12 Dog Days of Christmas

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Hello, ma'am,

and happy holidays.

My name is Jack,

and I have

a cleaning product

that will change your life.

I'm really

just not interested.

Okay, well, let's take

this stain here for example.

Please, stop,

I'm not interested.

Okay, well, a quick spray,

and an even quicker wipe...

and voil, it's gone.

Wow... I'm impressed.

As is...

Oh, Bootsy.

As is Bootsy.

You really are something,

young man.

Next thing you know,

you're gonna tell me

that I can use it

to brush my teeth.

No, I wouldn't recommend that,

but let's say

little Bootsy here

has a whoopsie on the carpet--

Kid, how many times

have I told you

not to hustle your stuff

up here?

Sir, can I just finish

this transaction?

This beautiful lady

seems enthralled with

my fine cleaning products.

You don't get it,

do you?

You're not welcome here.

Sir, I am trying

to raise money

for Christmas presents

for orphans.

This is what happens

when the parents aren't around

to put a leash

on their kids.

You always have a story,

don't you?

But this time, it's true!

Ma'am, if we could just

please go across the street

to finish our transaction

over there, then maybe--

Forget it, kid--

get outta here.

Don't make me

call the cops.

Capisce?

Yeah, I got it!

(engine starts)

(door closes)

What do you think

you're doing, kid?

Giving you a reason

to call the cops!

Go on, dial 9-1-1.

Tell 'em old Jack is here

waiting for 'em.

They knome quite well.

(knocks on door)

Yes, Joanna?

Hey, Art, Jack is back.

Should I show him in?

Yes, show him in.

Jack is back.

Why am I not surprised?

Hello, Jack.

Well, now, see,

this is the part

where you're supposed to say,

"Hello, Officer Stephenson.

How are you?"

Well, I'll tell you

how I am, Jack.

I am very

disappointed in you.

Why are you always

so angry?

Check your fact file there.

You'll find a full list

of reasons.

We have been through this

over the years, haven't we, son?

I've been through it.

With you, it's just age.

What are you now, 75, 80?

(chuckles)

You know, I remember

when we first met.

What was it,

about five years ago?

Back then, you at least tried

to be nice to me.

And look how far

that got me.

Do you know

who you remind me of?

Here we go again

about my mother.

One of your first

probationers.

So much potential.

I've heard it before.

And how is your mother?

I don't know.

Still not keeping up

with you, huh?

Nope.

I must be a disappointment

to her too.

Well, you don't have to be

a disappointment to me, son.

Trespassing? Destruction

of private property?

Arson?

Come on,

what is that all about?

It was barely

a candle's flame, really.

I really thought

that we were turning

things around, Jack.

There is no "we",

just you behind that desk

and then me,

out here in the real world.

Sit down, son.

It says here 1 year

of intensive probation

and 120 hours

of community service.

Now, do you think

you can do that?

Afterschool, maybe

on weekends?

Whatever.

Well, since roadside clean-up

hasn't done much

to curb

your delinquent behavior,

I got something

else in mind.

You're gonna be

helping people this Christmas.

How about that?

So, Jackson, I'm Blair,

and I'm in charge of this place.

Oh, it's Jack.

My name's Jack.

Jack.

But your probation

placement report says

your name is Jackson.

Oh, yeah, birth names

can be outgrown, Blair.

Duly noted, Jack.

So follow me.

So... this is where

the action happens.

(dogs barking)

And this is Hillary.

Hi, I handle most

of the paperwork here.

That's my sister Ryan.

She takes care

of the pups.

And this is

our adorable crew.

Well, it'll be

wonderful working

with such beautiful ladies.

Our big mission here

is to clean up

and close up

before we all leave for

the Christmas holidays, okay?

Sounds like a plan.

Okay, so you're gonna be

mostly cleaning up.

Is that okay with you?

Oh, it's completely fine.

I have extensive experience

in cleaning products.

Even started my own brand.

Okay, so we're gonna

have you clean

one of the empty enclosures.

Ryan, do you mind

showing him how to do that?

If I must.

Well, she seems busy with

that rat creature-looking thing.

Maybe old Hillary

could show me around.

Her name's Petunia,

and she's a mixed breed,

not a rat creature.

(Hillary)

Okay, Jack, come with me.

See you around, "Cryan".

(door closes)

Jack, you know

dinner's at 6:
00.

Why are you always

so late?

I was working.

Working?

Is that what you call it?

Because I understood

that it was community service

for being in trouble again.

Thanks for informing

the whole table

about my life,

just in case

they didn't already know.

Come on, no need

to get smart, son.

I'm not your son, Lou,

and you're not my father.

Yeah, you've made

that clear, Jack.

It's your choice

being in and out

of fosters all the time.

Thanks for reminding me

of my sad life.

It really makes me

feel all warm inside.

Anyone want to make

Christmas cookies?

Finish your food, boys.

(Trevor)

We love you, Jack,

don't we, Ton?

Of course.

Thanks, guys.

Glad to know

there's some love in this house.

Jack, as much

as you disagree,

we're trying

to make your life

better by what we provide.

I'm just a grocery bill

to you guys.

Believe what you want,

but we're trying

to build a family here.

I can feel the overwhelming

presence of love.

You know,

you don't have to stay.

What does that mean?

I'll be coming

with you guys when

you move in a few months?

That's right, boys.

Old Lou and Josie

are moving to Arizona,

a more arid climate

for Josie's asthma.

I overheard you

talking out back

the other night,

so merry Christmas to all,

and to all, a good night.

(door closes)

Hey, going to

a little holiday

shindig near campus.

Lots of cute college boys,

and from what I hear,

mistletoe under every doorway.

You interested?

No thanks.

You know, you can't sit

in your room your entire life

reading post-feminist

chick lit.

I'm reading Stephen King.

Ugh, same thing.

Anyway, have a merry

little yawner at home.

(dog barking)

(Ryan)

This is Titus.

Definitely no big barker.

No way.

What about Mimsy here?

She's sweet, and good,

and just dying

for someone to love her.

See?

I don't know.

She's a little bit bigger

than what I pictured.

She's not that big.

Um, I don't think

she's gonna get much bigger.

Just look at her feet.

I just don't think

she's what I'm looking for.

I mean, I was really

looking for a dog

that I could fit

in my purse, you know?

Okay, well, sorry

we couldn't find a good

match for you today, Jen.

(...)

Personally, I think

this dog is perfect

for you, Jennifer.

Or do you go by Jen?

May I call you Jen?

Well, see, she's quiet

as a dormouse,

and that is

your main concern, yes?

And you can't really

hold it against her

that she's not

some yappy teacup dog.

She's still cute,

and, uh, between you and I,

all the dogs in here

are cute.

But this dog has

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