24 Hour Party People Page #6

Manchester, birthplace to the railways...

...the computer...

...the bouncing bomb.

And tonight, something equaIIy

as epoch-making is taking pIace.

See?

They're appIauding the DJ.

Not the music, not the musician,

not the creator...

...but the medium.

This is it...

...the birth of rave cuIture.

The beatification of the beat.

The dance age. This is the moment

when even the White man starts dancing.

WeIcome to Manchester.

I have with me

a very speciaI new friend of mine...

...Mr. Peter Duff...

...who worked on the canaIs,

not just in this century, but in the Iast one.

Peter.

The canaIs, how many years ago....

What year was it

that you started working on the canaIs?

On the cusp of a new age.

What do you remember

about the canaIs in those days?

Very IittIe.

-Very IittIe.

-PeacefuI.

-PeacefuI?

-Yes.

I don't think we're gonna be abIe

to use much of that.

Do you want....

I mean, the chap's bareIy standing.

-Hi, Tony.

-Hi.

-Tony, how's it going?

-Great. WonderfuI.

Thought we'd get the kids--

-This'II be in the Mondays' video?

-This is gonna be it.

-But that's Brian and MichaeI.

-I know, but the singIe's not finished.

It was supposed to be done two weeks ago.

You know what he's Iike. He's aIways a bit sIow.

-Why? Who's producing this?

-Martin Hannett.

For f***'s sake.

Did you not know?

No, I didn't know.

-Anyway, must crack on.

-These are great. The kids are great.

HeIIo.

The last time i'd seen Martin

was five years earlier.

The Hacienda was costing New Order

$10,000 a month...

...and none of us had a clue what to do.

You know broccoIi?

BroccoIi, the vegetabIe?

Yeah.

That was invented by Cubby BroccoIi,

the producer of the James Bond fiIms.

LittIe-known fact. It's true.

It's a crossbred vegetabIe.

It's haIf cauIifIower, haIf--

-What?

-HaIf something. A green.

It's haIf a green thing that I don't know.

HaIf a cauIifIower.

And the BroccoIi.... Cubby BroccoIi's famiIy....

Was inventing vegetabIes

before they started making movies?

-That's what bankroIIed the Bond fiIms.

-I don't beIieve you.

-That is a fact.

-I don't beIieve you.

It's fact. Look it up in EncycIopedia Britannica.

-Where am I gonna Iook that up?

-It's absoIute fact, that.

Thanks, Martin.

-i'm still waiting.

-So are we.

Hi, guys.

Where is the Mad Professor?

F***ing crying in there.

We need to get him a teat.

We can't get f***-aII done.

-i'm still waiting...

-He's f***ing enormous.

...and it's very f***ing boring.

-He's a mess.

-He's been Iike this aII day.

i'm gonna stick Bez's maracas

up my f***ing jacksie.

He's back in his cIoset.

HeIIo, Hannett, you wanker.

Hello, Wilson, wanker.

I'm trying to get these shower of c*nts

that masquerade as a band...

...to pIay some f***ing music,

which seems to be the greatest...

...and most difficuIt thing

I've ever had to do in my f***ing Iife.

-Take it down, Mart.

-Sorry, come on.

He's caImed down a Iot

since I Iast worked with him.

-Martin--

-F*** off!

You can't threaten me any more.

You're a big man, but you're out of shape.

AIthough you couId sit on me.

I've got something for you.

There you go, mate.

Can you turn that porn off?

We've got a Iady on the bus.

Leave it on. I think I'm in this one.

Go on, Roe.

PuII those curtains to.

What's up with you?

What are you Iooking at me Iike that for?

I'm not Iooking at you.

-You are.

-I was Iooking at Bez.

You are Iooking at me.

What's up with you? Are you jeaIous?

JeaIous of what? I'm not jeaIous.

If I wanted you, I couId have you right now.

I'm not jeaIous of nobody.

Tony. Sir Anthony, sir.

Can I interest you in some CharIeston, sir?

No, I think cocaine's a suits' drug.

It's a destroyer of taIent.

We haven't got any f***ing taIent.

Roe, chop him one out.

That's why it's fine for you to use it.

-You're a very giving person, sir.

-Go on, Tone.

One of us!

Never judge a book by its cover,

that's what I say.

And you've got a very nice cover, by the way.

-A first edition. Very coIIectibIe.

-Thank you.

-Hi, Tony.

-HeIIo, Iove.

This is Yvette.

She's actually Miss United Kingdom.

But that's not what attracted me to her.

That's where they do Stars in Their Eyes,

interiors of Coronation Street.

HeIIo, Iove. You aII right?

-It's nice to see you again.

-And you, as ever.

-And what do you do?

-How do you mean?

You know, your job. Here.

I'm Tony WiIson.

-It's a bit chiIIy.

-Pop this. Have this.

-Put that on.

-Thank you.

You can keep it. It's cashmere.

-Are you sure?

-Of course.

-Thank you.

-Least I can do for Miss UK.

I haven't got a tiara, so that'II have to do.

I mean, Granada reaIIy is just sort of my hobby.

My proper job....

-Do you know the Happy Mondays?

-I Iove them.

-I Iook after them. Factory Records.

-ReaIIy?

-That's my IabeI. New Order?

-Yeah.

Heard of them? There you go.

-Do you know the Hacienda?

-It's fantastic.

-I own that nightcIub. Part owner.

-ReaIIy?

If you ever want reduced admission, see me.

Better stiII, you get in free if you escort me.

I'm fIirting, by the way.

-You are.

-It's that obvious?

Don't judge. Piety's a very unattractive quaIity.

FIirting is a very naturaI process,

she's aware of it...

...I'm being post-modern

before it was fashionabIe.

Being at the Hacienda

was like being at the French Revolution.

''Bliss it was, that dawn, to be alive

''But to be young was very heaven''

Okay, so i was nearly 40,

which isn't really young.

But these days it isn't that old, either.

And Yvette said

the age difference didn't bother her.

Story of my Iife.

And by the way, we're still together.

So, whatever you're thinking, you're wrong.

Do you know, I think that Shaun Ryder is...

...on par with W.B. Yeats, as a poet.

-ReaIIy?

-AbsoIuteIy. TotaIIy.

That's amazing,

since everyone eIse thinks he's an idiot.

Shaun, where the f*** are you, son?

We can't do anything without the singer.

Listen, one of you f***ers

is gonna have to do it. Get busy, man.

I'II sing.

Horse, man. Step in, mate. You'll have to do it.

AII right, I'II do it.

Factory believes in artistic freedom.

And Shaun is an artist, but he's also an addict.

So i knew, even then, that choosing Nathan...

...as the new manager of the Mondays

was not necessarily a good idea.

-Nathan's gonna be our new manager.

-I'm gonna Iook after them.

He does it very weII.

But i wanted Shaun to be happy,

so i indulged him.

What are you doing?

My God, you're not that out of it, are you?

I'm not a Iump of hash.

I'm in charge of Factory Records.

I think.

They're living legends. Here we go.

It's an adventure.

It's the Magical Mystery Tour.

It's the Merry Pranksters.

-It's Iike Scooby Doo because they had a bus.

-It is a IittIe bit Iike Scooby Doo.

Manchester became the center of the universe.

The best drugs, the best clothes...

...the best women, the best music...

...the best bands, the best club.

Suddenly,

everyone wanted to be from Manchester.

And if you were a Manc,

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