You Don't Mess with the Zohan Page #5
- No.
Why don't you go after
the snatchacheem in this place!
They all want you, believe me.
Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure.
I'm telling you,
you're not picking up the signs.
Come with me.
I'll show you a technique. It's beautiful.
Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you!
You want the cut and color today!
Yes, please. Thanks.
Watch.
You see! She's going with it.
It's good.
Yep.
- She has a free shoulder. Come join.
- I'm good.
Mrs. Haynes,
you're getting cold here.
Claude, come. Keep her warm.
Go ahead. Yes.
And gently move.
Gently move the shoulder.
All you want to do is let her know
you're here for her.
Now look away
like you're not even doing it.
We're not doing this.
- Same rhythm.
- Okay.
Push. Push. Push.
Oh, you're pushing harder.
It's starting to feel good on my end.
I am trying to make money
to start my own business, huh.
Would you say you read Spiegel
once a month, twice...
Would you just get us
to the hair salon!
We're gonna miss our appointment.
I curse you, and I curse your hair.
What is big deal
about this hair place anyway!
Okay, we'll take them to the truck.
We'll just talk to them. But we'll find a...
Did you throw this shoe at me,
my friend!
No!
Sure looks like it was you.
Then who threw it!
Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood.
I'll let you off the hook.
Nobody spits on me.
Thank you for the goat, my friend.
Yes.
Goat!
Goat.
Goat!
Goat!
Goat.
I said, "Can we have the receipt!"
Yes. Die in hell.
Welcome.
We'll color your hair Bling-Bling
Blond. This is what you need.
You know what else they go for!
The... I don't know what you have,
but mine is the biggest.
This...
It does not get bigger than this.
It's enormous. Scary. I mean:
What!
I have the biggest. It's the biggest.
Take a look at this.
Look.
- It's not that big.
- It's not that...!
No, no, no. The bush.
The bush is the biggest.
And the girls like this
because it's cushion.
It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one.
So, what do you want I do!
Wait. I conference you.
Hello!
Nasi, emergency meeting.
You're on with Hamdi as well.
- Hello, Nasi.
- Hello, Hamdi.
Can you believe
how much they pay Delgado!
Yes. Why Mets do this!
This is serious. We meet!
I explain why is emergency.
This is not just man
who take my goat.
- Zohan Dvir.
- Yes.
Everyone think Phantom kill him.
Phantom not kill him.
We will capture,
then make trade with Israel.
We will be heroes.
But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. We
don't know for sure that this is him.
Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah.
Let them handle this.
- Leave it to the pros.
- No.
Hezbollah shmezbollah.
Hezbollah will take all the credit.
This is our shot.
Why not let Phantom capture him!
Screw Phantom. He hero already.
Where's my chain
of muchentuchen restaurants!
Salim, don't make this
about yourself.
This is about me.
And about him.
And about my goat!
Come on, let's go!
This is nice,
the walking inside the outside.
The park, the people,
the horses, the kid.
Well, you're always downtown.
You should see
a little more of New York.
Yes, yes, this is good.
The talking is good...
...to get to know each other
before the bang-boom. I like.
Oh, no, no, no.
There will be no bang-booming.
for saving my business.
- This isn't a date.
- No, no, no.
I feel you have helped me so much...
is to tap you so hard...
...my schtitzel will come out
your poopech. That's what I think.
Look, why don't we
just enjoy the park!
No, no, no. This is what we do.
Hey, look, softball.
- You like softball!
- Of course, I love softball.
What is softball! Teach me how to.
I learned softball
when I came to the States.
When you're Arab, it helps to fit in.
Yeah, how long you move here ago!
Just a few years ago.
I couldn't take it there anymore.
All the hate, on both sides.
Yes, especially yours.
Why you say this! You don't know.
No, no, I don't. I read this.
The Australian-Tibet media
is very biased.
Look, both sides crazy.
My own family...
My brother...
...if he knew I work cross street
from Israelis, he would lose it.
- Really!
- You have the hardcores on both sides.
They just want to fight and fight.
Nobody will win this way.
It has to stop.
When will it end, eh! Yes.
Okay, so you must be thirsty, no!
Here.
Where you get this!
This! From specialty shop
on West Side.
You know this! Fizzy Bubblech!
No, no, no. It looks pretty good.
Oh, try, try. It's very good.
Try, have a sip.
It's not for me.
No! Really!
This is his shop.
Here is photo for compare.
For how long this take!
I close the newsstand.
Make sure you ask him
if he ever hit by shoe.
that can fetch a bowl of onion soup.
Look in his eyes when you
ask him this, for they will be suffering.
- You know, I just got haircut.
- Go.
Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefner
with all you little bunnies around here.
Okay, okay,
let's see who is going next.
"Jorge Posada," where are you!
That's me.
Okay, good-looking guy,
you take a seat there. You're next.
You know, you look like
you already just got haircut.
No, no.
So I guessing you're looking for
something in the silky smooth area!
- Well...
- Because I see you have nice curls.
You don't want to
cut into those curls.
We will talk about this over there.
Okay, Scrappy, I wait.
Is not like I have a shoe to throw.
Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever.
I don't have time to go watch
a goat fetch soap.
- What!
- What! I don't know.
Listen, my friend...
...you want to talk, it's good,
but you have to wait your turn.
First I have to cut and bang
Mrs. Greenhouse.
- That's right.
- Okay.
Well, I'm ready for it.
Oh, dear.
I am sorry, Mrs. Greenhouse.
I am not man enough for you today.
Oh, Scrappy, it's fine.
I don't know what the problem is.
I am going to lose business.
Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable.
The screwing
was really just a bonus.
You are an angel, Mrs. Greenhouse.
Oh, Scrappy!
No, that could work.
One more, please.
Let's see what we got.
And we're still nothing.
Well!
He was very cool.
Idiot. What did he say!
He think I have nice curls
that go well with a full face.
- But was it him!
- Well, it looked like him.
But hard to know.
I tell you this:
he didn't seem to carewhen I talk about goat fetching soap.
Soup. The goat fetched soup.
You ruin everything.
Soup! This makes no sense.
Screw you. It's him. I know it's him.
The goat fetched soup!
This is unbelievable.
Go to hell.
You said it was urgent!
It's an emergency.
Please, take a look.
Yes, yes.
Well, that's not a real problem.
No, not the bush.
No, inside the bush.
Look deeper. Him.
- I see.
- He lays in there all day long.
Maybe it needs some more oxygen.
2 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"You Don't Mess with the Zohan" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/you_don't_mess_with_the_zohan_23859>.
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