You're Telling Me! Page #3

Coming to church, | Pauline?

Yes, Mother.

Pauline.

Goodbye, Bob.

This is final.

There goes Sam Bisbee, | drunker than a hoot owl.

Is he a hard drinker?

Hard? It's the easiest thing | he does.

Looks like I'm holding you | up. No, I got plenty of time.

Pardon me.

I should have brought | a little Vaseline with me.

By golly, I put over | a big deal today!

Will my wife and kids | be tickled to death.

Oh, I beg your pardon. | It was the wind.

"Goodwill tour. "

If they only knew, | Rosita.

But you must forget him, | Your Highness.

Could you, | if you were I?

Yes, officially.

Confidentially, no.

So I am to forget Michael, | and marry the crown prince.

But I can't forget Michael.

But you must.

You're right, Rosita.

I must forget him.

Why, | you've cut your finger.

One moment, Your Highness. | The iodine.

It's nothing, Rosita.

Nothing serious, but | we must take no chances.

I'll call Nicholas.

I bet he's got a woman in | there! I wouldn't be surprised.

There! What did I tell you?

I beg your pardon. | I beg yours!

I thought this was the | gentlemen's drawing account,

the washout.

If you don't mind, | I think, perhaps...

I'm going right away. | I beg your pardon.

What's this?

What are you up to?

Don't do it, little lady. | It don't pay.

When you wake up | in the morning

and find yourself dead,

it's too late to regret it.

What are you talking about?

Don't commit suicide.

You're too young. | You're too beautiful.

I got here just in time.

What makes you think that I...

I was going to | do the same thing.

You?

On this train, | not five minutes ago.

Suppose I'd have | sent a telegram

I'd have had to | go through with it.

How terrible.

Awful.

Are you so unhappy?

Little lady, you think | you've got troubles?

Listen to mine.

I lost my car, | I lost my tires,

and I lost my patent | nose-lifter-upper.

Nose-lifter-upper?

Yeah, nose-lifter-upper. | The only one in existence.

My own invention. | Poor man.

When I get back to town, | everybody'll laugh at me,

except my wife. | She won't think it's funny.

She'll murder me.

But can't you explain to her | as you explained to me?

No. You don't know my wife.

The other night | we had some folks to dinner.

I said, "Abigail, dear,

"is it okay | if I take my vest off?"

She said, "You don't mind | keeping your pants on, do you?"

Uncalled-for sarcasm.

Yeah, | the great commoner, Bryan,

almost went through | our town one time.

Really? | Yes.

Crystal Springs. | Thank you.

Has he come out yet? | No, he's still in there.

I feel sorry for | my little daughter.

I depended upon this trip | to put her over.

Have you a daughter?

Yes, she's a sweet kid,

but she's in love | with a rich clown.

Clown?

Son of the Murchison family,

the richest people | in Crystal Springs.

Oh, I see. Society.

Yeah. Mrs. Murchison!

Looks like | an old Newfoundland dog.

Don't you care for society?

We don't go in for it.

We live on the other side | of the railroad tracks.

But you wouldn't | understand that.

I think I understand.

It's the same in my country,

only we call it | "class distinction. "

Yeah, we still call it | railroad tracks.

Here's my little daughter.

It's my wife | on the other side.

She's lovely... | Isn't she a honey?

She's lovely.

It's sad to be | young and in love

and not to marry | the loved one.

Don't you think so, Mr...

Bisbee's the name, but my | friends all call me Sam.

All right, Sam.

But your daughter should | marry the man she loves.

There must be a way, | in this country.

Only a fairy princess | could put it over now,

and there ain't | no such thing.

Don't be too sure, Sam.

You never can tell when a fairy | princess might come to your rescue.

Thanks, thanks, Miss... | What's your name?

My friends call me Marie.

Thanks, Marie.

If you ever get down | to Crystal Springs,

you must stop in | to see us.

My wife and daughter would be | tickled to death to see you.

Well, I hope | I haven't bored you.

Bored me? | You've saved my life.

Well, thank you. Goodbye.

Crystal Springs. | Don't forget it.

What time do we get | to Crystal Springs?

Crystal Springs? | We just passed it.

Why didn't you call it out?

I did, sir, but you was too | busy with that lady back there.

Oh, drat!

When do we get to the next | stop? Albian, 40 miles.

Drat!

Drat!

Drat!

You sent for me, | Your Highness?

What engagements have we, | Nicholas?

Tonight, the usual reception | by the city officials.

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow, | Your Highness rests.

Excellent. That fits in perfectly | with an idea I have in mind.

I saw Sam Bisbee | on the train coming home.

He was drunk and making love to one | of them painted dolls in a compartment.

Did you say | anything to him?

I was just going to tell him, "Sam | Bisbee, what would your wife say?"

And what do you | suppose he did?

He leered at me, gave me an evil | wink, and slammed the door in my face.

And they went right on through | town. He didn't even get off.

What do you suppose | they did in there, then?

I don't pretend to know, | Sarah.

It's entirely | out of my line.

Sells his invention | in the city for $100,000,

and then what does he do | with all that money?

Runs off with | a notorious Russian dancer.

No! | Yes. One of them Romanoffs.

What's all the excitement about? Sam.

Anything happen to him?

Who'd have thought it. | Poor old Sam!

He ain't in trouble, | is he?

Oh, boy, and how.

Here's the way | I got the story.

Sam goes on a tear up in the city and | picks up a woman, some foreign actress,

and he's going across the | country with her in a stateroom.

They went through here, throwing | champagne bottles out of the window.

I tell you the best of | them are nothing but beasts.

No, you can't trust | one of them.

And isn't that | just like Sam Bisbee?

Traipsing around the country | with a burlesque queen.

She was sitting | on his lap,

and he was drinking | champagne out of her slipper.

When he sees | Mrs. Price is watching him,

he gets up and slams | the door and locks it.

You know | who she was?

I think it was | one of them fan dancers.

How do, Mrs. Price?

How dare you speak | to a respectable woman!

What's wrong with her?

Hello. Lovely weather | we're having.

Hello, Jane, how are | you? Fine, Mr. Bisbee.

How are you? | I'm fine, thanks.

How's your...

Maybe that was it.

Fellows, here's the sheik! | Hello, boys.

How was she, Sam?

Has she got a friend?

What's the matter with you | guys? You all gone nuts?

I can't understand what's | happened to this town.

Everybody shuns me | like I had leprosy.

We've been | hearing things, Sam.

It was a tough break, | that's all.

How did I know I was | shooting up a police car?

Sam, Charlie and me | are your friends.

We're with you | no matter what, see?

If ever I needed | friends in all my life,

I need them today.

Who was she, Sam?

Who was who?

That woman you had | on the train.

Oh, so that's it, is it?

Ain't it funny how much trouble | a man can get into innocently?

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