You've Got Mail Page #2

Does it have a name?

NELSON:
Money.

JOE:
Huh?

- Its name is "Money."

JOE:
Oh.

- Gillian selected it.

- Good guess.

- Your father's getting married again.

- Really?

- Congratulations!

- Thank you.

- Why?

- Who knows?

- Love?

- Possible.

I think you're a damn fool.

NELSON:

Pops, Matthew is 4 years old, okay?

It'd be nice if his parents were married.

Listen, I have a

sad announcement to make.

City Books, on 23rd Street?

It's going under.

[IMITATING GUN SHOOTING]

Aw. Another independent bites the dust.

On to the next!

Going to buy out their entire

inventory of architecture...

...and New York history

for the new store.

How much, son? How much you paying?

JOE:

Whatever it costs, it won't be as much...

...as that uncomfortable

mohair episode there...

...which is now all over my suit.

Here you go.

Thanks.

We'll also have a section dedicated to

writers who've lived on the West Side.

SCHUYLER:

As a sop to the neighborhood.

Perfect. Keep those West Side,

liberal nuts, pseudo-intellectual...

Readers, Dad. They're called readers.

Don't do that, son.

Don't romanticize them.

It'll keep them from jumping

down your throat.

SCHUYLER:

What's the competition?

One mystery store, Sleuth,

at 78th and Amsterdam...

...and a children's bookstore,

Shop Around the Corner.

- It's been there forever.

- Cecilia's store.

Who's that?

Cecilia Kelly.

Lovely woman. I think we might

have had a date once.

Or maybe we just exchanged letters.

You wrote her letters?

Mail. It was called mail.

NELSON:
Stamps, envelopes...

- I've heard of it.

Cecilia had beautiful penmanship.

She was too young for me...

...but she was enchanting.

- Enchanting?

- Her daughter owns it now.

Huh. Too bad for her.

[KNOCKS AND DOOR OPENS]

Ah.

MAN:
Excuse me, Mr. Fox.

- Yeah.

JOE:

My father is getting married again.

For five years, he's been living

with a woman named Gillian...

...who studied decorating

at Caesar's Palace.

Is it porcelain?

Rubber.

KATHLEEN:
Once I read a story about a

butterfly in the subway, and today...

...I saw one.

It got on at 42nd

and off at 59th where...

...I assume it went

to Bloomingdale's...

...to buy a hat that will

turn out to be a mistake.

As almost all hats are.

JOE:

Listen to this:

Every night a truck pulls up

to my neighborhood bagel place...

...and pumps about a ton of flour

into underground tanks.

The air is filled with white dust

which never seems to land.

Why is that?

KATHLEEN:
Confession: I've read

Pride and Prejudice about 200 times.

I get lost in the language. Words like:

"Thither."

"Mischance."

"Felicity."

I'm always in agony over whether

Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy...

...are really going to get together.

Read it.

I know you'll love it.

JOE:

The purpose of places like Starbucks...

...is for people with

no decision-making ability...

...to make six decisions

just to buy one cup of coffee.

Short, tall, light, dark...

...caf, decaf...

...low-fat, nonfat...

...et cetera.

Mocha frappuccino grande.

JOE:
So people who don't know

what the hell they're doing...

...or who on earth they are

can, for only 2.95...

...get not just a cup of coffee...

...but an absolutely

defining sense of self.

EMPLOYEE:

Tall, skim, caramel macchiato.

JOE:

Tall!

Decaf!

Cappuccino!

Tall, decaf cappuccino.

GEORGE:

Bummer!

A Fox Books superstore.

Quel nightmare.

It has nothing to do with us.

It's big, impersonal...

...overstocked and full

of ignorant salespeople.

But they discount.

But they don't provide any service.

We do.

KATHLEEN:

So really...

...it's a good development.

You know how in the flower district

there are all those shops...

...so you can find whatever you want?

This is going to be the book district.

If they don't have it, we do.

And vice versa.

Absolutely.

FRANK:

When you are finished with Fox Books...

...The Shop Around the Corner

is gonna be responsible...

...for reversing the entire course

of the Industrial Revolution.

Well, now, that is so sweet. Frank!

Thank you. That is so sweet.

- Although l...

- What?

Wait a minute. What is that doing here?

Oh! Oh, my gosh!

This is amazing.

Listen.

The Olympia Report Deluxe electric.

Report.

As in gunshot.

- That sound is familiar.

- Listen to this.

What, that whirring?

The gentle, soothing lullaby...

...of a piece of machinery so perfect...

I know where

I've heard that before, Frank.

I needed a backup.

Don't you have another one

at your apartment?

- I might.

- That you wrote a column about?

Yes. Who cares?

What were you gonna say?

- When?

- Before.

- Nothing.

- Come on.

Well, I'm just wondering.

I'm wondering about my work. I'm just...

What is it that I do, exactly?

All I really do is...

FRANK:

All you really do...

...is this incredibly noble thing.

- I don't know. Really, I'm just...

- Kathleen!

You are a lone reed.

You are a lone...

...reed...

...standing...

...tall...

...waving boldly...

...in the corrupt sands...

...of commerce.

- I am a lone reed.

- Lone reed.

I am a lone reed.

KATHLEEN:

Sometimes I wonder about my life.

I lead a small life.

Well, valuable, but small.

And sometimes I wonder...

...do I do it because I like it...

...or because I haven't been brave?

So much of what I see reminds me

of something I read in a book...

...when shouldn't it be

the other way around?

I don't want an answer.

I just want...

...to send this cosmic question

out into the void.

So...

...good night, dear void.

[WHISTLING]

ANNABEL:
Hey, Joe!

MATTHEW:
Hello, Joe.

JOE:

Hey! I know you!

I know you. Hello, Annabel, little girl.

ANNABEL:
Hi.

- How are you?

And you!

- Matthew, how are you?

MATTHEW:
Good.

Good.

Ready to say hello to New Jersey?

ALL:

Hello, New Jersey!

Don't I get a hello?

Hello, Gillian.

Kiss me. I'm gonna be

your wicked stepmother.

There you go.

Hello. And who is this?

Nanny Maureen. I brought her in case

you couldn't handle the kids.

Maureen's getting a divorce.

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.

It's my own fault.

Never marry a man who lies.

[GIGGLES]

That is so wise. Annabel, remember that.

She taught Matt to spell his name.

Really?

- Let's hear it.

- F-O-X.

Excellent!

Excellent. I've got this covered.

You can have the day off.

And you must be late for something.

Volunteering, rolling bandages...

...for Bosnian refugees.

I am. I'm having my eggs harvested.

And getting those eggs harvested.

Don't worry! See you later.

- Bye, Maureen! Bye, Gillian!

- Bye!

MATTHEW:

Bye, Mom.

All right, you guys, are you ready

to go out on the boat?

- No!

- No!

What happened to you? What happened?

Come on, one more time.

Here, you can do that one.

Hey!

What do we win?

Look, look, look!

- Oh!

- Yay!

ANNABEL:
How are the fish doing?

- Very well, I think they're very happy.

- Are they?

- Yes.

You guys want to go to a movie?

ANNABEL:

No, there's nothing good playing.

Look! A storybook lady.

Are we at the right time? Yeah, let's go.

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