10 Years

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Woman:

You want one with you in it?

Uh, no.

- I'm good.

- Okay.

J' Clouds so swift,

the rain's falling in J'

J' Gonna see a movie

called "Gunga Din" J'

J' Pack up your money,

pull up your tent, McGuinn J'

J' You ain't a-goin' nowhere I

J' Ooh-whee, ride me high I

J' Tomorrow's the day

that my bride's a-gonna come J'

J' Ooh-whee, we gonna fly I

J' Down into the easy chair... I

Bean dip. Ohh.

- I got you good.

- Jesus Christ.

That was such a good one.

Oh, my God.

- Ow.

- My God.

- Give me a minute.

- How was your flight?

It was fine. Come here.

How was yours?

- It was good.

- Good to see you.

It was good.

- Let's get your bag.

- Thanks.

Glad you made an effort.

What are you wearing?

I didn't know we were going

to a Bar Mitzvah.

It's a Bat Mitzvah.

Um, I'm actually, like...

I'm, like, a few hundred miles

away right now.

I jumped on a flight this morning

and I'm gonna be gone for the day.

But I'll be back tomorrow,

so don't worry about it.

God, dude.

28 shows in 30 days.

Have I missed one?

Have I missed one?

No, no. I'm not burned out.

I just have to-- I just needed

to come home for a sec.

Woman:

So this is the high school, huh?

It looks like a mental ward.

Hey, do you really--

do you like this car?

Yeah, I like the car.

Why?

I don't know. It's just-- that didn't

sound very convincing.

- Woman:
No, baby, I like the--

- 'Cause I loved my other car.

- What are you looking for?

- Do you have any gum?

- Wait-- wait a minute. I got--

- Oh.

- What do you-- gum? It's right here.

- Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Thanks for coming with me.

Well, I'm excited

to meet everybody.

Finally get some dirt on you.

- You want some?

- No. I really don't want that.

- Have it. Have it.

- That's really gross.

(woman laughs)

Woman on P.A.:

Boarding all rows for flight...

Hey, where-- where's Emily?

She had to work at the hospital

this weekend. She can't come.

What?

That frickin' sucks.

What, are you gonna cry about it?

I'm disappointed.

I'm not disappointed.

It's the two of us. It's gonna be great.

- No, I know--

- It's like old times.

Just you and me, ese.

Okay, "pawl"

Okay, "Cholo." What, are you cultivating

a new reunion personality?

People say "ese."

People say ese all the time.

Okay.

Yes, Jason.

Listen, man.

I gotta I gotta go.

- Oh, we just passed it--

- ( tires screech )

Aw-- l

(doorbell rings)

- Oh! Oh, my God.

- ( groaning )

- What's up, man?

- ( laughs )

Damn, you got fat, sucker.

I got fat? What, did you eat

one of your kids?

- I'm sexy. Hi, honey.

- What-- hi.

- How you doing?

- Good to see you again.

- Welcome home. Come in.

- Sure.

Man:
You guys.

(woman laughs)

Hey, look who's here.

- Hil

- Woman:
Hi!

Jake:

Samantha.

Jess:

It's so good to see you again.

- Oh, so good to see--

- t crying )

That is a cute sweater vest.

- They're in matching sweaters.

- Jake:
Just like his daddy.

- They're in matching sweaters.

- What up, Sammy?

I'm so happy to see you.

Too bad you didn't come

with a shotgun.

- I'm so happy you guys are here.

- I'd blow my brains out.

Come on. All right, all right.

Enough about the kid.

- Come check this out.

- Samantha:
Go say hi--

Hi, darling.

- Samantha:
Lilly, say hi to Aunt Jess.

Yeah, that's the other one.

It's cool.

You don't have to--

- Lilly, baby.

- It's all right.

She don't care, you don't care.

She's not gonna remember.

- ( Crying continues)

- Okay.

Okay, okay. Shh.

There he is.

- Is that you, buddy?

- Jake? Oh.

- Man, how are you? Good?

- Long time no see.

- Hi, I'm Jess.

- Scott.

Scott?

Nice to meet you.

- Suki.

- Suki, nice to meet you. Oh--

- you're the one that lives in Japan.

- Yes.

No.

Not from me, man.

I see you every day.

I got you on Google Alert.

- Oh, yeah?

- Is that weird?

- That's totally weird, dude.

- Is it weird?

Naw, it's not weird.

My mom's got me on Google Alert.

Oh, my God. We've been trying

to get out there for so long.

It just-- I don't know,

hasn't happened.

Aw, don't worry about it.

You got time.

- You got time. I'm not going anywhere.

- Is it amazing?

Jake:
Don't worry about it.

I don't come back, either,

and I live in driving distance.

- Ladies first.

- Thank you.

Jake:
Wait a minute.

Is that who I think it is out there?

Oh, my God.

Look who it is.

- Marty:
Aw, Jacob.

- What is going on?

- Hey, look who's here. Look who's here.

- Jake:
You're in trouble right here.

Dude, things must be going great, man.

You look fantastic.

Um, can Isay I can't complain

without sounding like I'm bragging?

- ( laughs )

- 'Cause I can't complain.

AJ:
How long did it take

you guys to drive in?

Oh, about an hour, hour and a half.

There was a little bit of traffic.

Marty:
Hour and a half.

That's not nearly enough.

You gotta get away

from here, Jake.

You gotta run away

and not look back.

You're better than that

is what I'm trying to say.

Cully, really?

What is in here?

- Nut up, bro.

- This is straight vodka.

No, there's a little bit

of soda in it.

You're gonna have so much fun

at Grandma and Grandpa's.

Yes, you are.

Mommy's gonna have

a night without you.

She loves you, but she needs to be

with some adults, doesn't she?

Hey, hey, guys.

We got an idea.

Is there any way we can sneak

some of this booze in?

Isn't there--

there's an open bar, right?

I know that.

It's the principle of the thing.

Yeah, we did it in high school

for like, every event.

Why would we not do it now?

'Cause we're too "mature"?

- We're adults?

- Exactly.

Hey, do you have any flasks?

'Cause I feel like we're each

gonna need one.

I can't find anything with a lid.

How you doing?

- Nothing.

- I'm sorry, you guys.

I got two kids and a wife who

doesn't let me drink in public anymore.

- Shocking.

- I made an exception for tonight,

which I'm beginning to think

was a mistake.

I found this, but I need something small

enough to fit down my pants comfortably.

Samantha:
Are you touching yourself

in front of my children?

Marty:

I'm not doing it sexually.

What's your kid got over there?

- Could we get a ride?

- It's good.

My mom dropped us off.

Wow, so ninth grade of you.

I actually haven't driven a car

since I moved to Tokyo.

Yeah, I don't own a car.

That's what happens

when you live in an actual city.

I live in New York City, Snooki.

- Great. Then you can drive.

- How does that make sense?

Hey, no, no, no, no.

Don't leave.

- ( Car starts )

- God damn it.

I thought we were

gonna go together.

Sam and I just gotta drop

the kids off with her morn.

It's only gonna be a minute.

They live like, two miles away.

Mom.

She's coming. Mommy's coming.

You're a big boy.

Hey, listen. You don't

have to pretend to like my kids.

So cute. No, man.

It's completely genuine.

- Come on, Bubba. I know.

- He's awesome.

I'm not saying I don't think

they're cool. They're super cool.

I love the sh*t out of 'em.

But it doesn't mean you have to.

You know what I mean?

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