3 Men and a Little Lady

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Mary, come

and eat breakfast.

Mama-a-popala,

mama-a-popala,

mama-a-popala.

Huh-hum, mama,

huh-hum, mama.

Oh, you're just the person

I've been waiting for.

- Good morning, buttercup.

- Good morning, Jack.

Help me pick a tie.

How's this one?

Too traditional?

Absolutely right.

How 'bout this one?

Too avant garde.

No.

- This one?

- I like that one.

What would I do

without you?

- Did you see my red shoe?

- Your red shoe?

I don't think

I have.

If I were a red shoe,

where would I hide?

Right over here?

No.

Here? No.

What about back here?

Nope.

Mary, honey,

your breakfast is ready!

- Are you going to the "inner"?

- The interview? Of course.

I'm going to meet

your teachers,

tell 'em what a

great kid you are.

- What should I wear?

- Let's pick something out.

Thanks.

I needed that.

Mary?

Go eat your breakfast.

Hurry up.

- Did you get that review?

- Yes, thank you.

I loved seeing that guy eat crow

after what he said about you.

- You take my reviews too personally.

- I don't think so.

When we're in a restaurant

and you see a critic,

you want to throw

your butter knife.

I would've got the last

guy if he hadn't moved.

Oh, you missed

a spot.

Hello, lovely ladies.

- Here's your breakfast, Michael.

- Thanks.

- Toast is done.

- Damn!

Jerry, I realize you're

trying to save money,

but we are building an

office for 12,000 people.

You can't put a bathroom

on every other floor.

What if they don't go

before they come to work?

Fine, okay.

I'll hold.

Morning, everyone.

- Can you believe how

people try to save money?

- Jerry again?

Yeah, the Albert Schweitzer

of real estate.

Oh, no!

- Look, my foot must

have grown last night.

- That's my shoe.

Thank God.

I thought it was me.

Mary, don't you

like your oatmeal?

- It tastes like rubber.

- It's supposed to.

- What a crock.

- Where did you hear that expression?

What a crock!

What?

What'd I do?

Finish getting dressed.

I'll fix something else.

Oh.

Did I say "over night"?

I meant "over light."

- You don't like my eggs?

- You kidding?

That's the best

part about you.

They're perfect

just like you are.

- Look. You did your hair.

- Someone noticed!

Are we ready

for the interview?

- Absolutely.

- Definitely.

What about your

commercial shoot?

They gave me

an hour off.

This is the school

we want Mary to go to.

I've been here the 5 years it

took us to decide!

They put less research

into the salt treaty.

- Primary school...

- "Is the first watershed

event of a child's life."

Have I said that before?

Not in the last 5 minutes.

- I'll be there.

- Don't be late.

Have I ever let

you down before?

Mary, while we're

talking with the lady,

- you'll be in a class

with other boys and girls.

- Okay.

Relax. This

isn't going to hurt.

I think we

better start.

It's getting late.

Yes, it is.

- You're the architect?

- That's right.

And you are

the cartoonist?

- Actually, I'm a satirist.

- Michael draws Johnny Cool.

- Oh, that cute kitten!

- He's really not a kitten.

He's a cat who symbolizes

the angst of the single man.

- I adore that little hat he wears.

- Mr. Holden is...

- The actor.

- But very stable. Not one of...

Michael, they know

actors are normal people.

Good afternoon!

Oh, my God!

I didn't mean to frighten you.

Forgive the makeup.

I'm in the middle

of a commercial...

for Fairlawn Margarine

about Count Cholesterol.

Probably seen me

on TV, huh?

How do you do?

Hmm? How do you do?

I had a hell of a time

catching a cab.

What? Oh!

Thank you.

Ooo! Look.

Mary's drawn a picture

of her family.

Isn't that wonderful?

That's wonderful, Mary.

Is that you?

Yeah?

- Is that your mommy?

- Yes.

- And who's that?

- That's my biological daddy.

Oh.

Who's that?

That's my one honorary daddy,

and that's my other.

We all live

together.

Okay.

Everybody put the tops

back on your markers.

Take your drawings

up to the front.

You have 3 daddies?

That's weird.

- How come?

- Julie has 2 daddies,

but not at the same time.

- Why not?

- You can't have more than...

one father at a time living

with you. That's the law.

What's the role

of other women?

- None whatsoever.

- Can't say I've ever

seen any in the house.

- Strictly professional.

- Then you're gay.

- Is she kidding?

- Gay!

How many women

this month?

- That's hard to say.

- I need a calculator.

We have a strict rule,

no overnight guests...

while Mary's

in the house.

This is a most unique

family environment.

As a school

psychologist,

I've told the committee

in no uncertain terms,

that I was most

impressed by Mary.

I found her to be a

delightful and happy child.

- Yes, she is.

- Thank you.

However, I must warn you

she's coming to an age...

when even slight

differences...

can threaten her

sense of fitting in.

The littlest things:

A parent's accent, how they dress.

While we think of ourselves

as progressive,

I'd be less

than candid...

if I said that 3 men without

any legal responsibility,

didn't concern me

a great deal.

- We have responsibilities.

- I know what you're trying to say.

I should be the one

to respond.

I know some of the

children in this school,

and their parents.

Family life is not easy.

Of all the fathers,

stepfathers, half-fathers,

no 3 men support and love

a child like these 3 men.

There is nothing

they wouldn't do for her.

I can only hope that

when it comes to fathers,

the children in this school

are as lucky as Mary is.

Yeah, you're in.

Congratulations.

Look at you.

What's the matter?

- Stuff.

- What kind of stuff?

I don't know.

I feel different.

- Says who?

- People.

Oh. Who cares

what people think?

- People think I'm different.

- You are.

Yeah, well, so,

see?

That's good.

Listen, let me

tell you something here.

It's okay

to be different.

You don't have to be

like everybody else.

- Okay?

- Okay.

Okay, now,

unfortunately, your daddy

has to go off and be famous.

But you...

a-ha-ha.

But you are mine

forever!

Anything you want.

Money's no object.

- Hamburgers look great!

- What can I get for you?

Do you have a penis?

Can we hear

your specials?

This table's

a little wobbly.

Give us a minute.

Mary, that's a very adult word.

Where did you hear it?

Jenny said her father

and brother have a penis.

Peter, you're

the architect.

You explain it

to her.

The penis is...

the urinary and

copulatory organ...

of the male mammal.

It's composed

primarily...

Thank you.

- What?

- Did you memorize that?

I bet he says that

to all the girls.

Mary and I are

going to wash our hands.

I can't believe

she said that.

- I didn't know about sex

until I was in college.

- I'm stunned!

- I was exaggerating.

- I'm talking about Mary.

She's not

a baby anymore.

That one word was

like a trumpet...

announcing

her adulthood.

- First comes penis, then...

- Pete, can you say it louder?

She's susceptible

to the outside world,

- boys, sex.

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