You Can't Have It Page #7

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Guys, it's all ready

been a night, all right?

And you're right, Tammy looks great.

Look, if you ever decide

to experiment on the straight

side, stay away from my wife, all right?

She's bad news.

They're all bad news.

Like I said, he knows everything.

I don't remember asking you to join us.

Hey, I don't remember

asking for all the sh*t

that happened neither,

because this is the one

night I come here to relax.

Well look man, none of

us wanted this to happen.

Well whatever happened, it happened

because you messed up.

I oughta kick your ass.

Fernando, you lost your

job because you messed up.

Are you gonna buy me a drink?

And you're gonna shut up.

Please give me a scotch.

Pay attention, Bill, that's

what a real man orders.

You don't know who's who here, do you?

You don't even know who you really are.

What the hell you talking about?

These are my best friends.

Idiot.

You didn't figure out Tyler

here was gay until now.

And Fernando, you keep

insisting that you just speak

with your best friends wife privately.

Privately.

And Billy, you're just facing

those little girls off in

there because you wanna

save your own ass.

You wanna save your

own little sorry ass.

You're pretty quick to judge.

Hey Billy, there's a lot of old sayings

written about guys just like you.

What old saying?

Such as hell have no

fury like a woman scorned.

Yeah, I've heard it, so?

Yeah, what do you think

Tammy is doing with Sandra

in that room?

Well, I'm not entirely blameless,

I've been having an affair

with Fernando for months.

Fernando, oh my God.

Okay, so that's why you

ran into the bathroom and...

There's more.

Bill and I've been trying

to get pregnant since we got

married and nothing's worked until,

well, in a sick way hearing

Bill got you pregnant

was almost a relief.

Because you know he's not sterile?

No, because I'm pregnant

with Fernando's baby.

Oh my God, you're kidding?

Wow, I mean, I guess it's perfect,

everyone gets what they wanted.

I just never, never planned

for it to happen this way.

Well I mean, life is what happens

when you're busy making other plans.

I mean, that's what they say, right?

Yeah, it's just, it's

just a lot to take in, okay.

It's gonna be fine.

It will be fine.

Everything won't be fine.

Why, we're both getting what

we wanted, it will be perfect?

Do you remember what I told you before,

last time we were in here?

I said if you touch me

again, I would kill you.

You've been picturing

this perfect little life

where everything works out,

but you can't have it.

Bill, Bill, Bill!

Lay her down.

What you do, what happened?

Bill, this isn't about you.

Fernando, I'm carrying your child.

Why did I have to fall in love with you?

Oh my God.

Our friendship didn't mean sh*t!

I can explain, bro.

Freeze!

Calm down, Bill.

What's going on in here?

Boys, back it off, relax!

Hey, get off of me.

Hey, we'll take it from here.

Keep everything locked down, officers.

Excuse me, who do you think you are?

You were my best man.

Someone need to do some explaining,

what's going on in here?

Stand down, officers, we've got this.

I need more than that, ma'am.

Federal agent, we're good, thank you.

Thank you for coming in.

You two want to get fired, Officer.

No, ma'am.

Then I suggest you call

your god damn captain

and get on with doing my job.

Gentlemen, I have your proof right here.

Thank you, good work.

Sit down, Fernando.

Have you ever heard of Shiam Simya?

No, why should I give a sh*t about them?

It sounds like Chinese or something.

It's actually Russian,

also known as MI7,

the biggest crime syndicate

in the former Soviet Union.

Were those the bastards

that killed Tammy?

Not quite, why don't

you tell him, Fernando?

I've got nothing to say.

It's all in there.

Your best buddy Fernando

here was paid to be

the eyes and ears of the... Muerto,

MI7's biggest rival in the heroin trade.

Geez, that's a lot of cash.

Yeah man, my idiot dad decided he wanted

to buy a house with cash.

Uh, okay.

You're all dead.

Everyone wanted to

keep an eye on you, Bill.

Tammy was an agent for MI7,

assigned to keep an eye

on you and Fernando.

Was that Russian?

Hey, yeah, I'm taking a class.

I don't get it.

It was all about Jacob, Bill,

everyone thought you were him.

Jacob, no, they told me

he died four years ago.

He did, he took six bullets to the chest

but not everyone was convinced.

He had a habit of posing as you,

an average, government

employee, no threat to anyone.

That doesn't make any

sense, why would he do that?

Because who knows what

kind of secrets people spill

when they think nobody knows

what they're talking about.

In this case, the codes

for the information satellite

that MI7 uses for their

secure communication.

Yeah, your brother was

real close to cracking

those codes when he was killed.

Nobody knew how close he was,

and everybody wanted to know.

So convenient information

leak made the dealers think

that he was still alive

and posing as you.

We wanted to keep an eye on them,

and knew they'd be drawn to you.

Ah great, so you used me as bait.

Sometimes sacrifices must

be made for the greater good.

I know I shouldn't have voted for Bush.

Actually, it was Clinton who authorized

the company for those types of calls.

Bastards.

So, I don't get it, why

did Tammy kill Sandy?

Sandy was with the Sicilians.

The Sicilians were

also trying to get access

to that satellite.

Sorry.

Oh, an Italian passport.

And they all thought

that I had these codes?

Still not sure you don't.

Why didn't you just kill me?

MI7 was afraid you had written

down the codes somewhere,

and everybody else

was afraid you hadn't.

So every relationship

that I've had for the past

four years has been a lie.

I need a god damn drink.

Tyler was straight, not literally,

but he wasn't an agent

and neither was Craig.

You should just be happy

that you're alive, pal.

Tammy was actually supposed to

kill you and Fernando tonight.

It turns out she

really did love you guys.

So what about you three?

Suzanne, Rafferty, and I,

we're assigned to protect you,

but we couldn't let you know.

Hey, hey!

Off me, get off me!

For gods sakes.

Yeah, do it tight.

Okay, so what now?

So now, your friend Fernando

goes away for a while,

a long while.

And you go into witness protection.

You're still a target, Bill.

We can't risk letting you go.

I need a cigarette,

anybody have a smoke?

There's no smoking in here.

Well can I go out for

at least a minute, please?

He's fine, I mean,

there's cops everywhere.

Here.

Hey, Bill.

I'm sorry.

All my friends were not my friends

and I was just the job to them.

But you are too.

Seriously, if you need me for anything,

I got your back, okay?

Relax.

It's finally over.

Well hell, this is

bigger than I thought.

Isn't it?

Yeah, you were right about one thing.

Everybody has secrets.

My secret, I took my dead

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