10 Rules for Sleeping Around

---

Cameron!

Hi.

-My boss is gonna kill me for leaving early.

What is your emergency?

I can't believe you brought me out in the rain.

Stop, i love a little summer rain.

I think it's romantic.

And what are you talking about?

I thought you quit the travel agency

to supervise your remodelling..

I did but Owen's out of control,

and now i'm working like a dog to pay for it.

And Cameron, i can't tell Ben.

What's the rush?

You know the market would turn around.

There's only one Hamptons.

Why am i here?

What is your emergency?

Okay..

Speaking of the old Hamptons getaway..

I need to borrow it.

Why?

I'm having a little open house myself.

But only one guy is coming.

Read.. His name is Hugh.

I mean she's my future baby mama.

I love me my Kate.

-It's not about love, how's your sex life?

It's..

It's fine.

-My point percisely.

You gotta spice it up.

-By banging other girls?

Slow down buddy,

you're not there yet.

Slow down.

Start by..

Asking Kate for a threesome.

Are you out of your mind?

Why not? You ever had one?

-No.

See, you know i know women.

You know this, but you gotta grow a pair

and ask her.

You know what?

I'm not even supposed to say this..

But Kate has asked Cameron about it.

No, that don't work me.

That is bull.

There are clear cut signs,

for when a woman wants to sleep around.

I know this, perfect hair, good panties,

night time make up in the morning..

Like you would know good panties.

I'm just saying, if the sex is already boring

and you're not even married yet..

Why not throw it out?

I couldn't handle a threesome.

I couldn't do it, honestly.

I'm just not well-verse enough

on threeway ettiquete.

I mean where to start..

What to put where,

who do you do first..

Am i paying too much attention,

not enough attention..

Who to thank..

The pressure.

You thank everybody.

I can't believe you're having an affair.

Not an affair.

A fling, a larc, a bump, bootycall.

Little bump and grind.

What about your husband?

It was Vince's idea.

You're having an open marriage?

How come you never told me this?

Over 50% of marriages fail because of infidelity.

So, right before we got married..

Vince came out with the 10 rules

to a healthy open relationship.

How many men have you been with?

That we would never end up divorce because of cheating.

-How many?

Men biologically have the need to spread their seeds..

How many men?

-Doesn't matter.

Do you think Hugh would like this?

It has no zippers or buttons.

He'll love it.

So, he made up 10 rules.

Yeah, 1.. Never go out with an ex.

-Right.

2.. No more than 3 dates with the same person.

3.. no pictures, video, or media yet to be invented

throughout the universe.

4.. Always an away game, never on home turf.

That includes friends and neighbor's beds.

It can be wrong.

-Yeah.

Number 5 AKA the no Marv Albert play by play..

No announcements, no intros,

no details..

You see each other in public,

you keep walking.

Hold it Cammie, this is way to Maxim.

And i don't even read Maxim.

What happened if you just woke up one morning, and you were like..

Time for some fresh dick.

Sorry.

Number 6, the neighborhood blackout rule.

Stay away from favorite restaurants,

clubs, hangouts.

7.. The group maxed no more than 5 at a time.

Time out, flag on the play.

What does it matter how many people if you're open about it?

More than 5 people becomes an orgy,

i have standard..

But as high as a limbo stick.

8.. No gifts, giving or receiving..

9.. The no sleeping with friends and family plan.

That includes second and third cousins.

God, that is so gross. Only you Vince, would need a rule like that.

The number 1..

On the Letterman's top 10,

this is important..

Never ever ever..

Ever say i love you.

Maybe you should consider separation.

Hell no.

How can i blame him for something i stupidly agree?

You don't have to,

that's what divorce lawyers are for.

You don't get it, girl.

I love him.

Right, but this makes stupid.

Like..

Stupid.

-Taxi!

Taxi!

Stay, stay, stay.

Please.

-Owen is at Loraine's in the Hamptons, so you'll be good.

Great.

Hey, can you keep this for me

til tomorrow?

I don't want Vince to see it.

-Sure.

I love you.

You and your summer rain.

You two should only be as lucky as us.

And you know why?

-Enlighten us.

It's because we're always completely honest

and open with each other.

And because we keep surprising each other..

This year for your birthday,

i'm taking you antiqing in Rhode Island.

No..

-What, no!

-Yes..

You're so sweet.

Quaint little B&B..

No television, no phone,

just you and me my dear, that's it.

I love you.

-I love you.

I have been asking him to do this forever.

No TV?

It's after the playoffs,

don't worry about it.

Hey guys, so what brings us to this two credit card dinner?

Who is the hottest children's author..

Since Harry Potter?

Emma Cooney.

-Boom, there you go.

-What?

Vince is going to be meeting with her on Friday.

-No..

To discuss the publishing of her new book..

Oh my god, why didn't you tell me?

Because you would have bought a new dress.

This one can shop more than a speedfreak on Ebay.

He's got that right, wait til Hugh sees her in that new dress.

You can really go from..

Sweet to shitty in one second.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom..

I will be right back.

No more working, and travels for you.

I am just gonna leave you two alone

for a minute.

ask her.

What's going on?

I have to ask you something.

Sure.

You know it's only taking me this long to propose to you because..

I don't want us to end up miserable like my folks,

because they constantly broke..

I can still hear my mom said..

No money comes in the door,

love flies out the window.

I love you.

-I keep telling you, it doesn't matter to me.

We'll do our house up, and we'll sell it..

And it'll be our little nest egg, you and i.

Thank god we pulled the plug on that fru fru decorator guy..

Otherwise our nest egg, will be a tree house.

That's besides the point, that's your money.

I don't want it.

I'm sorry that our sex life hasn't exactly been..

-Ben, don't worry. You know what?

We've both been really busy and you're focusing on the business, it's fine.

Right. No, wrong.

-Wrong.

Way wrong.

Okay, i've been thinking about something.

I don't even know how to say this.

I'm nervous.

-It's okay.

I think..

That the way to take our relationship

to the next level..

Yeah..

Is..

-It's okay.

I'm gonna say yes..

Well..

Will you have a threesome with me?

Well, you.. I can't wait to get you f*** me.

Because i have a surprise..

Probably Chlamydia..

Hurry up.

Really?

Really you'll have a threesome with me?

Definitely.

I've always wanted to know

what it would be like with..

Two guys.

The only question is, tomorrow morning do i text you

or do i nudge you.

What's up, cool breeze?

How did it go?

Awful, the worst possible way it could have gone..

Then you didn't sell it right.

I definitely sold it, she said yes.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes