You Can't Take It with You Page #9

in my life.

Never mind the argument.

Stop pushing me around, fools.

I'm Anthony P. Kirby. You hear me?

Okay, I'm George Washington.

I want a telephone.

I want to call my attorneys, you numbskulls.

We've made two calls for you already.

Keep your shirt on.

- But this is Mr. Kirby, the banker.

- Yeah, well, that ain't my fault.

Night court's in session right now.

He'll have to wait his turn.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Kirby.

- You're sorry.

That's something

after what I've been through.

After all, you did come on the wrong night.

The mayor will hear of this

and so will the commissioner.

- I'll have you all fired!

- Dad, don't get excited.

In a couple of hours...

I hope you're satisfied with your mother

in there with a lot of cheap, common...

Pipe down, big shot. We want music.

Hit it up, Pop, and make it hot.

Listen, Matron, I'm Mrs. Kirby.

Mrs. Anthony P. Kirby.

I'll give you $100

if you'll get me a private room.

- We have those for the insane cases.

- Please, she doesn't belong here with us.

Have her throw a couple of fits, lady,

and I'll try to fix it.

Mrs. Kirby, please, believe me, I'm so sorry

to have gotten you into all these troubles.

I'll appreciate it

if you'll leave me strictly alone.

Don't let her get you, sister.

They're getting tougher every place.

Where you been operating?

You got class. That's the connection

I'm looking for.

Wasn't it exciting in that car

with the sirens screaming?

You better sit on your hands, Mrs. Kirby.

It gets kind of cold after you sit awhile.

All right, but don't say I didn't tell you

when you begin to feel it.

Oh, good heavens.

Come down off your high horse.

It'll do you some good.

If you don't mind,

I don't need anyone to do me good.

Never can tell. I know a good...

Let her alone. Can't you see she's a lady?

A lady? They sure get around nowadays.

You needn't waste your time trying

to protect me. That won't help you.

If you had any sense,

you'd stay where you belong...

...and stop being ambitious.

Shall I sock her, Alice?

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Spend a quarter of a million dollars a year

for attorneys and I can't get one of them.

Young man, will you get me

some bicarbonate of soda?

What flavor?

Well, I've got you to thank for this.

I hope it will teach you a lesson.

Fooling around with stenographers.

- Now, listen, Dad. I intend to marry that girl.

- Yes, I know.

I was going to marry a waitress once,

but my father knocked it out of me.

If you'll excuse me, Mr. Kirby.

I don't believe anyone has the right

to interfere with young people in love.

I don't believe anyone has the right

to interfere with young people in love.

- Why don't you relax?

- Relax?

With my son practically being stolen

from under my nose.

Me being locked up like a common criminal.

Relax!

You know what will happen

if the newspapers get hold of this?

It'll jeopardize the biggest deal of my career.

Stop worrying.

If I know my granddaughter, she isn't

going to marry Tony without your blessing.

The only thing you've got to be concerned

about is this big deal of yours.

What if it does fall through?

What if all your deals fall through?

- Might be a good thing for you.

- Man, you're crazy.

Well, maybe I am,

but I used to be just like you once.

Then one morning,

when I was going up in the elevator...

...it struck me I wasn't having any fun.

So I came right down and never went back.

Yes, sir. That was 35 years ago.

Admirable.

And you haven't done a thing since?

Oh, yes. Just the things I wanted to do.

Collected stamps.

Went to the zoo when I got the notion,

took up the harmonica again...

...and even found time

to notice when spring came around.

This would be a fine country if we

visited the zoo and played the harmonica.

You used to play one yourself.

Tony said so.

Maybe you ought to take it up again.

Maybe it would stop you trying to be

so desperate about making more money...

...than you can ever use.

You can't take it with you, Mr. Kirby.

So what good is it?

As near as I can see, the only thing you can

take with you is the love of your friends.

Why don't you go out

and get yourself a pulpit somewhere?

I'm sorry.

- Which one is Vanderhof?

- Right here.

Hello, Mr. Vanderhof. Remember me?

Twitch-face.

Yes, I heard that you were in trouble

and came over to see if I could help you out.

Why should you want to help me?

To tell you the truth,

I thought that if I did you a favor...

You're wasting your time,

Mr. Twitch, Mr. Blakely.

- I have no intention of selling my home.

- We'll see how long you can hold out.

Wait till a few more things happen to you.

- So you arranged this arrest?

- Yes, and it's just a starter.

By the time I get through,

you'll be willing and glad to sell.

So you did this?

Why, Mr. Kirby.

You blockhead.

Do you know what you've done?

But, Mr. Kirby, I never dreamed

that you knew these people.

I told you the police were on their trail.

You told me to make them sell.

You blithering idiot, get out.

If you've got any sense left,

you'll dig up my attorneys.

- I've been here for hours.

- Yes, sir. I'll phone them all.

So, you're the one

that's been holding up my deal?

- Yes. Kind of funny, isn't it?

- What's funny about it?

The idea of you engineering this thing

and being caught in your own trap.

Maybe it won't be so funny

when I take that house away from you.

Now I begin to see what's been going on.

That's a fine trick, Mr. Vanderhof.

Using my son to get information,

and then making me pay through the nose.

- Wait...

- I won't pay for anything I don't want to.

- I'll show you business the Kirby way.

- Business?

You're not a businessman.

You're like a lion in the jungle.

I've got the longest

and the sharpest claws, too.

That's how I got on top,

and scum like this is still in the gutter.

You're an idiot, Mr. Kirby.

- What?

- A stupid idiot.

- You can't talk to me like that.

- Yes, I can.

Scum, are we?

What makes you think

you're such a superior human being?

Your money? If you do,

you're a dull-witted fool, Mr. Kirby.

And a poor one at that.

You're poorer than any of these people

that you call scum.

Because I'll guarantee

at least they've got some friends.

But you, with your jungle and long claws,

as you call them...

...you'll wind up your miserable existence

without anything you can call a friend.

You may be a high mogul to yourself,

Mr. Kirby, but to me you're a failure.

A failure as a man,

a failure as a human being...

...even a failure as a father.

When your time comes, I doubt

if a single tear will be shed over you.

The world will probably cry

"good riddance."

That's a nice prospect, Mr. Kirby.

I hope you'll enjoy it.

I hope you'll get some comfort out

of this coin you've been sweating over then.

I'm sorry, Mr. Kirby.

I haven't lost my temper like that

in 30-odd years.

Don't know what came over me.

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