You Can't Take It with You Page #6

...you don't need.

- Yeah, I agree with him.

So he kind of taught all of us

not to be afraid of anything...

...and to do what we want to do,

and, well, it's kind of fun, anyway.

Yeah, that's it, but that takes courage.

Especially that

do-what-you-want-to-do department.

I remember in college,

another guy and I had an idea.

- Do you mind if I talk about myself?

- lf you don't, I will.

This guy and I had this idea.

We wanted to find out...

...what made grass grow green.

That sounds silly, but that's the biggest

research problem in the world today.

I'll tell you why.

Because there's a tiny little engine

in the green...

...of this grass and in the green of the trees

that has the mysterious gift...

...of being able to take energy

from the rays of the sun and store it up.

You see, that's how the heat, and power

in coal, and oil, and wood, is stored up.

We thought if we could find the secret...

...of all those millions of little engines...

...in this green stuff, we can make big ones

and then we could take all the power...

...we could ever need

right from the sun's rays. See?

- That's wonderful. I never knew that.

- Yeah.

We worked and worked on it...

...day and night. We got so excited about it

we forgot to sleep.

If we'd make just one little discovery...

...we'd walk on air for days.

Yeah, then what?

Then we left school...

...and now he's selling automobiles...

...and I'm in some strange thing

called banking.

I saw him a couple of weeks ago.

Poor guy. Bob Smith is his name.

Got all excited again,

wanted to talk about nothing else.

And?

He's married, and his wife just had a baby.

Didn't think it was fair to gamble

with the future.

Anyway, that's his excuse

for lack of courage.

Don't say it. What's my excuse?

The Kirbys have been bankers

for 9,000 years...

...and the line just can't be broken.

That's been pounded into my head

until I have softening of the brain.

That's my excuse.

Tony, that's kind of silly,

you're pretty young to...

I resent what you said about your brain.

I think it's beautiful.

You do?

You don't say.

That's probably the first thing you noticed

about me, that you liked my colossal brain.

No, it was the back of your head.

- My head?

- Yes.

- Nothing but a bump back there.

- The shape of it.

What happened when I turned around?

I figured I would have to get used to that.

You figured?

I figured it might not take very long,

but I figured I'd just...

- You just figured that you'd get used to that.

- Yes.

- I'm glad you figured.

- Yes.

What do you say, mister?

Want to learn to do the Big Apple?

What do you say, mister?

Want to learn to do the Big Apple?

- That's against the law, you know?

- So is necking.

- How much is it?

- Ten cents.

Wouldn't do it for a nickel, would you?

I get it.

- Can you do the Big Apple?

- No, can you?

No.

All right. I'll take a chance.

There you are. What do we do?

You just watch them. It's a lead pipe cinch.

Okay, Red. You and Snoopy.

Make it hot. Let her go.

You just watch them.

Oh, yeah!

Okay. Dorothy, you take this man.

- Come on, wiggle.

- Wiggle?

Point your toe.

- Which toe?

- That one.

Come on, wiggle!

It's not good unless you wiggle.

That's right. Wiggle.

- Swell.

- Swell.

The winner.

- Come on.

- Take it easy, Alice.

You ready?

- You all set now?

- Yep.

Shuffle, and shuffle, and move around.

Break, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, step.

Come on, sister, loosen up. You're too stiff.

Yeah, Alice. Loosen up. That's it.

Very good. The new champion.

All right. Grab your partners.

Wonder whatever happened

to Astaire and Rogers.

Jiggers, the cops.

Pretty swank.

Good evening, Mr. Kirby. Good evening.

We seem to be attracting a little attention.

Oh, no. It isn't you they are watching.

It's Lord Melville.

- Lord Melville?

- Yes.

- Where is he?

- At your table with your father.

Tony, don't ask me to go over there

because I won't.

No, Alice. It will be all right.

I want you to meet a four-star blueblood.

Come on.

Good evening.

- Hello, Mother.

- Hello, Tony.

No, please.

Please be seated.

My son Tony, and Miss...

- Alice Sycamore.

- Sycamore, of course.

I never could remember names.

Lord and Lady Melville.

- How do you do?

- How do you do, sir?

Governor Leach and Mrs. Leach.

How do you do?

Nice party.

- A couple of chairs, please.

- No, a table for two.

- Yes, sir.

- Just want a table for two.

- What do you have there, sir? A new game?

- Oh, no.

I was just seeing

how far I could trace my family tree.

Your mother was interested.

I thought all that family tree stuff

went out with the buffalo.

How absurd, Tony.

America is more and more conscious

of its background.

It cost me $5,000 last year

to trace my family tree.

And you, Miss Sycamore.

Have you a family tree?

- Me?

- Yes.

My dear sir, don't you know

that a sycamore is a tree?

No comment.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Boy, there are going to be some questions

asked about my family, and their tree.

- I can just feel it.

- Good, I know all the answers.

If we're honest now, we're going

to save ourselves a lot of embarrassment.

Tony, I want you to invite them to my house.

So that's what has been on your mind?

It will give them an opportunity

to meet everyone, and then they'll know us.

All right. I think I can arrange that.

Let's see, I can put each member

of your family in a separate cage...

...and then put tags on them and the Kirbys

can march up and down like this.

Do you think I'm going to put you

on exhibition like a circus?

- I don't mind.

- I do. I'm just not going to bother.

We've got to.

To them, I'll always be

just a stenographer who...

- Look at your mother. She is still staring.

- Who wouldn't stare at you?

Tony, promise me you'll do it.

You know, every time I think how lucky I am,

I feel like screaming.

Tony, please promise you'll invite them.

- I feel a scream coming on.

- We'll have to face it sooner or later.

It's starting in my toes.

Sort of a tingling sensation.

- Ask them for Wednesday.

- It's creeping up around my knees.

It's going up my legs.

Traveling faster and faster.

- You're not really going to scream.

- It's in my stomach now. It's got me.

Not with your mother here.

- It's going up. It's all over my body now.

- Please don't.

It's in my throat. It's fighting to get out.

I can't hold it back any longer. Here it goes.

No!

What happened?

- A mouse went right past there.

- A mouse in this place?

- A rat that long with hair on it.

- A rat with hair on it?

There were about six of them.

Six or seven of them?

- Where?

- Where?

Right under that table.

There they go!

Mr. Kirby, I'm terribly sorry, terribly sorry.

It's all right, Henri.

Buy yourself some mousetraps.

Thank you.

Are you ready, Anthony?

Are you serious about taking me

on this slumming tour?

The more we fight him, the more he'll resist.

It's the only thing to do.

Pretend, at least,

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