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You Can't Have It Page #6
fixing her jacket and her apron.
Dude, the sign, I know what you did!
Yeah, it was great Craig,
she had long breasts.
Long tits?
No sh*t, like how long
though, like out here?
Like long, erect nipples.
Okay, awesome, did she?
Come on, did she?
You know, the face, the...
Yeah, she did!
Yeah, I know she did, yes!
Oh dude, I'm not
jealous or anything man.
Man, honestly I'd like some advice.
Like what's your secret, bro?
Just be yourself.
What?
Don't what us, you just had
sex with Tyler, didn't you?
Oh, stop.
Oh my god girl, you
don't cover up well at all.
No, we didn't, I swear.
We were in there together
and we just talked.
What you talk about, huh?
His favorite position?
No, I swear to god, we
talked about authenticity.
You are full of sh*t.
So what's he like?
Is his dick as big as I imagined?
Guys, I can't really
get into this right now.
So it was like straight,
or is it crooked?
Because sometimes when it's crooked it
just hits that little spot, you know.
Oh my God, we literally just talked.
Trust me, it will make sense later.
It's hard to talk with
a dick in your mouth.
You guys.
Um, we've been friends
for a long time, right?
Oh sh*t, who did you do?
No one, no, I just wanted
to get everybody together
and just talk about something
that has been on my mind
for a long time.
And I thought it'd be
easier if I just had
everyone together.
Well come on, come on, out with it, man.
Guys, I'm gay.
Yeah, awesome, so what do
you wanna talk to us about?
That's not really news there, man.
Yeah, we've known for a while.
What?
What are you talking about?
I've got every chick here wanting me.
You guys are telling me
who to have sex with,
and new positions, and drawing diagrams.
Come on man, any other
guy would've been banging
Jackie for years, all right.
Plus you have a lilac...
It's a kerchief, it's French.
And tonight's the only
night that you've drank
something other than white wine.
Plus we heard you
screaming in the bathroom
four minutes ago.
No?
Scream what from the bathroom?
Tyler's gay.
Told you everything would make sense.
Dude, you're awesome, bro.
Yeah, thanks Craig.
No, really, you're a true American hero.
Like GI Bro status.
First you're banging the
snot out of Jackie in
the bathroom, and then
you come over here and
you tell us all that you're gay.
That's so good, I love you man.
Well I appreciate that,
Craig, that was nice.
We didn't do anything Craig.
I mean, how did you become so thick?
That's what she said.
Okay, you guys are crazy.
Tyler, we're really proud of you.
Thank you.
You know, you're brave,
and if you ever wanna like
experiment maybe, like
tag team me, a couple guys
or something, you know where to find me.
Well that is not out of question.
You know, it took a lot
of guts, you're awesome.
You are awesome, thank you.
Sorry about the big surprise.
Ah, it's all right,
what are you gonna do?
At least something positive happened.
for sticking with me
and making this a little easier on me.
Thank you.
Wait.
So, you're gay, you didn't tap that ass?
No, Jackie's great
but she's not my type.
Okay, what is?
I don't know, you finished drinking yet?
Finished drinking?
I don't know, is it morning yet?
Well have you ever had
the flavor of a nice pinot
in your mouth?
No, actually, I'm not
really a fan of white wine
but sure dude, I'll try
anything once, you're buying.
He's so easy.
Hey babe, how you doing?
You all right?
No, no, that is not a good
idea, do not come here.
No, we can talk about it later!
Why so shady, brother?
What, you can't talk on the
phone in front of your friends.
That was Tammy, bro.
She's on her way back here.
And she called you?
Oh, she's gonna call you?
Well that doesn't sound good.
Yeah, you know her,
there's no way of knowing.
What they hell, she called
you from the parking lot.
Why did you change?
I told you not to come here.
You show up dressed like that.
I need to talk to Bill.
Tammy, you cannot tell
him about us, all right?
He's all ready suspicious.
I'm not losing my husband to that whore.
All right, he's my best
friend, I'm not losing that.
You lost that as soon as
now didn't you?
What are you gonna tell him?
Oh, Fernie, it's none of your business.
It is my business.
I'll take care of it, just relax.
Hi Billy boy.
Hey, sweetheart.
We have a lot to discuss, don't we?
Yeah, yeah we do.
Let's discuss how hot you look,
I've never seen you like this before.
Give me a hard on the size of Florida.
You're as shallow as
Can you please just be
a man for five seconds?
I'll try, I can guarantee two or three.
What... about all this?
Well we have options.
Options, good, what are they?
Uh, well one, we can
just completely distance
ourselves from the whole
situation and pay child support.
Two, we can accept the
child into our lives.
Three, I can be in the child's life
and just not involve you at all.
Or four, Sandy could have an abortion,
but that would take a lot of persuading,
and I don't see that happening.
Hmm, so in all four of these scenarios,
you and I stay together.
Yeah, yeah, 100%, that's
what we want, right?
So, what do you wanna do?
Then I'll go with option
two, we stay in the kids life,
we help raise it.
I mean, just because
you're a real piece of work
doesn't mean the kid doesn't
deserve a dad, right?
Sounds like a plan.
I'll tell Sandy.
No you won't.
I won't?
I'll tell her.
Of course.
Where is she?
I haven't seen her.
Okay, well don't worry about it.
You just run off and play with
your little friends, okay?
Sandra, may I have a
word with you, please?
Yeah, okay, I don't think so.
You're lucky she's not in the hospital.
Well, she's about to be in the hospital
having my husbands baby, so
Not now, they need to settle...
You know, I'm as cool
as a cucumber, Karen.
The way I see it, the
kid just doesn't deserve
to grow up without a dad,
so I suggest that you and
I go somewhere privately,
and discuss the dynamics
of our new family.
All right.
Yeah, Karen, I'm willing to listen.
Will you excuse us?
You know, Karen can stay here,
I think you and I should go to
the bathroom, talk about it.
Okay.
Okay.
I have to get over him anyways.
Look, all things considered,
I owe you an apology.
I've been sleeping with
your husband and I'm sorry.
I know it was wrong.
Bro, what kind of bullshit is that?
What?
Options, I thought you
were breaking up with her.
What, I thought about it and I decided I
wanna stay alive.
Besides, she's started looking
hotter over the last hour.
Yeah, that's the magic of
makeup and a tight dress.
Come on?
Something's gotta happen
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"You Can't Have It" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/you_can't_have_it_23855>.
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