You Can't Take It with You Page #8

Please, folks.

Let's not discuss Mr. Kirby's ulcers.

Grandpa, please talk about something else.

Ask Mr. Kirby about business.

I'll be right back.

As a matter of fact, Mr. Kirby,

how are business conditions?

What?

Well, that depends

on what side of the fence you're on.

Personally, I find an improvement.

There are two schools of thought

on that subject, and I have no ulcers.

You wait.

- Do you mind if I smoke a cigar?

- Not at all. Of course not.

What about the unemployment problem?

Unemployment?

Unemployment is not the main problem,

Mr. Vanderhof.

No?

- Why, I thought...

- Yes, I know.

But that sort of viewpoint

is purely emotional, not economic.

Now, for instance, in 1929...

My goodness, that's wonderful.

It really frightened you, didn't it?

Mr. Poppins.

Mr. and Mrs. Kirby.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

Mr. Poppins makes up these masks

as a sort of hobby.

Oh, really?

I think he ought to warn people

before he pops up in front of them like that.

Now, let me see. What can we talk about?

- Have you any hobbies, Mr. Kirby?

- Business is my hobby.

- Grandpa plays the harmonica.

- Really?

Did you ever try one, Mr. Kirby?

Well, I...

He used to be champion.

He won first prize at amateur night.

Told me so himself, didn't you, Dad?

Say, I bet you and I could do a mean duet.

I'm too busy a man

to fool around with harmonicas.

Here we are.

Did you get everything, Donald?

Yes. There weren't any more weenies,

so I got pickled pigs' feet.

Just take everything into the kitchen.

I'll have some scrambled eggs made for you,

and a plain salad.

That'll be fine. Thank you.

Forgot the mustard.

That's that, I guess.

Fine impression we're making.

Tony, how could you make such a mistake?

You knew it was for tomorrow night.

Yeah, I guess it wasn't such a hot idea.

You mean you did it on purpose?

Tony, that's dreadful.

How could you do such a thing?

I didn't want to bring them down here at all,

but you insisted.

If they have to meet you,

I want them to meet you as you are.

Not on some trumped-up evening

with everybody acting unnaturally.

There's nothing unnatural

in wanting them to like us.

If they don't like you the way you are,

too bad.

It doesn't make any difference to me

what they think.

If you'd just left things alone,

everything would have been all right.

But, no, you had to go and get funny

and spoil everything.

It was a pretty stupid idea, I know.

But, Alice, I'm just trying to be honest

about this thing.

I brought my family down here

just as they are, stuffed shirts and all.

I'm not trying to put on an act with them.

Why should you?

I'm trying to be honest, too. Can't you

understand? I've got to get their approval.

I'm not going to stand for your mother

looking at me as if I were a thief.

What do you think I am, a goop?

Start the eggs, Rheba.

Have you any hobbies, Mrs. Kirby?

Well, as a matter of fact, I have.

I'm a student of occultism.

- What's that?

- That's spiritualism, dear.

Spiritualism?

Why, Mrs. Kirby, I'm surprised.

- Everybody knows spiritualism is a fake.

- I beg your pardon?

Now, Penny. You mustn't criticize

other people's hobbies.

- You got one or two of your own, you know.

- Yes, but not silly ones.

The perfect hobby should improve the body

as well as the mind.

The perfect hobby should improve the body

as well as the mind.

The Romans were great people. Why?

What was their hobby? Wrestling.

In wrestling you must think quick

with the mind and act quick with the body.

Yeah. I agree with you.

When I was young, I was pretty good at it.

- But, unfortunately, as one grows older...

- Foolishness.

Once a wrestler, you never forget.

I have not done it for six years,

but I forget nothing.

Look.

What's happening in here?

Sit down, Mr. Kirby.

- Where are my glasses?

- Here they are.

Mr. Kirby, they're broken.

I am sorry, but when you wrestle again,

Mr. Kirby, you will of course...

...not wear your glasses.

- I do not intend to wrestle again, sir.

- That was very silly, Kolenkhov.

I'm sorry you did that.

I'm sorry, Mr. Kirby.

If you don't mind, I think we better be going.

- That's the best idea I've heard yet.

- Please don't go.

You're absolutely right, Mrs. Kirby.

I think you should go.

The whole thing was a mistake.

I'm terribly sorry for everything.

Alice, let me stay. I want to talk to you.

I'd rather you didn't.

There's nothing to talk about.

- Good night, Mrs. Kirby.

- Good night.

Good night, Mr. Kirby.

I hope you didn't get hurt.

No. It's a pleasure to have met all of you.

- Tony, come on.

- Alice, l...

- Will I see you tomorrow?

- I don't know.

- But l...

- Good night, Tony.

Good night.

- Stay right where you are, everybody.

- For heaven's sake.

What's this all about?

- Which one is it?

- That one over there.

Who? Me? What do you mean?

- Look here. We don't belong in this house.

- Keep your mouth shut, you.

What's your name?

Ed Carmichael, and I haven't done anything.

See here. This seems very high-handed.

- What's it all about?

- Police Department.

J-men.

- G-men, Penny.

- Ed, what have you done?

Nothing. I told you

somebody was following me.

But these people don't belong here.

Please let them go.

Don't let anybody out that door.

This is outrageous.

Do you realize who I am?

- What's your name?

- Beton Batopevitch Kolenkhov.

- Where are you from?

- Omsk.

- Where?

- Omsk.

- These stairs lead to the cellar?

- Yes, they do.

Look out, Chief.

- What do you call this?

- It's called the New Monster.

Oh, playing boogieman, huh?

Yeah. Get over there.

He must've gotten out

of the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Mike, Bill.

Take a look.

Come here, you.

- Ever see these before?

- Yes, sir. I printed lots of them.

- Oh, you print this stuff?

- Yes, sir.

And you put them into candy boxes

to get them into people's homes?

- Oh, my Love Dreams.

- But I didn't mean anything.

- You didn't?

- No, sir.

- "Watch for the Revolution."

- Radicals.

"The Red Flag will sweep the country."

I didn't mean that.

I just like to print, that's all.

Oh, see here.

The government isn't in any danger from Ed.

Why, printing is just his hobby. That's all.

He'd print anything.

It's just like a play, isn't it?

Now, look here, young man.

Don't be so silly. I must get my pipe.

We were right. There is enough gunpowder

to blow up the town.

- We only use that...

- Shut up.

Everybody here is under arrest.

- What's that?

- I must get it.

Stay right here.

- I must get it.

- You stay right where you are.

But it's lit.

- What's that?

- The fireworks.

Jim.

- Anthony.

- Miriam, run!

- Grandpa!

- Keep your shirts on.

The Revolution!

Home again.

Just like Siberia. Only it stinks.

It was fun being fingerprinted, wasn't it?

Mr. Kirby didn't think so.

It took three men to hold him down.

Never a dull moment, that's what I say,

never a dull moment.

I can walk alone.

I never heard of anything so outrageous

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