You're Not You Page #2

pulling up your pants...

for you...

Sh*t. Are you okay?

That wasn't even the worst part.

The worst part... was that

she didn't even get mad.

Like, she just sat there with this perfect

tight smile on her face.

Quiet freak out, way worse.

She needs to chill.

Here's to... yet another day

of finding something new I suck at.

Hey, superstar, you're up.

Please don't bomb this.

- You got this, Bec.

- I got it.

- You got it.

- I got it.

- You got it!

- I got it!

Yeah, she don't got it.

Whoo!

Hi.

Uhh... I'm Bec...

...and uh... it's really cool

to be here at Dirty Barry's.

And now it's just me. Okay.

Get off the stage!

- Give me one second.

- Next!

Why do I keep doing this

to myself?

Did you know that Janis,

Elvis and Waylon

all freaked out

on that very same stage?

- I'm Wil, by the way.

- Why can't I just stop?

Speaking of which...

You do know that banging

your professor is a cliche, right?

We do not bang. We exchange

ideas - naked, in bed.

Is she always that...?

Yeah, it's not just you, dude.

- Okay.

- That's a nice work coat.

I don't know why I...

Thanks.

The only reason

I'm not totally pissed off you're late

is that I just took failure

to a whole new...

Liam, here you go.

Bec, this is Jen, my wife.

Jen, this is Bec, one of my students.

And a very good one at that.

- Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure's all mine.

- It's good to see you.

- I'm gonna get a drink.

Oh.

Sorry.

Bec. Bec.

Hey, can I just borrow her

for a second there?

- Actually...

- Just a sec.

You know I'm married.

And I have a boyfriend.

So you're just gonna have to

control your feelings...

every time you see me with Bill.

Uh, it's "Wil", actually.

Or Bill. Wil. Whatever.

Here.

Alright. I can drive.

Guys, get off my truck.

- Git. Goodnight.

- Of course you have a truck.

This is a good truck.

I knew she wouldn't work out.

I tell you what,

we'll get Mrs. Trotter back,

because she was perfect for us.

She was perfect.

I'm just glad that that...

What was her name?

Bec. Bec Cartwell.

I'm just glad that

that is behind us

and we can get back to

the way things were.

Alright, let's go to bed.

You're really hot.

Oh!

Oh, my God, I feel like I'm sexing

a Jackson Pollock painting.

Okay.

Evan?

Uh, yeah?

You wake me up if you

need anything. Alright?

Goodnight.

- What the hell is that?

- Uh, I made you eggs.

Ohh. Let's get one thing

real clear, real quick.

I'm not girlfriend material,

so we good?

Yeah, it's good, it's good.

Great. Perfect.

Lose my number, Liam.

Hold on. You want me back?

Yep. Yep, of course, Bec.

Love to have you back.

You understand that I have to...

I witnessed a hit-and-run,

but I did find someone

who can deliver organic vegetables.

My cat was puking like crazy.

Nice suit. Italian?

We're not really interested

in your excuses.

This has been going on

for weeks.

Evan has

a very demanding schedule,

and I have

a very demanding condition.

- You show up late again...

- Got it. Understand.

- Her charms more than allude me.

- She's young.

Okay, so ladies' night.

You excited?

Mm. Turning backflips.

Hey, these are your

best friends, alright?

It's important that you

don't shut everybody out.

Besides, I can't cancel

on Alex again.

He's gonna think I hate him.

You do hate him.

I miss us just...

being together.

Hey, I miss that, too.

Okay?

I'll try to get back from dinner early,

I'll say hello to your friends,

and then it'll be

just you and me, alright?

Okay.

Love you. Bye.

So before we buy out

the rest of Texas,

you should probably know

I can't cook anything.

Like, not even Pop-Tarts.

That's fine.

I mean, like, at all.

You don't need to know

how to cook.

You just need to know

how to listen.

Alyssa, you look so good

I almost hate you.

Oh, shut up.

Especially after

just having a baby.

I'm still fat as a cow,

I haven't slept in months,

and I would sell my kid into

slavery for half a Xanax.

I'm not even asking for a whole Xanax,

just give me half.

So who's Evan

having drinks with?

Oh, Alex, but it's dinner.

I assumed it was drinks

'cause Tom said he uh,

he saw Evan walking into some bar.

Great, well, then... his

dinner turned into drinks.

He'll be there all night,

which means more time for us, right?

Congratulations to us.

Will you start

the salmon, please?

Thank you.

You know, honey,

you're just tired.

It's gonna be a lot easier

once you get stronger.

I'm not getting stronger...

...so please don't say that.

I just...

I just hate

when people say that.

We're just trying

to be positive.

I know.

- It's Evan.

- Put it on speaker.

- 'Hey, ladies!'

- Hey.

So how's Alex? He still

a personal space invader?

'Only until the check arrives.

I'm hoping that, uh, Bec

might be open to a little OT,

at time and half, of course?'

- Why not?

- 'Evan!'

'Table's ready.

That's the hostess.

Uh, love you, hon.

I gotta run.'

I love you, too.

Isn't he incredible?

I mean, ladies,

if I have so much as the flu,

Bill is ready to put me out

with the trash.

I don't know what I'd do

without that man.

- I mean, a saint that one.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Bec, in Evan's office, his computer.

Please bring it here.

Okay.

Open it.

Check his emails.

I'm not comfortable doing that.

Then you're fired.

I'll pay you $100.

- You just fired me, remember?

- Two.

Look, I seriusly doubt your husband's

gonna leave emails he didn't

want you to find right on you...

Yeah, he will, because he knows

I can't access them because of my hands.

Fine. Fine, but I don't

want your money.

Show me.

See, it's nothing, just a whole

bunch of messages in legal gibberish.

There, on the bottom.

Thank you.

You can go.

- Kate, I...

- Please, just go.

Getting all Martha Stewart

on my ass

for not evenly chopping

vegetables, I can handle,

but... I've never

seen her like this.

Like what?

I don't know.

- Who is it?

- It's her, but it's blank.

I'm sure she's fine.

It's not...

Kate?

Kate!

Hey, what happened?

What's going on?

Hey, hey.

I wet myself.

Hurry. He can't

see me like this.

Okay. Okay.

Bec, I don't wanna be here...

when Evan comes home.

Can you take me somewhere?

I'll pack you a bag.

No, I wanna go. Right away.

Katie?

So what did Miss Priss text you?

- Hey, you must be Kate.

- Miss Priss is fine.

Kate is going to be

staying with us tonight.

Okay.

Uh, it's not usually like this.

Yeah, sometimes

it's really disgusting.

It's Evan. He's home. He

wants to know where we are.

Awesome.

Are you sure you're okay

on the couch?

If I had a dollar for every

time I passed out there...

Just yell if you need anything.

I'm a light sleeper.

What are those?

Uh...

...songs.

Parts, anyway.

A lot of beginnings.

The occasional middle.

Kinda short on ends so far.

Well, is that what you

wanna do? Play music?

You never mentioned it.

Probably 'cause

I pretty much suck.

But, yeah, kinda, I guess.

That's what you studied

in school?

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