You're Next

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(WOMAN MOANING)

(BEDSPRINGS SQUEAKING)

(MOANING)

Mm. Oh, yeah, baby.

Oh, yeah.

(PANTS)

I'm gonna take a shower.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(SHOWER RUNNING)

(WIND CHIMES RATTLING)

(TWIGS SNAPPING)

()

(WHIRRING)

(THE DWIGHT TWILLEY BAND'S "LOOKING

FOR THE MAGIC" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

All my life I'm looking

for the magic

I've been looking for the magic

Fantasize on a sexy little tragic

I've been looking for the magic

In my eyes

Stay a while till the

city is a desert

She's been looking for the treasure

In my eyes

Oh, in her eyes

To keep, oh, oh, oh

The magic in her eyes

Baby, in my eyes

Baby, in my eyes

()

(GASPING)

()

(SCREAMING)

()

Huh. Looks like Erik Henson's home.

PAUL:
Yeah. I heard he left his

wife for some college student.

He might be living here full time now.

Oh, that's a shame.

We're so isolated up here,

it might be nice to have a neighbor.

I guess.

I got this.

Okay.

That's funny.

What?

It's open.

Doesn't look like

anyone's been in here.

Oh, you know, I bet the workmen left the

door open last time they were here.

I'll get the groceries out of the car

and check on the furnace.

()

So your parents are pretty waded, right?

Yeah, I guess.

My dad retired from KPG last year, and

he got an insane severance package.

Wait, KPG?

As in, the defense contractor?

Yeah.

He was just in marketing, though.

Why?

Is that a problem for you, babe?

Having dinner with fascists?

No. No. I want to meet your family.

I hope this means there's gonna be

some good booze at your place, though.

(SIGHS)

Probably not.

My mom's on medication.

Can we stop somewhere

and get some, then?

Yes, we should. Good call. Heh.

Yes

()

(THUDDING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

Hey, I lit the furnace. Sorry.

You okay?

Were you just upstairs?

No, I was in the basement.

Did you hear that, just now?

Hear what?

I heard footsteps.

I think someone's in the house.

Are you sure?

Paul, we gotta get out of here!

Aubrey.

Hurry up!

No. You go outside.

I'm gonna check the upstairs.

You come outside with me!

It's a creaky old house.

Paul! There is someone up there!

(SIGHS)

I'll take this with me. Okay?

Are you happy?

No!

All right. You wait outside.

I'll be out in a minute.

Careful.

I will.

(FLOORBOARD CREAKING)

Hello?

(FOOTSTEPS)

(THUMPING)

()

Oh!

Crispian!

Dad.

You scared the sh*t out of me!

Yeah.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Oh, God.

Not to get off

on the wrong foot here,

but why is Mom

in the driveway crying?

Oh, God. Come with me.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(FOOTSTEPS DESCENDING STAIRS)

()

Hey.

(AUBREY SOBBING)

You Okay?

Crispian and I looked in every room on

the second floor. There's nobody there.

AUBREY:
Oh, God.

I'm so silly.

(SNIFFLES)

Honey. I'm sorry.

No. No.

You're embarrassed.

PAUL:
No, I'm not.

You must be Erin.

ERIN:
Yes.

Nice to meet you.

ERIN:
Nice to meet you.

Glad you could make it.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

Hey, you. Come here.

It's okay.

Oh, we brought whiskey.

Well, come on in.

We'll be there in a minute.

Heh. What's going on?

I... I... Don't ask. I don't know.

So your dad bought this place

to fix up?

Yeah. Supposed to be

his retirement project,

something for him to work on,

but I'm pretty sure so far

he's just paid other people

to work on it.

Hey!

(BEDSPRINGS SQUEAK)

You're gonna break this bed.

It's like a hundred years old.

Sorry. Your folks seem cool.

I mean, for people with money.

You're lucky.

(SCOFFS)

I guess.

No, you are.

You don't know what most people would

give to have folks like yours.

(CRISPIAN SIGHS)

Whatever that means.

(CHUCKLES)

Come here.

So your brothers and sister

get in tomorrow?

Yeah. Tomorrow is my parents'

actual anniversary.

Thirty-five years,

can you imagine?

No. I can't, really.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Well, I look forward to meeting

the rest of your family tomorrow.

They're something.

It's been a long time

since we've all been together

so it should be interesting.

How so?

You'll see.

()

(CREAKING)

(MAN 1 SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY

ON TV)

(MAN 2 SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

MAN 2:
Not in person?

WOMAN:
It's crazy.

ERIN:
Not in person.

MAN 2:
Like old black and white videos.

ERIN:
You've seen them.

You've seen the videos.

But when they stand up, they're taller

than you, and if they've got baby...

I feel like kangaroos fight guys

named Gentleman Jack.

It's serious.

Like, twisty, curly.

Hey.

How you doing?

Morning. Good morning.

Good morning.

Hey, buddy.

You ever see kangaroos fight?

Stop!

KELLY:
Okay, okay.

Kelly?

Do some funny little...

Up on their tails?

KELLY:
Okay.

Ow! Don't hit me.

Stop it. Come on.

P*ssy.

Don't.

You almost hit my face.

KELLY:
Crispian...

DRAKE:
Don't kiss him. Don't

kiss my wife. It's rude.

Ugh. Gross! That is sick.

Thank you.

Come here and kiss me.

KELLY:
Oh, I'm sorry. He's your brother.

DRAKE:
Yeah.

KELLY:
I'm not allowed

to kiss your brother.

Reminds me of when you were a kid.

You should've seen him.

No, you shouldn't have.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. He was like a little chubby angel.

Really?

KELLY:
A little cherub.

DRAKE:
Yeah.

I was always a little chubby.

He says "only a little chubby".

CRISPIAN:
I have a round face.

That doesn't mean I'm fat.

It doesn't mean he's fat.

ERIN:
It means you're beautiful.

DRAKE:
All the fat on him means he's fat.

Don't go just by his face.

CRISPIAN:
I'm not fat.

(PAPER RUSTLING)

Hey.

Oh, hello.

Um, I was just wondering if you need

any help in here with anything.

I think I'm all set.

Okay.

Actually... Erin?

Yeah?

I am out of milk.

Oh. Uh, okay.

Could you go over

to the neighbor's house

and see if he has some?

His name's Erik.

Okay.

Well, I'll be right back.

PAUL:
How's this look, Drake?

DRAKE:
Beautiful. Great color.

PAUL:
Grain looks nice, doesn't it?

DRAKE:
Yeah.

CRISPIAN:
I don't know about this grain.

What's going on over here?

Work.

Hey, babe.

ERIN:
Boys. You look so adorable.

Can you hold that?

Ready?

Beautiful.

Come join us, Erin.

Your mom just asked me

to go to your neighbor's

to see if I could borrow some milk.

Really?

ERIN:
Yeah.

CRISPIAN:
All right.

I'll be back in a minute.

PAUL:
Sounds like your mom.

DRAKE:
That's right.

Don't start.

Don't start with me.

I'm gonna go check on Kelly.

Looks so good, Dad.

PAUL:
Thanks, Drake.

So how'd that fellowship thing

turn out?

Oh. Uh...

Not so good.

No?

No. Uh...

I guess there were a lot of applicants

this year, and...

I haven't exactly been

published recently, so...

Well, there are some people

that aren't published

that do get the fellowship,

you know.

Shut the door.

Where'd your brother

find that girl?

I don't know. Student?

Former student?

Huh.

Current student.

(SCOFFS)

I'll bet she's kind of annoying.

Accent's just, like,

so jarring to me.

(THUDDING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

Hey, I lit the furnace. Sorry.

You okay?

Were you just upstairs?

No, I was in the basement.

Did you hear that, just now?

Hear what?

I heard footsteps.

I think someone's in the house.

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