You've Got Mail Page #8

WOMAN 3:
I came here every Saturday

when I was a little girl.

I remember when your mother

gave me Anne of Green Gables.

[SOBBING]

"Read it with a box of Kleenex"...

...she told me.

Could someone help me?

WOMAN 4:

She's looking down on you now.

I'm sure she is.

WOMAN 4:

Why don't we bomb Fox Books?

WOMAN:

Do you have the "shoe" books?

EMPLOYEE:

The shoe books?

Who's the author?

WOMAN:

I don't know.

My friend told me my daughter has to

read the shoe books, so here I am.

KATHLEEN:

Noel Streafteild.

Noel Streafteild wrote

Ballet Shoes and Skating Shoes...

...and Theatre Shoes...

...and Dancing Shoes and...

I'd start with Ballet Shoes first.

It's my favorite.

Although Skating Shoes

is completely wonderful.

But it's out of print.

Streafteild. How do you spell that?

KATHLEEN:

S-T-R-E-A-T-F-E-l-L-D.

WOMAN:

Thank you.

PATRICIA:
Kathleen Kelly.

It was like her name was in the air.

JOE:

Just like that?

PATRICIA:

Everyone was talking about her today.

Kathleen Kelly and her "situation."

And I was thinking that she'd make

a great children's book editor.

JOE:

What makes you think that?

Well, she knows everything.

She has flawless taste.

She's famous for it.

Salesmen swear by her.

If she likes the book, it sells. Period.

JOE:

You're going to offer her a job?

PATRICIA:

What else has she got to do?

- Now that she's destitute.

- Thanks to you.

- I don't see her working for you.

- Why not?

She lacks the killer instinct.

She's never fired anybody.

Look at that little shop.

Those people have been there forever.

Till recently, when they all lost their jobs.

Thanks to you.

Hold the elevator!

CHARLIE:

Missy. Mr. Fox.

JOE:

Hello, Charlie.

I love how you've forgotten you had

any role in her current situation.

It's so obtuse.

It's so insensitive.

Reminds me of someone.

Who does it remind me of?

Me.

[PATRICIA LAUGHS]

[CLANK]

What is going on?

Could be stuck.

[PATRICIA GROANS]

What are you doing?

I hope this thing doesn't plummet

to the basement.

- Can it do that?

- No.

It cannot plummet to the basement.

Hi, this is Joe Fox. Who's this? Juan?

We are stuck in the elevator

between the sixth and seventh floor.

There's four of us.

And if you don't get your ass

up here in two shakes...

...and get us the hell out of here...!

Juan? Yeah.

Listen.

Call the super and then 9-1-1.

9-1-1.

The fire department, that's right.

Thank you very much.

- Everyone should jump in the air.

- What?

We jump.

The elevator thinks no one is here

and it opens.

JOE:

One, two, three. Jump!

VERONICA:

If I ever get out of here...

...l'm going to start speaking

to my mama.

Wonder what she's doing

right this very minute?

If I ever get out of here...

...l'm marrying Orit.

I love her.

I should marry her.

I don't know what's been stopping me.

If I ever get out of here,

I'm having my eyes lasered.

If I ever get out of here...

Where are my Tic-Tacs? Ugh!

What?

JOE:
I came home tonight and got into

the elevator to go to my apartment.

An hour later, I got out of the elevator...

...and Brinkley and I moved out.

Suddenly everything had become clear.

It's a long story...

...full of the personal details

we avoid so carefully.

Let me just say...

...there was a man sitting

in the elevator with me...

...who knew exactly what he wanted.

And I found myself wishing

I were as lucky as he.

KATHLEEN:
People are always telling you

that change is a good thing.

But all they're saying is that something

you didn't want to happen at all...

...has happened.

My store is closing this week.

I own a store. Did I ever tell you that?

It's a lovely store.

In a week it will be

something depressing...

...like a Baby Gap.

Soon we'll just be a memory.

In fact, some foolish person will

probably think it's a tribute to this city.

The way it keeps changing on you,

or the way you can never count on it.

I know because that's

the sort of thing I'd say.

But the truth is...

...I'm heartbroken.

I feel as if a part of me has died...

...and my mother has died all over again.

[DOOR BELL DINGS]

And no one can ever make it right.

[YOUNG KATHLEEN LAUGHING]

[DOOR BELL DINGING]

JOE:

What happened?

Oh, hell.

How are you?

JOE:
You know, Dad, you did pretty well.

At least you didn't marry her.

Welcome aboard.

- It lasted a while.

- Yeah.

NELSON:

You know...

...l've stayed on this boat after...

Let's see.

Your mother.

Laurette, the ballet dancer.

My nanny.

She was the nanny?

Yeah.

I forgot that.

How ironic.

Then there was the ice skater.

- Also my nanny.

- Really?

Yeah.

That's amazingly ironic.

And then there was Sybil, the, um...

- It's an "A" word.

- Astrologer.

Exactly.

Whose moon turned out to be

in someone else's house.

Just like Gillian.

- Gillian ran off with someone?

- The nanny.

- Nanny Maureen?

- Yes.

[JOE LAUGHS]

Gillian ran off with Nanny Maureen.

You got it.

JOE:

It's incredibly ironic.

- That's true.

- No other word for it.

Well, who's better than us?

Father and son, together at last.

Who did you say you broke up with?

Patricia.

You met her.

Would I like her?

Just kidding, son.

Now, is this beautiful or what?

Of course, I'll be living out of a suitcase

for at least three weeks.

And then there's

the inevitable legal hassle.

More of your inheritance down the drain.

- Don't worry about it.

- I won't.

I just have to meet someone new.

That's the easy part.

Right, yeah.

A snap to find the one person in the world

who fills your heart with joy.

NELSON:

Don't be ridiculous.

Have I ever been with anybody

who fit that description?

Have you?

KATHLEEN [OVER INTERCOM]:

Who is it?

It's Joe Fox.

What are you doing here?

- Uh, may I please come up?

- No, I don't...

No, I don't really think that

that is a good idea, because...

...I have a...

I have a terrible...

...cold.

[SNEEZES]

- Can you hear that?

- Yeah.

I'm sniffling,

and I'm not really awake.

I'm taking echinacea and vitamin C

and sleeping practically...

...24 hours a day. I have a temperature.

And I think I'm contagious.

So I would...

I would really appreciate it

if you'd just go away.

[KNOCKS]

[KATHLEEN GASPS]

Kathleen?

Uh...

[KNOCKS]

Uh, just a second!

Yes, just a second.

- Hello.

- Hello.

What are you doing here?

I heard you were sick.

And I was worried.

And I wanted to make sure...

What?

- Is there somebody here?

- No.

Oh. It's the Home Shopping Network.

You buy any of those

little porcelain dolls?

I was thinking about it.

- You put me out of business.

- Yes, I did.

- Did you come to gloat?

- No.

- To offer me a job?

- I would never...

I have plenty of offers.

I got offered a job by...

- By my former...

- Your former?

We broke up.

That's too bad.

You were so perfect for each other.

Oh.

I don't mean to say things like that.

No matter what you've done...

...there's no excuse for my saying that.

Every time I see you...

Things like that just

Rate this script:4.0 / 7 votes