40 the Hard Way

(tyres screech)

You don't see me standin' here, man?

See me lookin' at you?

Get outta the car!

I'll take care of you, man!

- (operator) 911 emergency.

- Hello there. It's me... again.

Well, what can I say?

I'm about to crash another party.

(tyres screech)

Move it, d*ckhead! It's only a gas pedal.

It's not gonna bite.

- Hang on, Benny. Here we go.

- Whoa!

(horn)

- Would you slow down?

- Come on!

Aw, look at this.

- It's D for drive, shithead!

- (man) F*** you!

There oughta be a goddamn law,

driving without a brain!

Out of the way!

Police business, you got it?

It isn't police business, Moss.

You're late for a goddamn date.

You can't be yelling "police business"

when it isn't.

It's my business

and I'm the police, right?

So go figure. What is this guy doing?

(truck horn)

Come on, Moss!

What are you gonna tell the captain?

"Sorry about the 45 people I killed.

I was horny. "

We've only been out

a few times, me and Susan.

No one I've met since my divorce

stuck around for a second date.

Maybe it's something

about my personality.

- (horn)

- Up yours, a**hole!

Goddamn it!

Susan's different. I think she's the one.

I even quit smoking for her.

Hey, you a**hole! What's the matter?

- Goddamn it, what is this? A conspiracy?

- (Benny) It's a billboard.

What's-his-face. The new Nick Lang

movie. I really love that guy.

I hate him. He's in my way. Bad enough

he's up there and we're stuck down here.

(radio) Party Crasher

spotted at a dance club on 46th.

No, not tonight!

I got a date! Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Hey, hey! We're working here!

(# "Mama Said Knock You Out"

by LL Cool J)

# I'm rockin' my peers

puttin' suckers in fear

# Makin' the tears

rain down like a monsoon

# Listen to the bass go boom

# Explosion

# Overpowerin'

# Over the competition I'm towerin'

# Wreckin' shop

when I drop these lyrics

# That'll make you call the cops

# Don't you dare stare

You better move

# Don't ever compare me to the rest

# That'll all get sliced and diced

# Competition's payin' the price

# I'm gonna knock you out

# Mama said knock you out

# I'm gonna knock you out

# Mama said knock you out

# I'm gonna knock you out

# Mama said knock you out

# I'm gonna knock you out

# Mama said knock you out

He's gonna call us every time

he shoots someone?

The man likes an audience.

Grainy, check the back.

China, Billy, stay out front.

- We stand out here pullin' our puds?

- He might kill someone out here.

I don't have a pud.

Pull on yours twice for me.

Said he'd be dressed in black.

Shouldn't be that hard to spot.

# Shadow-boxing when

I heard you on the radio

# Huh! I just don't know

# What made you forget

that I was raw

# But now I got a new tour

# I'm goin' insane,

startin' the hurricane

# Releasin' pain,

lettin' you know

# You can't gain or maintain

unless you say my name

# Rippin', killin'

# Diggin' and drillin' a hole

# Pass the Old Gold

# I'm gonna knock you out

# Mama said knock you out

# I'm gonna knock you out

# Mama said knock you out

# I'm gonna knock you out

# Mama said knock you out

# I'm gonna knock you out

# Mama said knock you out

# Shotgun blasts are heard

# When I rip and kill at will

# The man of the hour, tower of power

# I'll devour

# I'm gonna tie you up

and let you understand

# That I'm not your average man

(screaming)

(panicked shouting)

Billy, you got him?

China, where is he?

Where is he? I don't see him!

There!

Damn it.

Damn it, he's right there. Billy!

Billy, the tow truck!

Hey! Come here, you prick.

Ow! Damn it.

- Whoa!

- Hey, a**hole!

You drive. I wanna shoot him!

Come on! We jingle it, baby.

Come on, let's roll. Come on!

(siren)

(screaming)

You son of a b*tch!

- Chill! Wait for me get my gun out.

- Don't tell me how to drive, Billy.

There he is!

- Come on! Sh*t!

- Jumpin' Jesus.

Billy, shoot him. Kill this a**hole.

I would if you'd get out of the way, you

tow-truck-drivin' motherfuckin' supercop!

I don't give a sh*t. Shoot him.

You like it? You're gonna die!

You're gonna die. If I ever

get out of this, you're gonna die.

(Crasher) Woo-woo-woo!

Uh-oh. Oh, boy.

Shoot him! Shoot him!

Damn it! Shoot him again, Billy.

Don't pull it. Oh, no! Goddamn it!

Oh, it's gonna hurt. Ow!

Yahoo! You see that, sucker?

Excuse me, Lieutenant.

Care for a cigarette?

Oh, sh*t!

(groans)

(Crasher) Bye!

You son of a b*tch!

Oh, man.

I hate that guy.

No one talks that way to Joe Gunn.

(narrator) Look who's back in town.

Where there's fire, there's smoke.

Where there's smoke,

there's Joe Gunn.

He hates bad guys.

Gunn, I'm gonna kill ya.

He loves bad girls.

Joe, you gotta help me!

(narrator) This time, he's tracking

a killer halfway around the globe.

He can't be stopped.

Hang on! I'm coming.

(narrator) And he never quits.

Joe, why don't you quit?

These'll kill you.

You kill me, baby.

I want him found.

I want him stopped.

I want him dead.

Gee, it's great to be wanted.

Nick Lang is Joe Gunn

in "Smoking Gunn II".

Cos you can't keep a good gun down.

Rated R.

- Nickie!

- It's crap, Angie. It's crap!

It's another big budget, big box-office,

Nick Lang, easy-to-flush piece of crap.

Don't throw your People's Choice Award.

When are you gonna come to me

with something with relevance...

...something that doesn't have

a Roman numeral in the title?

Did you ever hear of Hamlet I I I?

Midsummer's Night IV?

They made Henry V. It won awards

for that little Scottish fellow.

- (Angie) So that's what this is about.

- Hi, Nickie!

Me, the agent that mismanaged

you all the way to No. 1.

All right. Fine, let's talk about

something that matters.

Let's talk about...

(both) $1.2 billion in

combined ticket sales.

Not to mention $7 million

pay-or-play, or 12% of the gross.

You've never been bigger. They're

bootlegging your movies to Libya.

Fabulous. I've cornered the terrorist

market. How am I doing in Iraq?

The problem is

I'm tired of playing cartoons.

You don't want me to grow up.

The studio doesn't want me to grow up.

I'm the only one

who wants me to grow up!

Let's cut through it.

It's that part, isn't it?

You still wanna play

that cop, Ray Casanova.

Casanov, Ray Casanov.

And you're damn right.

Come on, Gupta, get the kind

with the fresh ones!

Damn right I want to! You know why?

Because that's a real guy.

He worries about paying the rent...

...he bleeds when he gets shot,

pukes when he gets sick.

Nick! Spielberg's wife just had a baby.

Should I send that wine and cheese?

Yeah, and some of those muffins

and a note, something personal.

Not too personal. He forgot

to mention me in his AFI speech.

- Add my name.

- OK.

People come to see your movies

because you make them happy.

Call me crazy, but I don't see America

coming out in droves to see you puke.

Besides, they want

Mel Gibson for the role.

- Is it about asses? Is it a butt movie?

- Get up, get up.

The director'll be back in two weeks.

- They'll close the deal.

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