Your Sister's Sister

1

- You guys...

how long were you dating?

- About a year.

- And you met in college, right?

- Mm-hmm, yeah.

It was about

seven years ago.

But I'm more... I'm friends

with Jack, you know.

(people chattering)

- He used to take a frying pan

and just put cheese in it.

And he'd roll it up.

- Is this true?

- It's absolutely true.

You've said that before.

- It's absolutely true.

- He'd call it... he's like,

"Oh, I made my cheese log."

- I needed a wheelchair.

So one night, we went

to an emergency room entrance,

and we stole a wheelchair

and took it out back.

And he was pushing me

down the hill.

- Tom did that?

- Yeah, it was... he knew

that I needed a wheelchair.

- He used to have one of those,

uh, those Sunfishes,

you know, the boats

that have the one...

- The one sail?

- The one sail.

Yeah, yeah, free version.

He would go out,

and he would be gone

for, like, six or seven hours.

And we'd be, like,

really worried,

because we couldn't see him

from the shore.

- What was that band called?

- It was a band called Bigfoot.

- No, it was...

(all talking at once)

- 'Cause he was

a marine biologist.

He liked big fish.

- Well, yes, but the thing is,

there was a name

attached to the wheelchair.

So it was for someone.

- Yeah, we've been friends

for a long time.

- Yeah.

- Mark was one of these guys who

would, like, walk into a room.

You know, like we could be

at a party.

You could have the one person

in the room,

playing you, for example.

Like, no one was talking.

(all chattering)

- No, but there's something

to be said for just somebody

who just makes people

feel comfortable.

- He did.

He did.

(people chattering)

- We were just walking down

the street.

(all chattering and laughing)

(glass clinking)

- Yeah, yeah.

Thank you.

- You got it.

- Trying make this, like,

a respectable event.

Uh, I...

uh, it's been a year.

And, uh,

I thought it was

really important

that we do this for Tom.

It's so hard to eulogize someone

who you look up to, you know,

'cause Tom was amazing.

He was the best f***ing guy.

I mean, he was a better friend

to all of us

than we were to him.

I mean, at least,

that's how I feel.

I just think back.

We were roommates at UW.

And, like, I remember, like,

at one point,

Sara came to visit me.

And he moved all of his stuff

into the common room

to sleep there.

No, and he really...

and I was like,

"It smells bad."

And he was like, "No"...

He was like, "No, no, no.

I'm gonna do it

so you can have sex."

And I was like,

"We're not having sex."

I would... and he was like,

"But I'm optimistic, you know."

And so I...

and he was just so generous,

you know.

He was just...

he was the best.

And I was just thinking today,

I mean,

I saw Hotel Rwanda came on TV.

And he... he and I saw it

together in the theater.

And the day after it came out,

he started donating time at

the shelter in downtown Seattle.

That's what he was like.

You'd sit there

thinking about it,

and he would do it.

And just cheers... you know,

I just want to say "cheers"

to that.

ALL:
Cheers.

- To Tom.

- To Tom.

- Cheers.

- Tom and I were big

into movies,

you know, growing up.

Actually, Tom and I, like,

had a seminal

movie experience together

not dissimilar

from Hotel Rwanda,

except it was with

Revenge of the Nerds.

(all chuckle)

And it was fascinating.

It sort of...

it changed him,

um, 'cause Tom

was not like you know him

when he was younger.

Tom was...

he was the bully,

I found out, like, when I went

to pick him up from school.

And, um, he was

quite emotionally

and physically manipulative.

And when I watched him watching

Revenge of the Nerds,

just something clicked in him,

which was, he was learning

that, like,

the bullies and the a**holes

end up last,

and the nerds

and the nice guys win.

And his little brain

started clocking away

and going "Oh, f***."

"If I'm gonna gain favor

in this world,"

"I'm gonna be nice."

"I'm gonna be altruistic."

"I'm gonna watch Hotel Rwanda

and volunteer at a shelter,"

"'cause girls will like that."

"I will get laid."

"I'll get better job."

"I'll succeed forward

in the life"...

- I don't think

that's what it is.

- But the purist vers...

- I don't think that

that's accurate.

- Al?

Hey, Al?

I know you spent

some time with him

in the last couple of years,

but I... but he's my brother.

- I just think you're gonna hold

someone to something

that happened when they were

f***ing 14 years old

or whatever he was

when that happened.

- If we're gonna toast the man,

let's toast the man.

Let's not eulogize somebody like

a f***ing bullshit...

- Just the way you're saying

it is just like he's a dick.

And it's like, he wasn't a dick.

He was amazing.

- You're calling my brother

a dick?

I'm not calling my brother

a dick.

- Jack!

- I'm just saying,

let's not do what everybody does

at a funeral

or a commemoratory ceremony

where we just say,

"Uh, they were amazing,

and they were generous,"

'cause that's f***ing bullshit.

And it's a dishonor to the man.

- So cheers.

- No, I think

I'm gonna finish, Al,

'cause I'm his brother.

If we're gonna raise our glass,

I want to raise our glass

to the man.

You know half of the man,

and I know the whole man, okay?

Who was f***ing beautiful.

He knew how to make himself work

and weave in the world.

And I think

that's f***ing great.

And I would never call him

a dick for that,

so f*** you

for saying that.

But let's raise a glass

to the whole man.

Cheers.

Thank you.

(quietly)

Cheers.

So, anyway, I was...

we should say something.

But does anyone

want another drink?

Or, uh...

(groans)

Oh, boy.

(sighs loudly)

- How'd that go for you?

When you wrote it,

how did you see that

actually playing out for you?

(groans)

I will say this.

Some parties are forgettable.

(chuckles)

- You know what I mean?

But I got to say,

this party...

- Had great guacamole

and amazing public speaking.

- Great public speaking.

They'll remember it.

- You got to stop.

You know that, right?

- Oh, this is...

this is that moment...

- This is your intervention.

- Isn't it?

This is...

this is hard Iris.

- I miss you.

I miss my friend.

I know you're sad.

I'm sad too.

- Yeah.

You know what I always

think about?

I think about, like, you're...

that must have been so hard

for you to leave Tom.

That f***ing guy loved you.

Man.

You are so...

but you were right,

and you were so brave,

and you were so right.

- It wasn't right with us.

- No, it wasn't right

with you guys.

But that's okay.

Can I tell you something?

I turned down the Trinity job.

- Why?

- I don't want to go to Trinity

and show them who I am

right now,

because they'll never

hire me again.

And so that almost means,

like,

I don't want to go another party

and show them

who I am right now.

And I don't want to go to a girl

and show her who I am

right now...

- You're a mess.

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