24 Hour Party People Page #9

I'm not eating f***ing bunny-rabbit food.

I'm going for a Kentucky.

-Are you coming?

-We'II get you a Kentucky.

-See you Iater, Tone.

-AII right, mate, see you Iater.

Yvette, do you wanna go

and just keep an eye on them?

Why don't we Iisten to the tune

whiIe they're out?

Come on.

I do understand that Shaun can be...

...a IittIe bit of a handfuI.

He's a genius, though.

You're right, he is a genius.

And, I've got to say, if I owned a record IabeI...

...and I'd sign Shaun to it...

...then I wouId not be seIIing him on for a fee.

I'm gonna make you an offer.

Can I Iean on this?

Yes, you've gotta be a bit.... It's fine.

I'm gonna make you an offer

for the whoIe company.

Okay.

Pou5,000,000.

What do you want for that?

What do I want?

I want everything.

I want everything. I want the back cataIogue.

I want this tabIe, this food, these windows.

-I want it aII.

-You want Factory?

Quite right.

Okay, right, we're very fIattered...

...terribIy fIattered

that you think we're worth such a princeIy sum.

However, what I have to expIain to you is that...

...Factory Records are not actuaIIy a company.

We are an experiment in human nature.

You're Iaboring under the misapprehension...

...that we actuaIIy have...

...a deaI...

...with our bands,

that we have any kind of a contract at aII...

...and I'm afraid we don't.

Because that's the sum totaI of the paperwork...

...to do with Factory Records' deaI

with their various bands.

''The artists own aII their own work.

The IabeI owns nothing.

''Our bands have the freedom....''

''To f*** off.''

Quite right.

''...the freedom to f*** off.''

-I don't have to deaI with you at aII.

-Correct. But my epitaph wiII be...

...that I...

...never, IiteraIIy nor metaphoricaIIy...

...soId out.

I protected myseIf from ever having to have...

...the diIemma of having to seII out...

...by having nothing to seII out.

You're f***ing mad.

That's a point of view.

Most of all, i love Manchester.

The crumbling warehouses, the railway arches...

...the cheap, abundant drugs.

That's what did it in the end.

Not the money, not the music,

not even the guns.

That is my heroic flaw...

...my excess of civic pride.

Ryan.

Tony WiIson, is it true

the Hacienda is cIosing down?

Yes, it is.

How does it feeI

now that it's f***ed up in your face?

GIorious. The Hacienda is dead.

It wiII never grow oId.

-UnIike your good seIf.

-I feeI Iike a big dandeIion cock....

-What?

-CIock.

Cock or cIock. It doesn't matter.

Whose seed is catching the wind,

is gonna fIy off, Iand, take root and spawn...

...dozens, thousands of IittIe baby dandeIions.

Like the biggest ever f***.

And now she wants one, so I've gotta go.

I've got the horn, Ryan.

Tony, how are you doing?

Vini, go on in.

Let him in.

You couIdn't just give us 10 minutes,

couId you?

-F***ing heII. I'm fuII of fIu.

-Just 10.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...the hour is upon us.

i'd like now to ask you to leave...

...in a disorderly fashion.

Before you do...

...i want you to invade the offices...

...which are over there in the corner...

...through that door, and as far as you can...

...loot them.

Office equipment, computers,

musical equipment...

...take it all, use it wisely.

Let a thousand Mancunians bloom.

Good night, God bless.

Morning.

AII right, Tone, how are you doing, mate?

Very good.

I'm reaIIy sorry about what happened.

Don't worry about it, mate.

It's just, you know....

This is f***ing great. This is briIIiant stuff.

Shaun brought it back from Barbados.

WeII done, Shaun.

-Don't mention it.

-So, it wasn't a compIete waste of time, then?

I had a great time, what I can remember.

Tony. You did a good job.

Basically, you were right.

Shaun is the greatest poet since Yeats.

This is amazing. Can I have it in writing?

it is already written in the sinews of history

and the hearts of men.

it's a pity you didn't sign The Smiths,

but you were right about Mick Hucknall.

His music's rubbish, and he's a ginger.

Vini Reilly, by the way...

...is way overdue a revival.

You might think about a greatest hits.

It's a good idea.

it's good music to chill out to.

-You're right.

-i usually am.

Are you aII right there, Tony?

Yeah, I've just seen God.

-You did what?

-I've just seen God.

-Did you?

-Yeah.

What did he Iook Iike?

He Iooked Iike me.

How do you mean?

He was the doubIe of me.

It's written in the BibIe, isn't it?

God made man in his own image.

But not a specific man.

No, but...

...if you'd have spoken to him,

he wouId have Iooked Iike you.

But you didn't. I did.

And he Iooked Iike me.

It's f***ing top gear, man.

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