You Can't Cheat an Honest Man Page #6

- You haven't served me, you served Queenie.

- You'll pay for this.

- Dictum de dicto!

Obstructin' justice.

We'll come back with a paper

that'll put you in jail, where you belong.

If I'm not here, don't wait for me.

Wait a minute, please.

- How much is this circus in debt?

- $3500. Why?

- I just wanted to know. Thank you.

- Aw.

What? You... you will?

Vicky, darling, you've made me

the happiest person in the world.

We'll make it Saturday night.

Fine. Well, goodbye, darling.

Ohh.

Robinson, I'm gonna be married.

- Very good, sir. Your tea.

- No.

Father. Father, I'm going to get married.

- Why?

- I had to stand there while she talked.

Now I understand the separation.

She's a woman who never stops talking.

Mother. Mother.

- Roger, Mother is talking.

- How did she look?

I'm not the kind who wants to talk

about anyone, but...

- I'm going to get married.

- Really? How nice.

- Girls, it's... Married, did you say?

- Saturday night.

Saturday? Lovely.

We're having the party anyway.

Of course you're all coming.

Dear, this dress was atrocious.

- I hear she waits for the sales.

- That's not the only thing she waits for.

You would be shocked...

Roger. Roger.

Isn't that like the silly boy?

He forgot to tell me who he's marrying.

Or did he?

Well, you must forgive me...

The big show is now going on!

The big show is now going on!

The big show is now going on!

The big show...

Children half-price.

Main entrance to the left.

Thank you.

What a pity your dear mother isn't here

to share this joy with us, dear.

She's the first woman to ever wear jodhpurs

with an evening basque.

She carried a riding crop at the same time.

She hit me with it once

when I was flirting with a girl in the show.

Nothing to it, though.

She'd have been the cynosure of all eyes

at your wedding.

I want to see Edgar and Charlie.

They're waiting for me at the balloon.

All right, dear, I'm going over there now.

You pack here.

I'll bring 'em back with me.

I'll be right back with 'em.

I'll bring 'em both here.

Oh, Vicky, Vicky, Vicky.

All I hear is Vicky.

- Charlie, don't you understand?

- Yeah, I get it.

- Love, huh?

- Yes, I think it really happened this time.

Poor boy. Poor boy.

- Charlie, you could help me.

- All right, I will.

But if I'm nice to Whipsnade,

which is asking plenty...

- Yes.

...and you propose to Vicky...

- Yes.

...and she turns you down...

- Well?

- Then will you quit?

- Of course. There'll be nothing to stay for.

- It's a deal.

- You will be sweet to Whipsnade?

- I'll be more than sweet.

- I'll be sickening.

- I see.

I'll even go so far as... Uh-oh.

Speak of the polecat, and there he is.

Good afternoon, Charles,

my night-blooming jessamine.

My nostrils quiver at your pungent aroma.

Oh, thank you.

That's quite a compliment.

Considering the size of his nose.

Charlie and I were just saying

we should forget this ill feeling between us.

I have never been conscious

of any quibbling.

- Oh, that's fine, isn't it?

- Yes, I hope.

We know beneath your rough exterior

beats an honest and tender heart.

- Nice going.

- Thank you, Edgar.

I'll top it. We think you're the softest

hardboiled egg in the world.

- How's that?

- Thank you, Charles.

Thank you for those sweet pretties.

- Bergen is that way about Vicky.

- Oh, yes?

- Yes...

- He's waiting to propose to her now.

- I have hopes of being your son-in-law.

- In you, hope springs eternal.

At the mere mention of her name,

he rises to ethereal heights.

- That's what I had in mind.

- Wait!

- Help, help!

- Help!

Give my ethereal respects to St Peter.

- Help!

- Help!

I'll inform... the...

- We're loose.

- Help!

- Help!

- Help!

We're loose! Help!

Help! Make way.

Get out! Make way.

Dad, what on earth?

- Where's Edgar and Charlie?

- They've taken a powder.

I'll stand on good authority

they've absconded with our balloon.

- Come on, let's go.

- Dad, I can't believe it.

No, it's incredible.

As Grandma Litvak used to say,

never trust a ventriloquist or a barber.

Come on, let's... let's go.

Watch yourself. Come on.

- Ohh...

- Look, Charlie.

- Why, he did it on purpose.

- I agree with you.

Do you suppose he resented the idea

of my being his son-in-law?

From where I am now, I'd say yes.

- I know you're gonna be very happy.

- Dad.

Oh, come on, now.

Be brave, be brave.

Getting married is like buying a new horse

or going into a strange saloon.

- Sometimes...

- It's not that, Dad. I...

- See you tonight, Dad.

- All right, dear. Goodbye.

He certainly separated us

from terra... Ooh.

- You're not scared, are you?

- This is neither the time nor place for lying.

Oh! Whoa! Oh! Do something.

Whoa! Whoa!

- What was that? We hit something.

- No.

- What was that?

- Oh, it's probably an air pocket.

Yeah. Pocket has a bottom in it.

I... I don't... I... I...

- Oh, that's gotta stop.

- What?

- That's no good.

- What's the matter?

- I'm getting seasick.

- Airsick?

- What's the difference? I'm sick.

- I don't know what to do.

I do. Hold me.

- Oh, just throw me out, Bergen.

- Oh!

- Hang on, Charlie! Hang on!

Oh, no. Uh, hey.

- Why are you here?

- I'm a stowaway.

- A stowaway? Why?

- I don't know. Charlie said...

Oh, come on.

- Fine sort of thing.

- All right. What's the matter?

Plenty. We're in a free balloon.

- Free? Don't nobody own it?

- What I mean is we're in a runaway balloon.

Oh, a runaway. Let it run.

- No, it's untied.

- Yeah? Well, why don't you tie it up again?

All you got... Oh. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Guess you waited too long, huh?

- You might say that.

- Where's the rope?

- That's just it. It's been cut.

- Been cut?

- What's holdin' us up?

- The gasbag is.

- Gasbag.

- Yes.

Gasbag holdin' it up.

- What holds the gasbag up?

- Gas holds it up.

- Yeah?

- Gas is lighter than air. That's why we rise.

- That's the principle of a balloon.

- Tsk. No.

Yes.

Gas lighter than air.

Principle of balloon.

- Yes.

- Uh, no. I don't think it'll work.

Of course it will.

It's not ordinary gas.

- Oh. No good for cooking.

- No.

No-o-o. Will you cut it out, Mortimer?

What's the matter?

You want a pork chop?

What's he sulking about?

Never mind that.

How are we going to get down?

Well, let's see.

I could climb up on top of the bag

and push it down.

- Oh, no.

- No?

- How can you be so ignorant?

- Well... it ain't easy.

- No.

- No-o-o-o!

Hang on, boys. Hang on.

- The balloon can't stand this.

- Neither can I.

- We'll have to jump.

- Jump? You'll kill yourself.

- I have a seat pack here.

- What good is that?

- It'll save our lives.

- That little cushion? Yeah?

Well, throw it out, but you gotta be

pretty darn smart to land on it.

You're as bad as Mortimer.

This is a parachute.

- Oh, a parachute.

- Yes. It'll open up.

- Yeah, you hope.

- Yes.

- Are you jumping or staying?

- Yeah, well, I'll, uh, I'll, uh...

- I'll... What are you going to do?

- I'm going to jump.

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