You Can't Take It with You Page #4

Gather around, everybody.

It's the town crier.

- The town crier.

- What is it?

Gather around, everybody.

Where's Grandpa?

I have an announcement to make.

- What is it?

- A young man is calling for me.

Is that all, Alice?

- Maybe he's a special young gentleman.

- You may go to the head of the class.

What's special about him?

Has he got horns or something?

- Maybe he's handsome like Ed.

- I'd better put a tie on.

- Where'd you meet him?

- Better set another place.

No. Mother, we're going out.

I thought he'd better take you in easy doses.

Mother, please don't read any of your plays

to him the first time he comes...

...because I like him.

Essie, I wouldn't dance for him

if I were you...

...because we're going

to the Monte Carlo Ballet later.

- Does anybody know what time it is?

- It was 5:
00 about two hours ago, wasn't it?

Oh, never mind.

- Where's Grandpa?

- He's upstairs.

Incidentally, the young man's name is Tony

Kirby. Let me know the minute he comes.

Tony Kirby? Say, that's the boss' son.

Really?

Yes, and she told me

they've made him vice president.

Isn't that wonderful?

We could have the wedding right here

in this room.

Now, wait a minute, Penny.

- This is the first time he's called for the girl.

- You only called for me once.

- Young folks are different nowadays.

- I don't know. Look at Ed and me.

He came to dinner once and just stayed.

That's right.

The whole Alabama football team

would have stayed, too...

...if you'd had 10 more Essies.

How am I doing, Essie?

Well, there's a lot of fuss being made

about a young man taking you out to dinner.

Well, there's a lot of fuss being made

about a young man taking you out to dinner.

What's so exciting about that?

- A proposal is exciting.

- Proposal!

That's something very different.

Move over there and give me some room.

Stop messing with that package.

And let's get down to cases.

In love, huh?

Well, well, l...

"Well, I," my foot.

Either you are or you aren't.

Let me look at your eyes.

Yes, of course.

Now, come on, tell me all about it.

What kind of a boy is he?

Do you have fun together?

That's no answer to any question.

Is he nice?

- Can't even talk about him, can you?

- Not rationally.

Who's asking you to be rational?

Listen...

...when I was courting your grandmother,

it took me two years to propose.

You know why?

The moment she'd walk into a room,

my knees buckled.

The blood would rush up into my head

and the walls would start to dance.

- Twice I keeled over in a dead faint.

- Why, Grandpa!

Yeah, she finally dragged it out of me

when I was in bed with a 104 fever...

...and in a state of hysteria.

When she accepted, the fever returned

to normal and I hopped out of bed.

Why, the case was written up in the medical

journals as the phenomenon of the times.

There was nothing phenomenal about it.

I just had it bad, that's all.

And I never got over it either.

Right up to the very last,

she couldn't walk into a room...

...without my heart going thump, thump.

Oh, you darling.

I wish I had known her.

What was she like?

Look in there.

This was her room, too.

Did you ever notice

the peculiar fragrance in here?

Yes, but I never knew what it was.

It's hers. It's never left here.

She hasn't either.

I can still hear the tinkle

of her thin little voice...

...and see her eyes laughing.

That's the reason I've lived in this house

so many years and could never move out.

It would be like moving out on Grandma.

You go on back

to that infernal package of yours.

Now, wait just a minute.

It's for you.

- For me?

- Yes.

Why, bless my soul. It's a new harmonica.

- That's for your birthday.

- My birthday?

How do you know when my birthday is?

I don't even know myself.

Anytime I get an impulse

to buy you a present, that's your birthday.

Well, thanks, darling.

Grandpa.

Grandpa, I hope you like him.

Anybody you fall in love with

is all right with me, Alice.

- You know that.

- Thanks, Grandpa.

Incidentally, what's his name?

Tony Kirby.

- Not the son of "the" Kirby?

- Yes.

Pretty snooty outfit, aren't they?

Yes, but it's all right.

Tony told his mother about it.

It doesn't matter, I'm so happy.

I can't think of anything.

You go right on being happy.

Yes, I think I'll go downstairs

and take a whack at this.

I wonder where Alice's boyfriend is.

- Isn't that the doorbell?

- Doorbell's ringing.

- Get the doorbell, somebody.

- Want me to go?

Never mind. I'm coming.

I'll answer it. It's all right, Rheba. I'll go.

Grandpa, he's here. Alice's young man.

Remember what she said.

Everybody be nice to him.

That's the first time that doorbell's rung

since Halloween.

Pipe, pipe.

- Welcome to our little home.

- How do you do?

I'm Alice's mother. Come right in.

Everybody's dying to know you.

Now, here we are.

That's Grandpa, and that's Alice's father,

her sister and her husband, Ed Carmichael.

- Make yourself at home.

- I'm afraid there's been a mistake.

- How's that?

- My card.

"Wilbur G. Henderson.

Internal Revenue Dept."

Well, for heaven's sake.

- I'm looking for Martin Vanderhof.

- Right here, sir.

Excuse me. I've got work to do.

- Mind if I sit down?

- Sit right down, sir.

Mr. Vanderhof, the government wants

to talk to you about a matter of income tax.

Income tax?

- Is that Mr. Kirby, Mother?

- No, it's an internal something or other.

Pardon me.

Mr. Vanderhof, we've written many letters

about this, but we've received no reply.

That's what those letters were.

Did you hear that, Penny?

- This is the party that's been writing to me.

- It's not me, Mr. Vanderhof.

You see, the Internal Revenue Office...

- That must be him now.

- Doorbell's ringing again.

- I heard the doorbell.

- I'm on it.

Want me to go?

Pipe, pipe.

How do you do, Mr. Kirby? Come right in.

- Thank you.

- We've been expecting you.

- You are Mr. Kirby, aren't you?

- Oh, yes.

Thank heavens. Here he is.

This is really Mr. Kirby.

This is Alice's father, and her grandfather,

and her sister Essie, and Essie's husband.

- Won't you sit down, Mr. Kirby?

- Yes.

- Mother, is that Mr. Kirby?

- Yes, dear. He's lovely.

I'll be right down.

- She'll be right down.

- Thank you very much.

- Do y'all play football?

- A little, yeah.

You are awful young to be a vice president.

You know what that means, vice president.

An office with my name on the door.

Is that all?

I have a secretary.

A very lovely secretary, too.

Isn't that sweet, Ed?

How about salary?

Don't you get any salary?

A little. More than I'm worth, I'm afraid.

I beg your pardon.

I suppose you're ready

to settle down and get married now?

Come now, Penny. I'm sure Mr. Kirby

knows his own mind.

You mustn't rush him, Mother.

All I meant was, he's bound to get married,

and suppose the wrong girl gets him.

Mr. Vanderhof, I've got to be going.

Oh, too bad.

I'm sorry you can't stay to dinner.

Drop in again.

If you don't mind,

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