You've Got Mail Page #9

fly out of your mouth.

I brought you flowers.

Ohh.

Thank you.

Why don't I just put these in some water?

You're sick. You should sit down.

I need a vase.

Above the refrigerator.

JOE:

There it is. Obviously.

George says hello, by the way.

He told me you were sick.

How is George?

Great, really great.

He's revolutionizing the place.

You can't work in his department...

...unless you have a Ph.D.

In Children's Literature.

I love daisies.

- You told me.

- They're so friendly.

Don't you think daisies

are the friendliest flower?

I do.

When did you break up?

Couple of weeks ago.

Everyone is breaking up. You. Me.

This other person I know broke up

with someone in an elevator.

Or after it, or just outside it or...

It got stuck.

When I saw you at the coffee place,

I was waiting for him.

And I was...

Charming.

I was not charming.

JOE:

You looked charming. Tea?

Yes. I was...

I was upset and horrible.

JOE:
Honey?

- Yes.

I was the horrible one.

Well, that's true.

But I have no excuse.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

That's interesting.

Whereas I am a horrible person...

...therefore I have no choice

but to be horrible.

That's what you're saying.

But that's all right.

I put you out of business so...

...you're entitled to hate me.

I don't hate you.

But you'll never forgive me.

- Just like Elizabeth.

- Who?

Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice.

She was too proud.

I thought you hated Pride and Prejudice.

Or was she too prejudiced...

...and Mr. Darcy is too proud?

I can't remember.

It wasn't personal.

What is that supposed to mean?

I'm so sick of that.

All that means is that

it wasn't personal to you.

But it was personal to me.

It's personal to a lot of people.

What is so wrong

with being personal anyway?

Nothing.

Whatever else anything is,

it ought to begin by being personal.

My head is starting to get fuzzy.

Why did you stop by again? I forget.

I wanted to be your friend.

Oh.

I knew it wasn't possible.

Sometimes a guy

just wants the impossible.

Can I ask you a question?

What?

What happened with that guy

at the caf?

Nothing.

But you're crazy about him?

Yes, I am.

Why don't you run off with him?

What are you waiting for?

I don't actually know him.

Really?

I only know him through...

You won't believe this.

JOE:

Let me guess.

Through the Internet?

Yes.

JOE:

Hmm.

"You've got mail."

Yes.

Those are very powerful words.

Yes.

I'm happy for him.

Although...

Could I just make a suggestion?

What?

I think...

...you should meet him.

No, wait, I take that back.

Why would you meet somebody

you're crazy about?

I hardly think I need to take advice

from a person who...

I can see I bring out the worst in you.

Let me help you to not say something...

...you'll torture yourself about

for years to come.

I hope you feel better soon.

It'd be a shame to miss New York

in the spring.

Thank you for the daisies.

Well, you take care.

I will.

Goodbye.

KATHLEEN:

I've been thinking about this...

...and I think we should meet.

JOE:

We should meet.

And we will meet.

But I'm in the middle

of a project that needs...

...tweaking.

Some tweaking?

A project that needed...

..."tweaking."

- Yeah, that's what he said.

- T-W-E-A-K-l-N-G? Tweaking.

It sounds to me like he's married.

Three kids.

That's a terrible thing to say.

He couldn't be married.

How do you know?

Have you said, "Are you married?"

No, I'm not going to... No.

KATHLEEN:
I know this is a little late

to be asking but...

...are you married?

JOE:

Am I married?

What kind of question is that?

How can you ask me that?

Don't you know me at all?

Oh, wait, I get it.

Your friends are saying the reason

we haven't met is I'm married.

Am I right?

- So he didn't answer the question.

- Yes, he did.

- He did not.

- He did. He did. He nailed me.

He knew what I was after which is,

by the way, exactly like him.

He did not answer the question, did he?

No.

Maybe he's fat.

He's fat. He's a fatty.

I don't care.

You don't care that he's so fat...

...he has to be removed from his house

by a crane. You don't care.

KATHLEEN:

That is very unlikely.

That is completely ridiculous.

What's his handle?

Uh...

I'm not going to write him.

You think I'm going to e-mail him?

All right, N-Y-1-5-2.

N-Y-1-5-2? 152.

He's 152 years old.

He's had 152 moles removed...

...so now he's got

152 pockmarks on his...

On his face.

The number of people who think

he looks like Clark Gable.

152 people who think

he looks like a Clark Bar.

[KATHLEEN LAUGHS]

KATHLEEN:
Why'd I even tell you?

- 152 stitches from his nose job.

The number of his souvenir

shot glasses...

...that he's collected in his travels.

His address.

No, he would never do

anything that prosaic.

The only thing I

really care about is that...

...aside from the married thing

and the jail thing...

...is the boat thing.

What boat thing?

I could never be

with someone who had a boat.

I have a boat.

Oh.

Which clinches it.

We'll never be together.

- How many?

- Three.

- Allow me.

- Thank you.

I could never be with someone

who likes Joni Mitchell.

It's cloud's illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all

What does that mean? Is she a pilot?

It must be a metaphor,

but I don't know what it is.

JOE:

How's your book coming?

KATHLEEN:
There's this

children's book editor I know.

She's excited to read it

when I'm finished.

Who would ever have thought

that I would write?

- Lf I hadn't had all this time...

- Uh-huh.

- You know what?

- What?

The truth is he was the one who

started me thinking about writing.

Mr. 152 Felony Indictments.

Mr. 152 Insights Into My Soul.

Oh. Whoa. Yeah. Oh.

No competing with that.

I keep on bumping into you.

Hope your mango's ripe.

I think it is.

You want to bump into me...

...on Saturday around lunchtime?

- Yeah.

- Over there?

- Uh-huh.

- Good.

JOE:

How about meeting...

...Saturday?

Four o'clock.

There's a place in Riverside Park

at 91 st Street...

...where the path curves

and there's a garden.

Brinkley and I will be waiting.

Okay, let's do it.

Ready? And...

Doot.

There it goes.

- Today?

- Today.

Wow.

I know. In Riverside Park.

That would mean he's a Westsider.

Maybe I've seen him

and don't even know it.

JOE:
You could have seen him every day

and not know it.

KATHLEEN:

It's very possible.

- He could be anyone.

- He could be that guy.

And those flowers are for you.

JOE:
Could be the Zipper Man.

- Who's that?

The Zipper Man.

Who is that?

He repairs zippers

on Amsterdam Avenue.

- Will you cut it out?

- You'd never have to buy new luggage.

[KATHLEEN CHUCKLES]

The timing here is everything.

He's waited until you're primed.

See?

Until you are absolutely convinced

that there's no other man...

...that you could possibly love.

Yes.

You know, sometimes I wonder.

What?

If I hadn't been Fox Books...

...and you hadn't been

The Shop Around the Corner...

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