Your Sister's Sister Page #5

That sounds good.

- Did she tell you about

the Pam thing last night?

- What's that?

- Did she tell you about Pam?

- We touched on it.

- How's this?

- It's okay.

- Can you not talk about me

when I'm in the same area?

- I'm just saying,

I think I'm a little upset

that this guy is, like,

all clued up on your breakup

and I don't know anything.

- Here's the deal.

New rule.

No talking behind anybody's

backs in this house, all right?

- All right.

- Um, we don't do that.

- Okay.

- Yeah, good.

- Okay, I know you don't want

to talk about it anymore.

That's fine.

- Yeah.

- That's totally fine.

- Let's just move on.

- All right.

- Sounds good to me.

This place is incredible.

- Mm-hmm.

- I know you said at some point

it was renovated, but...

- You don't understand

how beautiful this place was.

- You don't understand.

It was...

- I mean, it was insane.

- It was beautiful.

- It was just so pure

and gorgeous,

and then Marilyn came in

and just eradicated

any memory of us.

And, so the house, yes,

is very beautiful...

- Without the stink of us.

- Yeah.

- But Marilyn's only got

a couple more years left.

- It's two and a half, three.

- Two and a half,

three more years.

- Yeah, I think so.

- What, are you...

I'm sorry, what?

Three to go?

- The ten-year itch.

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, he was with her mum

for ten years,

had an affair with my mum,

who was his secretary.

- Got your mom Lenora pregnant.

- Yes.

- Married her.

- Moved to London.

- Moved to London.

- Got bored of Lenora,

and then he moved on.

And then he kind of philandered

around for, like, seven years.

- He went through

his crazy Warren Beatty phase.

The funny thing, though,

about those years,

when he was so bad

with the ladies,

he was so good with us,

because that was...

- He wasn't.

- No, but that was, like,

six summers

that it was just

the three of us here.

- I know, but you were okay

with that.

I had no respect for that.

He just went... he dodged

from one to the other,

and it was gross.

- That's so crazy.

So he would just, like,

date all these women,

Like, for short periods

of time

with not a lot

of emotional investment?

- Yeah, it was horrible.

- And they were very similar,

and then he would just move on?

- Yeah.

- God, that's just weird.

Who does that?

Oh!

And the patterns emerge!

- What are you doing?

- I'm sorry.

Skinny Jeans George,

Skinny Jeans Harry,

Skinny Jeans Vinnie.

Vinnie lasted

for at least two weeks.

He was one of the longer ones.

- I don't like dating.

You know that.

I don't like dating.

I don't like the...

I don't like it.

I get bored.

I don't like it.

- Do you know how

the Iris dating scheme

works these days?

(laughs)

No, you don't.

- Okay, this is basically

how it works,

I mean, in a nutshell.

So they come in

with the skinny jeans

that... yes, skinnier than these,

by the way.

Then we've got

the rocker stud belt,

the Converse, no socks,

tongue open, no shoelaces,

the swoopy haircut.

- Which you have right now,

by the way.

- Well, I have it

'cause I have hair problems.

These guys are young enough.

They should not be swooping.

It starts out

usually on a Friday,

'cause she met him

at a coffee shop.

Saturday night, we go to either

Fleet Foxes or Band of Horses...

- I like Fleet Foxes.

- Or some sort of

Light in The Attic show.

And then she takes them

to the greasy spoon breakfast

the next morning.

She's like, "I'm such

the greasy spoon girl,"

and then they get

very, very excited about her.

And the next weekend they call,

and she does coffee.

And then it's done.

- And why are you

almost defending them?

You hate all of the guys

that I've been out with.

You've hated all of them.

- Well, the problem is...

- I get very bored.

You know that.

- You have great taste in life,

and you have

terrible taste in men.

- You have terrible taste

in clothes.

- Of course I do.

I never said...

- Those denim shorts are

a horror show.

- Don't... don't talk about

the jean shorts.

Don't, don't.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

- The fact that

you've somehow managed

to get the inner seam higher

than the outer seam

is so creepy.

- God is in the details.

I'm sorry.

- I never want to see

those things again.

- Remember the guy who asked you

to cut your bush?

Remember?

The guy that you

were hooking up with

that told you to trim

your bush and...

- Okay, we're good.

- No, no, no.

She came home in tears,

because she was hooking up

with this guy.

Remember that guy?

And she had a little poof

in her underwear.

- Okay, you know...

- And she's like, "I didn't know

I'm supposed to trim my bush."

(both laughing)

- I was so embarrassed.

- And I was, like,

the bad older sister

'cause I didn't tell her.

- What the f*** are you doing?

I didn't.

It was...

(laughing)

- Anyway, that's the only

boyfriend story I remember.

- You suck.

That is so wrong, by the way.

- What?

- That's very wrong.

- These are the guys...

- Okay, we're good,

we're good, we're good.

We're done.

We're done.

Okay?

- Okay, we're done.

I'm just gonna eat another vat

of mashed potatoes.

- How are you liking

those mashed potatoes?

- They're outrageous.

- Yeah?

They taste good?

- Mm-hmm.

- How vegan do they taste

to you?

Come on.

I put a dollop of butter in.

That was it.

Don't rinse out.

Come on.

You've been plowing through

those things.

Do you know why

they tasted good?

Because they have dairy in them.

That's why.

- Why would you do that?

- Because I felt like it.

- That's five pounds of fear

right there that I just ate.

- It was meant to be a joke

just 'cause...

to see if you liked it.

- It was meant to be a joke.

- I mean,

it's just so not cool.

- Okay, okay.

You're right.

It's not cool.

Are you allergic to butter,

though?

- No, I'm emotionally allergic

to butter.

- I'm sorry.

It was just a little bit.

It was just a tablespoon.

I like butter

in my mashed potato,

and that was all it was.

- All right.

- Don't, Hannah.

- That was delicious

and inhumane and...

I'll see you guys

in the morning.

- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- I love you,

but I don't like you.

- All right.

- Thank you, Jack.

- Good night, Hannah.

(birds calling)

- Hannah?

- Hmm?

- Hello.

(giggles)

- I'm sleeping.

- I know.

I can't sleep.

It's because I'm so excited

that you're here.

- Well, try.

- What?

- Try.

- I can't.

(sighs)

- Do you want to talk?

- Mm-mm.

(laughs)

- Go to bed.

- I can't.

- Well, sleep here, but, shh.

- Okay.

Can I just have one question?

- Hmm?

- Do you like Jack?

- Yeah, he's all right.

- Hmm?

- I said he's all right.

- What do you think of him?

- I don't know.

I just met him.

- Yeah, but, you know,

you're very good

at working people out.

- I don't know.

He seems like a nice guy.

- Mm-hmm.

- He's a good cook.

A**hole.

- Sorry about the potato.

I hate that bush story.

- I'm sorry about that.

- I, like, hate it so much.

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