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You Can't Have It Page #5
have a lot to answer for.
You know, hold on.
Why'd you act like a lunatic just now?
I have to gather my thoughts.
No, I don't think so,
why do you care who Fernie bangs?
And don't tell me because
he's a bad influence.
I am not the one who's in trouble here.
No Tammy, hey, come...
Leave me alone!
Did you guys see the look in her eyes?
I'm surprised we're all still alive.
You're telling me.
Did you see it, Ty?
I heard it, but I was talking to Jackie.
Jackie, Jackie, you're
always talking to Jackie.
Listen guys, be warned,
all women go crazy eventually.
To hit and quit.
I mean, it's not that
bad, it's just a little cut.
A little cut, that's
easy for you to say,
you don't have a mark on you.
Yeah, but I'm gonna
have nightmares about
that glare for weeks.
Dude, that is a crazy b*tch.
Did you seriously have to
tell her about me and Bill?
And the baby, no less.
Look sweetie, I'm
sorry, but the truth was
going to come out anyway,
and that's a lot of pressure,
and you know, the cork's gonna pop.
Yeah.
So come out with it, Fernie.
Why'd Tammy lose her sh*t when she heard
you were banging Karen?
Pretty obvious, dude.
Is it?
Come on, don't make me say it.
Tammy's had a thing for me for years.
You must've seen it.
You know, I think a
reaction like that's a little,
a little much, huh?
Yeah, well you said it yourself.
She's psycho.
Here we go again.
What's wrong Alex, not used
If I were you, I would
stop picking on me.
If I were you, I would
stop picking on me.
Okay, what, I haven't
even said anything yet.
Good job with the fight, Craig.
What, huh?
What, huh?
You yelled out cat fight
like some stupid frat boy.
I... represent.
Huh!
Come on baby, that's
exactly what it was.
Besides, I did way more
than he did to break it up.
All right, I'm going on my
break, you guys need anything?
No Jackie, I'm good, thank you.
I'm always good, but
you all ready knew that.
It never ends.
How'd you know girl, you
ain't even seen it yet?
You get it, right?
Yeah, yeah, I got it.
Man, I'm the funniest guy here.
You're the funniest guy at the bar.
Only if you count the guys that are
trying to be funny though.
But I am the best looking,
biggest catch at the bar.
Like the Moby Dick of bros.
I'm Broby Dick, that's awesome.
You got nice cheekbones.
Thanks, bro.
No really, that's awesome.
You know, it takes a man
who's real secure in his
masculinity to compliment
another mans looks.
I respect that.
No, I'm not too shabby myself,
so it's not like we're going
to compete with each other.
Exactly, bro.
I'm hot and you're hot, plenty
enough of us to go around.
Well you're in good
shape, I'll tell you that.
Thanks, man.
Just a few hours in the
gym each day, you know?
We should go together.
Really?
Of course man, let's get that pump.
Yeah, we'll do that, we can do that.
Yeah, it'll be great
dude, it'll be awesome.
Um, now you and Jackie,
Oh, with her?
Yeah.
I mean, just your
average guy meets girl,
you know, then guy hits
on girl, girl slaps boy.
Rinse and repeat.
But one day, one day she'll realize that
she wants the Craigster.
I can see that.
I mean, you did see
the way she referenced
my love muscle.
Yeah, we all did.
Okay, I can't, I'm
pulling your dick, bro.
She can't stand me at all.
I have seen her checking you out though.
Well I don't know about all that.
I do, bro, I seen it!
Really?
Yeah man, you could tap that ass.
What's stopping you?
I'm not like you.
You know what, I'll be your mentor,
and your best bro.
I will be your Brobi Wan Kenobi.
And I could be your Luke Guywalker.
It's a start.
No, I mean, it's your first time.
That was my first one.
Exactly.
They'll get better.
We'll have plenty more.
Oh my goodness, I'm sorry.
No, it's okay, I'm finished.
I'll wait outside.
Don't be silly, come in.
Jackie.
Oh my God, Tyler, do I really
to get you to notice me?
We just talked for half
an hour at the bar, I...
Tyler, I want you, I've
wanted you for weeks.
You're always the best
dressed guy in the bar.
Thank you, thank you.
Come on, I'm on break for 15 minutes.
No, this is not a good idea, Jackie.
Oh, what's wrong?
You nervous?
Don't worry, I'll take care of you.
No, yes, very, very nervous, yes.
You wanna go back to my place?
We can relax properly?
Jackie, I'm not interested.
I don't get it.
It's not you.
What, you're married?
No, God.
Don't you like me?
Yes Jackie, I like you very much.
I mean, my breasts
aren't bad either, right?
I've been told they're pretty fantastic.
They're awesome, they're beautiful.
Please put them away.
I don't believe you.
It's not you, Jackie,
it's nothing personal.
What, you like somebody
else, Karen, Sandy?
No, oh no.
They're pretty hot, dude, I'd do them.
I should go.
No, I'll go.
I mean, you've gotta pee, right?
Jackie, give me that back. /
What's this?
Jackie!
Wait, stop screaming!
Oh my God, it's a suicide note!
Tyler, you need to call a hotline.
I knew it, you had to be depressed.
It's not a suicide note.
You're not alone, we're here with you.
Give me the note, Jackie.
You have so much to live
for, to throw it all away.
We're gonna get you help. /
I don't wanna die!
I don't wanna die!
Nobody wants you to, you're loved.
You're not listening to me, Jackie.
I'm not gonna stand
by and let this happen.
Jackie, I like me,
okay, I like me, I'm gay!
It's not you, it is me.
Wow.
Okay, okay, well everything
makes so much more sense.
You could've told me
Well nobody knows.
My aunt knows, I told her I'd
kill her if she told anyone.
That's overreacting a little bit.
Wait, are you threatening me?
No, and tonight was the
night I was coming out,
and I was nervous and I
and that's the note.
That's what that note is.
Aw, that takes a lot of courage.
And I am relieved because
if you were straight
and rejected me, I'd
probably binge on ice cream
for the next two weeks.
there's another secret
that's not in the note.
Oh.
Well I come up here
every night to see Craig.
Wow.
Are you kidding?
Okay, I'm sorry, is my mascara running?
No, it looks good.
I'm not laughing at you, I promise.
Craig will get some action.
Not even now, I'd never
talked to him until tonight,
he's kind of an ass.
Uh yeah, no kidding.
Could you do me a favor?
make my announcement, okay?
Cross my heart.
You're a really sweet guy, Tyler.
Last chance.
I'm good, and you're pretty,
and all of that is awesome,
but you know.
Okay, I'll leave it alone
but if you ever want to
experiment, you know where to find me.
But that in the bank.
Holy sh*t, bro, bro, bro!
Hey, you did not just hit that?
Hit what?
Jackie man!
Dude I saw her coming
out of the bathroom,
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"You Can't Have It" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/you_can't_have_it_23855>.
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