Love the Coopers

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[BELLS JINGLING]

[WHITE WINTER HYMNAL PLAYING]

NARRATOR:
Ah, the holidays.

The most wonderful time of the year.

And so, begins my tale.

On the snowy morning

of Christmas Eve,

as Charlotte Cooper

set out her 37th snow globe,

trying to create

the perfect Christmas for her family,

she remembered a moment,

she'd hoped she could hold on to forever.

Meanwhile, her husband, Sam Cooper,

who I can read pretty well,

was recalling the moment

just after that moment...

trying to remember

if he knew he was happy,

at the same time,

the happiness was going on.

And their beloved dog, Rags,

remembered how good it felt to be

a Christmas present.

And all over town,

the Cooper clan, and then some,

were starting their morning too.

Who are all these people?

Well, that's the story.

I can't just give it away.

But for now,

they're heading into their holiday,

searching for comfort

and a little more joy.

That's fine.

That's fine.

All right.

Make gingerbread houses.

Can you just have them at

my front door at 9:00 am?

Yeah, but it's Christmas morning.

What if they want to sleep in?

What kid sleeps in

on Christmas morning?

I don't know.

Why do you have

to change things?

God forbid, I wanna spend

another 15 minutes with my kids.

Why do you have

to be such a dick?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Merry Christmas.

Season's greetings.

Merry Christmas.

CHARLOTTE:
We hope to

see you tonight, Angie.

Hey, Charlie,

Merry Christmas. Shh!

Don't take that personally.

Take it as a group,

he hates everybody.

Hi, Grandma.

Hi, Grandpa.

Merry Christmas, Bo.

Bo! Merry Christmas.

Charlie, please don't

ditch your brother at the mall.

Thank you for taking Madison today.

I really appreciate it.

I can't be late for work.

But it's Christmas eve, Hank.

Come on.

Yeah, I know.

Job's a job, right?

[SNORTS]

Um...

Madison's been doing

this weird thing.

And I made the mistake

of laughing at it the first time.

So, now she does it

all the time.

Do me a favor.

When she does it, don't laugh.

And then, hopefully,

she'll just stop doing it on her own.

Sure. Of course.

What is it?

Hi!

SAM:
Hi, Madison.

There she is.

Grandma and Grandpa are here,

they're going to take you for the day.

Can you say, "Hi"?

You're such a dick.

Dad, don't.

Stop it.

Okay, let's go.

NARRATOR:
As Ruby served

her 19th Holiday Special,

she remembered serving

Christmas dinner to her brothers.

While her mother,

six eggnogs to the wind,

was passed out on the couch.

Although her childhood had

left her feeling separate from the world,

Ruby felt an unexpected

connection to Bucky Newport.

For the last five years,

she looked forward to

starting her mornings with him.

She loved how he wore

a suit and bow tie, every day,

just like did

when he was a teacher.

Always straightening it

and only making it worse.

Good morning.

I'm furious with you.

What'd I do?

That ending shattered me.

Well, it's supposed to.

That's what makes it one of

the most significant endings

in the history of film.

But Chaplin's face...

BUCKY:

Full of hope and fear

and shame and embarrassment

and God knows what else.

But the genius was that it's his

subconscious autobiography.

He had fallen in love

with several

young women over the years

and he was their mentor.

But he was endlessly

terrified that

they're going see him

as he saw himself.

Which is nothing but a busker,

in the streets of London.

It's amazing.

NARRATOR:
Bucky looked away

from Ruby because,

oddly, he felt closer to her

than anyone in his life.

He understood the absurdity

of the situation.

He had shown her 67 movies.

Ate at her diner, daily.

And hated the food there.

You want the special?

Uh...

What day is today?

Friday.

Friday?

It's not so special.

How about Wednesday's?

Or Thursday's hash browns?

Sold.

CUSTOMER:
Hey, Ruby.

The Coffee's cold.

You'll be fine.

Sit down.

Spending Christmas

with the family?

NARRATOR:
Ruby recalled the joys

of gift giving.

Nope.

[CHUCKLES]

Believe me, I understand.

Christmas comes around,

somebody yells,

"Time for comfort and joy,

it's Christmas."

Everybody panics as if

you can schedule happiness.

Can't do it.

You going to your daughter's?

Oh, yes.

She's a very good cook.

I don't know where

she got it from, because

when their mother died,

the only thing I could teach her was

how to order out.

I don't know what it is.

Everything is a contest with my girls.

Except I have no idea

what the prize is.

I try to ease the tension,

but they don't really hear me.

CUSTOMER:
Hey, Ruby,

my coffee's still cold.

Why don't you come over

here and warm me up?

Sorry, I got to go.

Clearly, an emergency.

[SIGHS] I just don't feel like

spending any money on her.

She never spends a dime on me.

My own sister. Oh!

You know what she'll do.

She'll make a donation in my name.

Oh, that's really festive.

And they never say

how big a donation,

so there's no way of knowing

how much I'm supposed to spend.

I am tempted to get

the rattiest thing I can find,

just to see

my sister Charlotte's face.

[GASPS] Hold on.

I'll call you back.

[LITTLE DRUMMER BOY PLAYING]

[COUGHING]

[CHOKING AND COUGHING]

NARRATOR:

When Emma was a little girl,

she overheard her parents say

that her sister, Charlotte, was planned,

but that she was an accident.

She faithfully behaved

like one, ever since.

Ma'am, ma'am,

we need to detain you.

Give it to me.

Come on. Let's just make

life easier on everybody.

Spit it out.

Spit it out.

Give it to me.

[SINGING END OF JOY TO THE WORLD]

[BELL DINGING]

Merry Christmas.

Thank you so much.

Thank you. Best ever.

Thank you.

Our last number

is one of my aunt's favorites.

So, this is for you.

Aunt Fishy.

Rags! Get down, Rags.

Okay, then.

Ready, Mrs. Pinkins?

Hit it.

Joy to the world

The Lord has come

Let earth...

That's not the right lyric.

I'm sorry, Mitzi,

but I think it is.

From the top, please.

I'm not going to play to the wrong lyric.

[PLAYS DISCORDANT NOTE]

MAN:
Don't play it, Mitzi.

Mitzi's right.

It's not the right lyric.

Of course it's the lyric.

Joy to the world,

the Lord has come.

No, it's not the Lord has come,

like God reached orgasm. Please...

[PLAYS DISCORDANT CHORD]

What?

[STUTTERING]

Mitzi!

Well, so, Merry Christmas,

everyone.

I think that ends

our little program.

SAM:
Thank you so much.

You've been a wonderful audience.

We will be back next year.

[CHUCKLING]

But will they?

Yeah, you don't have to worry about

that after tonight, that's for sure.

You don't have to say it

like you're never

going to see me again,

Charlotte. I'm not dying.

No. But we are.

Hey, Tinkerbell.

NARRATOR:
Aware of the growing distance

between her parents,

Eleanor Cooper found herself

drawn to public displays of affection.

She remembered a time in her life

she had not been so guarded.

[GIGGLING]

This is quite fun.

If you show me yours,

I'll show you mine.

Okay?

[CHUCKUNG]

Oh.

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