You Don't Mess with the Zohan Page #9
As long as he was happy.
Is good. Very happy.
Holy shichumetz.
I see what is.
Those are cool. Who make this!
You see this! Bastard landlord.
He tell us go to Hacky Sack...
...so he can make it look like
we burn each other's store.
To make us look like we enemies.
This the real enemy.
was going down.
Oh, we're waiting on them, sir.
We're drawing them closer,
like a fat queer to a dick sandwich.
Aharon, get weapons from truck.
No, no, no.
I wanna minimize collateral damage.
- I do this alone.
- I do this alone.
- We do this together.
- I go myself.
No, no, no. Listen.
Come on, already, big guy.
Let it go.
We're on the same side, here.
Don't "big guy" me, big guy.
Look, you think I didn't want
to run like you did!
- Is no pressure here.
- What!
Listen, all I ever wanted since high
school was to go to States and...
- What!
- This hard to say.
Tell me, what is!
And sell shoes.
I love shoes.
No. That's great. I love to cut hair.
There is nothing wrong with that.
- Tell my parents.
- I hear you.
- They don't understand.
- Parents, they never do, huh!
- Never do. They think they're clever...
- You guys going, or what!
- Yes. Okay, we go.
- Yes. We go.
Come on, let's go.
Soup's on, boys.
Hell, yeah!
What kind of shoes you like!
You know, Rockport, Ferragamo,
the classics.
Hugo Boss, huh!
No, no, no.
You stylist,
you buy some style shoes.
Oh, yes, but I'm looking
for function too.
Try mine. It's Kenneth Cole.
Square toe.
It is nice.
This is a fashion
but you can wear to work also.
Yes. Hey, to be honest,
it's a little tight.
- Let me measure.
- If you could.
I'm ready for you.
Okay, checking the width.
Triple E.
This is a big foot, huh!
You win again.
Is not a competition.
I do need to cut my nails.
We don't know
what set off this fight.
It's apparently between
Middle-Eastern merchants.
- Let's get some insight.
- They is no Middle East. Is all fake.
Is the landlord, the Walbridge guy.
He pay...
Excuse me.
Grant Walbridge, the developer?
Damn it!
Mariah Carey, I love you. I love you.
I find you, Mariah.
I come to where you are.
I love you too, horny little man.
Buy my new album.
Zohan. He has a bomb.
- And puppies.
- No.
I'm gonna blow up this block.
I'm gonna blow you up,
I'm gonna blow up these puppies...
...and we all going to hell together,
because I hate these puppies.
We have no time. We have to make
the sonic power, quick.
- You mean the sound!
- Yes.
But Arab and Jews have not made
sound for thousands of years.
- Now is time, my friend.
- Thirty seconds.
You can't do nothing about it,
Rabbi Towelhead.
No, no, no. Let me take the melody,
you go harmony.
- Yes. Okay, okay.
- Here we go.
Well, hello, stranger.
Care for some chips!
Puppies!
That dog is incredibly cute.
Did you bring that dog!
Barry Manilow
used to have a beagle...
Listen, I'm Grant Walbridge.
This is all a mistake and...
Keep it together. Keep it together.
No!
My life is ruined.
They were perfect.
The ratio.
Why!
No, no, no. Stop.
What the heck are you doing!
Why you do this!
Sorry. Sorry. I got excited.
Okay, we fix.
We make mall, but this...
It's fine. Yes, it's fine.
We'll be fine.
It's all b'seder.
Goat rides! Everybody, goat ride.
The most wonderful goat
in the world.
You come. Come, come. Come on.
Come on, now. Give ride.
I'm almost done.
- I love it.
- Yes, of course you do.
I had fun shampooing your hair...
...but I'd rather be licking it off
those melons.
I knew he had it in him.
Yeah, he sounds like his mother.
Maybe I'll bleach your nipples
and slap you in your face.
- Oh, now he's gone too far.
- That was disturbing. Too much.
Zohan!
Can you help this woman, please.
Of course, motek.
You know, if I was not married to you...
...this is the kind of bootachem
I would go all night long w...
Hello, Zohan.
So this is where you work!
Yes, Abba.
And this is your Palestinian wife!
Yes, Abba.
Does she know you're a fagala?
I see. This is because...
Congratulations.
Now, cut my hair.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I love it.
Please.
2 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"You Don't Mess with the Zohan" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/you_don't_mess_with_the_zohan_23859>.
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