20 Year Old Virgins

Welcome back, Eugenie.

Hello again, sweet Candy.

What wishes can I grant you today?

Why don't you get me the

shy Catholic school girl?

Your wish is my command.

Ah, there she is.

Hi!

You asked for me?

I sure did.

Have you been a naughty school girl?

Yeah.

You know what I do to naughty

little school girls,

don't you?

Are you gonna spank my ass?

I sure am.

Now bend over and lift up that skirt.

Your wishes my command.

Oh!

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, oh.

Oh, ow!

I'm king of the world!

F*** you.

Wait, is it, is that a new tattoo?

Yeah, I just got it yesterday.

You like it?

Yeah, you need to be punished for that, too.

Oh!

You know what I want youth do now?

Your wish is my command.

See that big black one over there?

Oh, no, not that one.

Yeah, that's right, that one.

I want you to make that one disappear.

All of it?

No, just the tip.

Yeah, all of it.

But that's gonna hurt.

You need to be punished.

Now sit on it.

Your wishes my command.

Oh!

Good thing I didnt step in it.

Hey, check it out, chips.

Oh, yeah, yeah, chips.

Check out whats in the box.

She said she's gonnabuy us dinner anyway.

Oh, yeah, let's see what's in here.

Hopefully theres some candy.

Oh, yeah, there is candy, look at this.

Look at this.

That's what Im talking about.

Nice, wow.

Oh, yeah.

Let me see that.

Sweet smell of the summer, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Let's have some of those chips.

Oh, sh*t, she's here.

Oh, sh*t!

Put it back.

Hey, come on guys, it's the one upstairs.

You moving in?

Gee, how'd you guess?

Well, duh, I mean, you got movers,

moving boxes, moving trucks.

It doesn't take a brain surgeon.

That much is true.

What's that smell?

I don't smell anything.

You know what, it's probably the gardener.

He always smells a little funky.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Oh, and um, it's, it's Gene.

With an N.

Okay.

(moaning)

I like that.

Do you like that?

Surprise!

Oh, Gene, ah, goddamn.

Doesn't anyone f***ing knock anymore?

Dude, come on.

Dude, get the f*** out,

close the door, God.

Whatever you're doing, I

have something to show you.

Unless, unless its a Catholic school girl

I don't wanna see it.

It's better.

I'm sorry.

Where were we?

Like that?

Yeah.

It is all in.

You're all in.

Are you done yet?

Dude, shut up.

You're making me lose my concentration.

Dude, just try a different video,

it's probably not working for you,

that's what I do.

It's, it's not a video,

it's a real life chick.

It's, it's a real babe?

Yeah, it's a real life chick.

Let me see.

Dude, get out, get out of here, man.

Oh, dude, come on.

This is costing me2.99 a minute here.

Dude, come on, man.

I'll show you later.

Whatever.

Later.

I, I guess you've

been punished enough, Candy.

If you're a naughty girl tomorrow

I'll give you a call back, okay?

All right.

I'm just gonna go see what

the boys are up to

in the locker room.

I think they just finished

football practice.

You nasty, naughty little...

Man.

What's up, dude?

Ohhhh.

Dude, what's that smell?

Gardener.

Oh.

So what are you doing?

Making a salad or something?

Dude, what I discovered

last night is the closest thing

that we'll get to the real thing,

that'll actually feel like the real thing.

Okay, so what is it?

Okay, dude, you know that movie

where the guys sticks his dick

in the warm apple pie and

it's supposed to feel

like the real thing?

Well that is a total bunch of sh*t, man.

'Cause I tried it.

I burned my dick for like, a week,

it hurt to piss.

And there I was just icing the sausage away

and then I realized whats wet,

smooth and soft?

All together.

A cherry pie?

No, dude.

A tomato!

Dude, 'cause if you

get one of the ripe ones,

like, you get those

little ridges at the end of it

and they give you that extra sensation.

Okay, so what are the bananas for?

You're not gonna tell me its to

shove up your ass or something, is it?

No.

It's for us to eat.

Wait a minute.

How do you know what the

real thing feels like anyway?

Dude, you just gotta trust

me on this one, okay?

Dude, I'm not f***ing a tomato.

Dude, don't knock it until you try it.

Check it out,

just carve out one of these tomatoes,

you know, just carve it right

through the center.

All right, depending on the

size of your little Wang,

you know, you can make it big or small

and then you can slide it on in there.

Look.

This.

Or you could just like, hump

away, all right?

Dude.

I bet if you use this it would have only

taken you a minute or two.

I would have been here earlier, but like,

the damn stop sign wouldnt change.

Must be broken or something.

Dude, you interrupted my online date

with a hot babe for this?

Speaking of hot babes,

have you seen our hot new neighbor?

Dude, we have a hot new neighbor?

Dude, we've got a hot new neighbor!

No way!

Dude, dude, dude.

(whispering)

Holy sh*t.

Oh, man, that's hot.

You're telling me.

Dude.

Dude, I just want a slice of that.

Yeah, me, too.

Yeah.

Dude, do we still have those pizza coupons

in the kitchen?

Where are you gonna go?

Anywhere but this whorehouse.

You're not being reasonable.

It wasn't like you think.

Yeah, yeah, once you go black, baby.

I never go back, that's really good.

(moaning)

Can we at least talk about it?

You know what, no, I'm

done talking about it, okay?

Just pack up my sh*t,

I'll be back for it in a couple days.

Where are you gonna be?

Can I call you?

I don't need

A shot of whiskey

I don't need

A reservoir What I need

Is to be ready when love

When love tries

To be found

Yeah, that's us.

Yeah, yeah, we'd like to order

a large pepperoni pizza with

everything on it.

Yeah, everything.

Combination?

Okay, I'll take a pepperoni combination,

whatever.

Yeah, I got a coupon right here.

Hold on a second.

Dude, this dude over here is asking me

if we want six or twelve slices.

Dude, I'm pretty hungry.

Yeah, me too.

Six ain't gonna be enough, huh?

I'm ordering 12.

Make it 12, yeah.

You're gonna have to make that 12 slices.

Yeah, okay, thanks.

Wait, hold the tomatoes.

Come on dude, it'll just

be for a couple days.

Just till I get my sh*t straightened out.

Can't do it, buddy.

Michelle wont go for it.

If it was my place you know I'd tell you

to come on over.

Yeah, yeah, p*ssy.

I don't need

A shot of whiskey

I don't need

A reservoir All I need

Oh, she's coming.

All right let's put a

little screw right here...

To complete the game successfully

you must transfer the entire blocks of wood

onto another peg without putting

a larger one on top of a smaller one.

Dude, I got it.

Check it out.

Dude!

You're a genius.

I know, I know.

Pizza's here, dude.

Large combination, hold the tomatoes.

That's us.

That'll be 19.95not including tip.

Wait a minute.

There's a couple slices missing.

Your roommate took 'em.

Who?

Thanks for the lunch, queers.

He's not my roommate.

Stupid pizza guy.

Keep the change.

Really?

Don't mention it, man.

Did that prick intercept our food again?

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