12 Page #5

And there was an SS officer there

who had a beautiful Lithuanian wife.

Now, my dad was a scrawny man.

You see what I look like?

He was three times worse.

And did you inherit your dad's looks?

No, my mom's. Mom was no beauty,

either, but not like dad.

It made it that much easier

for my father to fall in love.

My father fell in love with that

beautiful Lithuanian woman.

And she fell in love with my father,

like a puppy.

Imagine what would've happened

if the Russians had lost.

The SS officer fled to Germany.

And she stayed with my dad.

Oh, God, wow!

They were both arrested

and sent to the camps in Siberia.

They were released in 1953,

found each other, and got married.

They moved to a little farm

near Vilnius...

...and began to crank out children.

Eleven of them.

By this time, of course, my dad had been

a pig and dumped my mom.

But I understand him.

For one thing...

...I saw her photograph.

I saw her photograph.

And for another...

...my mother was no angel, either.

Mother was no angel.

An amazing story.

If someone told me a story like that,

I wouldn't believe it.

But it happened to my dad.

Anything can happen.

Anything.

Stop, stop. I have doubts.

We all tend our gardens in our own way.

And we hold the shovel in our own.

Well... If you only knew.

I have an uncle.

He lives near Voronezh, he's a plumber.

Hands of gold!

He's generous and kind.

The whole city just loves him.

He likes to drink,

but he's not mean.

He doesn't drink too often.

In the center of town

there's a square.

They built this place there where

you can play machines for money.

"Brother," it's called. "Brother".

Uncle Kolya had never been a gambler.

But one payday, he got drunk.

And went there.

And, well, he lost.

He lost every cent.

He thinks:
"How can I go home now

to Liuba, to my wife, and say:

"Liuba, I lost everything, all the money".

How?"

It'd be easier to hang himself.

But some kind people told him:

"There's a place nearby

where you can borrow money".

So he goes there and they say:

"OK, we'll give you a loan,

but with high interest,

and not less than 50 thousand.

So if you want 50 thousand, you got it,

but if not, you can go to hell".

What could he do?

He takes the 50 thousand...

...and goes back to that

"Brother" place, damn it.

And he...

He loses it all.

The whole 50 thousand.

Now what could he do?

Now what was he going to do?

Middle of the day.

He goes to work, tells the boss:

"Give me 50 thousand".

"What, are you nuts?"

"Nuts, eh? Just you wait."

He goes home. Gets a shotgun, shells.

And goes back. By this time

the boss had run off some place.

He goes to the accounting office.

There are only women there.

He takes three of them hostage.

He becomes a terrorist.

He makes them put

a bucket outside with a note,

his demands -

all 57 thousand rubles,

a luxury apartment,

a job as chief engineer,

and a plane to anywhere on earth

he chooses.

Now, why did he ask for a job,

when he planned to fly off in a plane?

That's not important.

It's not important.

The women say:
"Uncle Kolya,

what are you doing? Look..."

But he just goes "oooo!"

He can't speak.

The women open the safe

and take out 800 rubles.

One goes to buy vodka,

a half case, ice cream.

And the police are there, snipers.

"He's a terrorist! Get him! Fire!"

But the police chief says:

"Stop! Absolutely not! Don't shoot!

I'll go myself!"

What a man!

And he goes in unarmed. What a man!

Uncle Kolya points the gun at him:

"I'll kill you".

And the chief says: "No you won't".

"Why not?"

"Because I'm the chief", says the chief.

Uncle Kolya drops the shotgun.

They sit around the case of vodka.

They have a drink.

And cry.

And there was no trial, no investigation.

I beg your pardon, but why exactly

did you tell us all that?

Why? He could have been sent to prison,

or shot. A terrorist!

But the police chief, what a man.

What a man! Nothing.

Uncle Kolya worked and paid off his debt.

I helped a bit.

The police chief moved up.

He became a businessman.

And "Brother" was burned down.

But by someone else,

not Uncle Kolya.

That's wonderful.

But what does all that have to do

with this case?

If... if...

I'm for kindness.

Your brains sure curdled fast, brother.

No, no.

I don't have cottage cheese up here!

A good man should be helped.

And a bad man should be...

I vote that the young Chechen

is not guilty.

Write it down. Thank you.

Well!

That's amazing!

What kind of justice is that?

Uncle Kolya the plumber

runs around drunk.

Uncle Lyosha the police chief

drinks vodka with him.

Uncle Vasya the city prosecutor

turns a blind eye.

And the criminal remains at large!

And meanwhile the entire

civilized world

has lived for centuries

according to the law.

A Russian man will

never live by the law.

- Why not?

- The law bores him.

The law is dead.

There's nothing personal about it.

And a Russian man without that

personal touch is an empty shell.

He won't steal or guard.

But that's awful!

Who said it was good?

Look at that horrible pipe.

It's obscene.

Total filth in the center of Moscow.

In a school,

where they teach children.

The builders forgot to run

a proper heating pipe,

and then the school was built.

They should cut off their limbs

and put them in prison.

By law.

But there are personal ties.

Human ones. Russian ones.

The school let them temporarily

hang that thing. Temporarily.

And it has a corrosive effect

on the minds of the children.

Maybe that's why they leave

their bras in the bathroom.

And nobody gets steamed up.

What's the law got to do with it?

Human relations.

Here! You'll love this.

Inventory number 72-17-99.

Young Eagle Pioneer Camp.

I wasn't even born then.

Do you see how it is?

And we still can't wake up

from the coma.

That's it. I missed my train.

The troupe left without me.

But I'm here. And I'm voting.

The young Chechen is not guilty.

Write it down. Period.

Sh*t...

What are you...? Aw, hell!

What did... See what you did?

- This is a circus?

- Actually, I'll join them! Write that, too!

Let's all join them!

- Wonderful...

- I also think the kid's not guilty!

And, incidentally,

I have reasonable doubts.

Can you explain why

if he killed and robbed

his adoptive father...

...he returned with the money

to the scene of the crime?

Yes, good point.

Atypical murderer wouldn't do that.

Listen, just listen.

OK, you're a respectable man,

a college dean.

How can you say that?

What does "typical murderer" mean?

Atypical one wouldn't go back,

but this one did,

because he's a stupid,

uneducated savage

who just jumped out of the tree.

You expect him to write novels?

You know perfectly well,

those animals have tiny little bird brains.

My dear sir...

...excuse me, but just who

are you calling a savage?

I'm also from the Caucasus,

for example.

So the poet Rustaveli was a savage?

The artist Pirosmani?

Directors like Paradzhanov?

- Who's a savage?

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