50 First Dates Page #2

I don't know if you realize,

I'm not into guys.

Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups.

Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-in-One-Punch.

How you doing?

- You're back.

- Couldn't get enough of that Spam.

Fry some up and throw

some eggs on it.

- You got it.

- All right, mahalo.

- Hi, Lucy.

- Hi, Nick.

You know, why don't you try this?

It's kind of a hinge.

- Now, why didn't I think of that?

- Well, you're too close to the project.

Don't be hard on yourself.

Right. Sometimes you need

an outsider's perspective.

Fresh eye never hurts.

I'm Lucy.

Yes. I'm Henry Roth.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

It's pretty. Keep up the good work.

Wait. I see you're sitting there alone.

Do you wanna come and sit down?

- Sure, that'd be great, if that's all right.

- Okay.

- So are you an architect?

- I am not. I'm in fish.

Oh, that's where the smell

is coming from.

Yeah, yeah, I was feeding

a walrus this morning...

...and I thought I got most of it

off of me, but guess I didn't.

- I love that smell.

- No, you don't.

- Fish don't even like that smell.

- No, I do. My dad's a fisherman.

He and my brother Doug, they go

out to sea for months at a time.

And I miss them so much while they're

gone that when they come back...

...I just hold on to them

for five minutes each.

And they smell just like your hands.

It's the best smell in the world.

Well, my fingers are available...

...for your sniffing pleasure

anytime you need them.

- Wanna?

- Okay.

Sea lions are known

for their athleticism...

...and dolphins are known

for their intelligence.

- Walruses are known for their...

- Tusks?

Their tusks. Also their male parts

can get pretty gigantic.

Yeah, yeah, it's the second biggest

out of all the mammals.

- What's the first?

- I think Tattoo-Face.

I like your laugh.

I like you making me laugh.

I hate to break this up,

but we're setting up for lunch.

Oh, okay. Sorry, Sue.

And the real cool thing about walruses

is they're very mysterious.

- Mysterious?

- Yeah, yeah.

We don't really know what

they're like in the wild.

Don't they just sleep on icebergs

and yawn all the time?

All we really see is what they do

outside of the water...

...but who knows what

they do under the ice...

...where they spend

two-thirds of their lives.

Well, maybe they're intimidating the

other creatures with their big winkies.

That is one theory.

- I have to go.

- Where you going?

It's my dad's birthday, and we go

every year and we pick a pineapple.

- It's a tradition.

- That sounds nice. Okay, well...

...I had a great time.

- Me too.

- Okay.

Would you like to have breakfast

again tomorrow morning, same time?

- Because I teach an art class at 10.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- I wish I could make it...

...but, yes, I will be there.

- Take care.

- Okay.

- One for the road. It is fishy.

- Got you good.

- Aloha.

- Aloha!

See you tomorrow.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness.

Sh*t.

I had a bee on me.

- All right.

- He was a big one.

Which means

"look at those two shitheads."

That was the stupidest-looking

swing I've ever seen.

I'm gonna take a Molokai

on that one.

No throwing. Come on.

Stop laughing, you hyenas.

Let's see what you get.

Okay, you heard me. Go! Go!

Show papa what you got.

- You suck, you're good at everything.

- Father of the Year strikes again.

By the way, cuz, I met this sexy, blond

tax attorney at Starbucks today.

I told her you the kahuna

she wanna have fun on this island.

You want her number?

You pimping tourists for me again?

Yes! I live vicariously

through you, remember?

My life sucks.

Now, come on. Give her the Waikikiki

sneaky between the cheeky.

Ula needs it. I imagine I did it and then

I can get through another weekend.

I'm staying in. Sorry.

Thank you, though.

- What?

- Hey, Dad!

Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau.

But your stitches are bleeding.

It must've been my huge back-swing.

You think you can stitch me up

after I get back from surfing?

- Yeah, looking forward to it.

- I wouldn't surf with a wound like that.

You might attract a shark.

What's wrong with that?

Sharks are naturally peaceful.

Is that right?

How'd you get that nasty cut, anyway?

A shark bit me.

Nice.

Go smoke another one, bro.

That shark theory's

starting to catch on.

Now, will everybody keep it down...

...while I whack the crap

out of this thing?

Sit! Stay! Sh*t! No!

Where the hell is it?

Looking for something?

Oh, my God!

What are you doing here?

The same thing you are.

Looking for my ball.

This is weird. I've been thinking

about you all morning, all day.

Can't wait to have breakfast

with you again.

I know. And I just wanna eat you up.

- Really?

- Yeah. Tomorrow and the next day...

...and the next day and the next day.

- All right. Okay.

Oh, my.

Oh, Lucy, that feels so good.

No, my nipples are too sensitive.

Stop that.

- What happened?

- Your ball hooked into that cart...

...bounced back and hit you in

the head. It was freaking hilarious.

- What?

- Who's Lucy?

And what's up with your nipples?

I can't be falling for a local.

I ain't ever going back to that diner.

- This where you got hit?

- Yes!

You're so lucky you're a professional

cliff diver in Hawaii.

- Yeah, well, it's a living.

- I'm a tax attorney.

- We never get to have any fun.

- Is that right?

I'd like to do something

extra fun tonight.

Taking it deep, aren't you?

How about another

fishbowl for the lady?

- Why don't I just tap a keg for her?

- Okay.

I think I'm getting kind of drunk.

- Are you getting drunk?

- Getting there.

So, what are you thinking?

What am I thinking?

Actually, I'm not drunk at all,

Noreen, and neither are you...

...because there's no alcohol

in these drinks.

Sadly, I've used this technique

many times.

It helps lovely tourists,

such as yourself...

...loosen up without impairing

your ability to stay awake...

...and have guilt-free,

vigorous sex with me.

- Wow.

- I'm sorry.

I'm not a cliff diver, either.

I'm afraid of heights.

Well, since it's my last night in town...

...can I pretend you didn't just say that

and still have sex with you anyway?

I can't do it. I'm sorry.

Well, can you at least point me in

the direction of someone who can?

That guy over there

could help you out.

- Isn't that a woman?

- Jeez, I'm not really sure.

But you're too drunk to notice,

remember? Take care.

- Hey, you. Aloha.

- Aloha.

Not aloha, "hello," aloha, "goodbye."

We're closed today. Go away.

- What are you talking about?

- Order up!

- Don't move. I have to talk to you.

- Okay.

- Hey! Tattoo-Face!

- Hey, Peanut Butter Cups!

Hi.

Hi.

My fingers are extra fishy today,

if you care to take a whiff.

What was that?

I was petting my walrus all morning

and thinking of you the whole time.

Okay, pervert.

I think that you should leave.

What? I was joking because

of what we talked about yesterday.

Yesterday?

I've never even met you.

- Nick! I need help!

- Coming, Lucy.

Nick, put that down.

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