101 Dalmatians Page #4

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[Clears throat] I suppose

we'd better investigate.

I'll send word

for ol' Towser to stand by.

[Barking]

Please... stand... by.

- What's he mean by that?

- I don't know.

Oh... maybe the ol' boy's

found something!

Oh, I do hope so.

They say the ol' place is haunted

or bewitched or some such fiddle-faddle.

Fiddle-faddle and rot, sir.

[Colonel] Just the same,

use extreme caution.

No telling what sort of

hocus pocus you might run into.

[Gulps]

Blast it all, Tibs. On the double, man.

- On the double.

- Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

Psst!

- [Whispering] Rover. Spotty.

- Hmm. What?

Are you one

of the 15 stolen puppies?

No, we're not stolen.

We're bought and paid for.

There's 99 of us all together.

Ninety-nine!

How 'bout that bunch of little ones?

They have names and collars.

They're not from the pet shops.

- Fifteen of 'em.

- We never counted them.

They're over there by the TV.

- I'd better count 'em.

- Watch out for the baduns.

Baduns?

[Puppy] Those two blokes,

Horace and Jasper.

They're mean ones, they are.

Hey, look, Horace!

Watch me pot His Lordship

smack on the conk.

[Laughs]

How's that for calling 'em, eh?

[Whispering] One... two...

- three, four, five, six...

- Hey, Jasper.

Come on, now, give us a swig,

just a short one.

Now, Horace, this hogwash ain't fit

for a fancy bloke like yourself.

Besides, you'd get crumbs

in it, you cabbage head!

All right.

Guzzle the whole works. I hope

it gives you collywobbles, that's what.

Hey, Jasper. Did you...

Let me see. Six, seven, eight,

nine, ten, eleven...

Hey, get down, you runt!

And stay down!

[Yipping]

Go on, get out of here...

...or I'll black your other peeper.

Where was I? Nine...

Nine... three more.

Twelve and... one, two, three.

That's fifteen!

They're the ones!

[Screeching]

[Sputters] Blimey!

- [Barking]

- What the...?

Horace, look what we got! A tabby cat!

[Chuckling]

How'd you like a tabby cat stew?

Or a cat casserole?

A la mode!

[Chiming]

[Dog barking]

[Second dog barking]

- What is it, Pongo? What is it?

- Shh. It's the Great Dane.

He has news for us.

He'll meet us at Primrose Hill.

- How'll we get out?

- Uh, the back bedroom window.

It's always open a wee bit. C'mon.

- [Deep bark]

- [Barking]

Pongos, you've made it. Good.

- What's the word? What's the news?

- Have they found our puppies?

They've been located

somewhere north of here...

...in Suffolk.

- Oh, thank heaven.

- Can you leave tonight?

- We can leave right away.

I'll go along as far as Camden

Road and give you instructions.

[Foghorn blows]

[Great Dane] When you reach

Wither marsh, contact old Towser.

He'll direct you to the Colonel

and the Colonel will take you

to your puppies at the De Vil place.

- De Vil!

- The De Vil place!

Oh, Pongo, it was her!

Oh, someone you know?

Sorry, sir.

There's no time to explain.

Oh, I hope we're not too late.

Good luck, Pongos. [echoing]

If you lose your way,

contact the barking chain.

They'll be standing by!

[Horn honking]

[Wind howling]

Any news, Colonel?

Not a blasted thing.

They're lost or captured,

or something or other.

- Who knows what.

- Colonel, here comes a car.

[Colonel] Come now, Tibs.

Don't be ridiculous.

- They wouldn't be driving.

- Yes, I know, sir.

But it's heading for Hell Hall.

[Gasping] it...

It's stopping at the gate!

It is? Blast it all!

Better see what's up.

- On the double, man. On the double!

- Yes, sir.

Take over, Captain.

Right-o, sir.

[Man on TV] I'm sorry,

Mr. Simpkins. The answer's no, no, no.

Six down, four to go.

I've got no time to argue.

It's got to be done tonight.

It must be a yes

or no question, Inspector.

Do you understand? Tonight!

[Horace] But they ain't big enough.

You couldn't get half a dozen

coats out of the whole caboodle.

Coats! Dog-skin coats?

Then we'll settle for half

a dozen! We can't wait.

The police are everywhere.

I want the job done tonight!

How're we gonna do it?

Any way you like.

Poison them, drown them.

Bash them in the head.

You got any chloroform?

- Not a drop.

- And no ether, ei-ther.

Eye-ther!

I don't care how you kill the little

beasts, but do it... and do it now!

[Jasper] Aw, please, miss. Have pity.

Can't we see the rest

of the show first?

[Horace] We want to see

"What's My Crime?"

[Gasping, coughing]

Listen, you idiots!

I'll be back in the morning.

The job better be done...

or I'll... I'll call the police!

Do you understand?

I think she means it.

Ah... We'll get on with it...

...as soon as the show's over.

Will you please sign in, sir?

[Whispering] You'd better get out

of here if you want to save your skins.

- But how?

- Shh.

There's a hole in the wall

there by the door.

C'mon, shake a leg.

Psst. Kids, follow me.

[Horace] Hey, Jasper, look! [chuckling]

It's old Meathead.

Yeah, what do you know...

old Meathead Fauncewater.

C'mon, don't crowd.

One at a time. One at a time!

For our last contestant,

meet Mr. Percival Fauncewater.

If the panel fails to guess

your unusual crime in ten questions,

you will receive two weeks

vacation at a seaside resort,

all expenses paid.

That is, after you've paid

your debt to society.

Who will take the first

question? Inspector?

Mr. Fauncewater, could your

crime be classified as larceny?

- A theft, burglary?

- Straighten out!

Form a queue, along the wall.

Snap it up, faster.

[Game show host] Mr. Fauncewater

is a burglar by trade,

but in this case,

his crime was not burglary.

The answer's no. One down,

nine to go. Miss Birdwell?

If your crime wasn't robbery, did you,

uh... oh, dear, what I mean is,

...do something of

a violent nature, that is...

Come, Miss Birdwell,

we're running short of time.

[Miss Birdwell] So sorry.

Did you do someone in?

[Game show host] No, Miss Birdwell,

I'm sorry. The answer is no.

Two down, eight to go.

- Mr. Simpkins?

- Psst.

Hey, kid, let's go.

[Mr. Simpkins] Could it be

a violation of a city ordinance?

Uh, no. The answer is...

Hey, get out of the way,

you little runt!

[Game show host] Three down,

seven to go. Inspector?

[Inspector] Very confusing,

I must say.

- Surely, this crime could...

- [Buzzer rings]

I'm terribly sorry.

We've run out of time.

[Jasper] Ain't that always the way!

Would it be possible for Mr. Fauncewater

to come back next week?

Then we could finish our little game.

Goodnight, audience. See you

next week at this same time

on "What's My Crime?"

Ah, oh well.

C'mon, Horace. Let's get on with it.

I'll pop 'em on the head,

you do the skinnin'.

No you don't, Jasper!

I'll pop 'em off

and you do the skinnin'.

Horace, look!

They're gone. They flew the coop,

right out through this hole.

Here, grab a torch.

We'll run 'em down before

you can say "Bob's your uncle."

[Whimpering]

[Jasper] There they go, Horace,

up the stairs.

[Whistling]

Here puppies.

[Whistling]

Here, puppies! C'mon now.

Don't go hiding from ol' Uncle Jasper.

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