...

- Certainly.

And after he sold it, he went

to all that trouble, just for the fun of it.

You know Martin's apt to do anything.

"One woman in 50 million" can

certainly be simple-minded at times.

There's a perfect explanation.

Write it to me. A letter will reach me

in Panama in about a week.

What's Panama got to do with this?

I'll be there with Capt. Barton.

We're leaving in a few days,

right after the marriage.

- You've got this all wrong.

- The guards.

Would you please get me

Mrs. Martin Cortland, Adirondack 5636.

Thank you. I'll hold on.

- See you at rehearsal.

- Sure thing, baby. You said it.

Now, that's sensible.

Martin will be very happy.

Oh, he'll be tickled pink.

Everybody will be happy.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

Hello? Hello? Julia?

This is Robert.

Yeah. Julia, Martin and I

are putting on a show at camp.

Well, hello, boys.

I've been looking for you. Sit down.

Julia, what I called to say is,

it looks like very stormy weather up here.

Do tell.

It's a tornado, honey. A hurricane.

In fact, the blow is so hard,

it lifts you right off your feet.

Goodbye. I have to go now.

To the guardhouse, boys.

Sonya's gonna be very good

in this show.

- I don't think we'll miss Sheila at all.

- I don't think so.

Is she really going off to Panama

with that Barton fella?

So I've heard.

Too bad. It's your own fault.

You will play around.

I'm just a dirty dog.

Live and learn, I always say.

Live and learn.

Robert, do me a favour, will you?

Look back and tell me, is that Julia?

I wouldn't be surprised.

Did you have anything to do with this,

you despicable, sordid...?

- Julia, why, this is a delightful surprise!

- Hello, Martin dear.

- Hello, Robert.

- Hello, Julia.

You'd think you'd telegraph

and warn a person.

Not that I'm not tickled to death

to see you.

- You look delirious.

- He's missed you terribly, Julia.

He's been pining his heart away. He

rushed into town to buy you something.

A lovely little trinket,

right there in his pocket.

Something to scratch with, no doubt.

Well...

"For my dear, sweet Sonya."

Listen, Julia,

there's been a hideous mistake.

Oh, Sonya, would you

come here a moment, please?

- I can explain everything.

- Better make it a good one.

It's Robert. I'm using his apartment

and last night, he said:

"Martin, bring me the bracelet

I bought for Sonya."

Look at it. It's the same one

he bought for Sheila.

He broke Sheila's heart playing around

with Sonya, and she gave it back.

And then the cad had the name changed

on the very same bracelet.

Boy, that was a pip.

Take back your filthy bauble, sir.

And in the future, do not make me

a party to your low intrigues.

- Yes, Mr. Curtis.

- This little present is for you, Sonya.

Oh, how wonderful!

"For my dear, sweet Sonya."

- Oh, Martin! I love you, darling!

- Stop it! Stop it!

- What is the meaning of this?

- Sonya, this is Mrs. Cortland.

- Mrs. Cortland?

- Yes, my wife.

The woman I treasure.

Sonya, didn't you say something

about having possibly to leave the show?

Why, yes. There's my sick uncle

and my sick cousin and...

- And something might happen to you too.

- Yes.

Well, I'm happy to have met you,

Mrs. Cortland.

There goes your gal.

Boys, back to the guardhouse.

Let's go.

What do you mean?

What about the show?

Show? Without a leading lady?

Ready, boys?

Wait! There's Sheila. Get her back.

She's going to Panama. However...

...if you tried explaining what happened in

my apartment with "dear, sweet Sonya"...

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- That's what I thought.

Boys, it's my right to serve my sentence.

Take me back to the guardhouse.

- Okay, soldier, let's go.

- Robert, my...

Now, Martin, my pet...

...l'm going to get to the bottom

of this Sonya matter if it's the last...

Julia, I'm as innocent as a newborn babe,

or a little older, perhaps.

Hey, Kewpie, Swivel Tongue,

where do you think I'm going?

- Again?

- What happened?

- Oh, nothing. Show's off, that's all.

- Off? How come?

Miss Winthrop decided

to go to Panama instead.

Now, I ask you,

disappointing all those poor soldiers...

...is that fair of Miss Winthrop?

- It's a crime.

That's what I think. Understand?

Do you understand?

Well, what are we waiting on?

So you see,

she walks right out on the show.

Yeah. They promised us a big shindig,

and it's off!

- How do you like that?

- How did she get that way?

These two fellas tell me

there's no show.

What are we, soldiers or mice?

- This Winthrop gal picks up and walks.

- What's the idea? She can't do that.

I'm sorry, but if Uncle Sam

were to walk in here and ask me...

...to go back into that show, I'd...

We're all packed and ready to leave

on our honeymoon, sir.

What's so important about a honeymoon?

When you've been married 25 years,

as I have, you'll look back and wonder...

But never mind that.

One more word from you,

and I'll be forced to have you disciplined.

Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

Now, here's a problem for that charming

Captain Curtis to handle.

I have a funny hunch

he's working on it.

- Miss Winthrop...

- You're wasting time, colonel.

You hear that? The whole

blooming Army is calling for you.

And I might say, that includes myself.

- Sheila's changed her mind.

- The show's on!

- Well, what a pleasant surprise.

- Come on, let's get going.

Yes, sir, just one second.

I got a little business about the show.

I put a big military wedding number

in this show for a purpose.

With Sheila and I

as bride and groom, see?

What I had in mind was...

...suppose you fellas got a real justice

of the peace to play that part?

That would save Miss Winthrop

that little trip to Panama.

See what I mean?

- Yeah.

- Sure.

All right. Get to work, and no slip-ups.

See you in the auditorium.

All right, kids. Let's go.

- Yes?

- It's going fine, don't you think?

One more number and it's over,

and that'll be even finer.

You're going to be the loveliest bride

anybody ever saw.

If you recall, the Army said,

"Just dance with him.

You don't have to talk to him."

Oh, here comes the bride, no less

It's hot stuff, that fluffy dress

I must admit, though she's lit

She looks a bit sweet

No wonder her Romeo

Begins shouting hi-de- ho

As his bride starts to stride

To a boogie beat

There's a big increase in marriages

Due to a tune, they say

The wedding cak e walk

Is the roundelay

When newlyweds in fancy carriages

Leave the reception gay

The wedding cak e walk

Sends them on their way

Pasty choirs in tasty churches

Give it all they got

Prudish old preachers on their perches

Say, "Amen, it's hot"

All those bridal suites at Claridge's

Have radios that play

The wedding cak e walk

Night and day

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