5 Dollars a day Page #2

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You think I'd kid around

about a tumor?

I do.

Come on.

Just say yes.

Just say yes.

All right.

All right.

You're the one.

All right.

You're pure,

pure flame.

I'll drive you.

Blood is thick.

All right.

All right.

Know what I'm saying?

You behave.

And these glue traps

are just plaln gross.

Hlgh technology arrlves

wlth the push-

Thing you do now

is try and forget it.

How, Pa?

How you gonna

forget somethlng llke that?

What I'm trylng to say Is,

now and then,

for no good reason

a man can figure out, life will just...

haul off

and knock hlm flat,

slam hlm agaln'

the ground so hard

It seems llke

all hls Insldes Is busted.

And you start looking around

for something good

to take the place

of the bad.

As a generaI rule,

you can find it.

Think you packed enough?

CooI, no?

New regulations

at the airlines

say you got 60 days

to pick up unclaimed baggage.

After that...

# You belong to me #

This is the good stuff.

Louis Vuitton.

You're not

golng to be sorry.

I got this

so totally worked out.

And you don't have to dip

in your pocket for a thing,

zlp, zllch,

not a crouton.

This trip's on me,

ever last pillow chocolate.

That is good news.

Of course.

I got us set up

in five-star places.

Wait'll you see.

You're going

to be shocked and awed.

Let's go.

What zip code

did you park in?

Oh, here's our ride.

Are you shittin' me?

Free wheels and gas

for a year.

AII I have to do

is drive 1,000 miles a month.

No way.

No, no, no.

Why not?

No, I'm not

getting in there.

I'm not

getting in that.

Don't be a snob.

No.

You know what?

You are completely insane.

You're gone.

Going, going, gone.

Get in the car.

Don't-

don't put that there.

Put that over here.

No, don't put that on.

That stinks.

What about your Maggie?

Is it serious?

'Cause she's

answering your telephone.

It is.

Don't do what I did.

Don't let go

of something speciaI,

'cause, in my experience,

it comes along once.

Okay.

Thanks for the advice.

She dumped you, right?

Yeah, I'm psychic.

Turn in here.

We need to make a stop.

What, you got to take a piss?

No, make a right.

I got a surprise.

Just make a right.

What kind of surprise?

We just got on the road.

I was feeling good.

Little trim, a spruce-up,

get back on the highway.

I don't need a little trim.

I promise you,

these women are good,

and it's not

going to cost a dime.

What the heck?

They don't have their license?

Big deaI.

They're about to be

very good at what they do.

Mm.

Yeah.

There you go.

Yeah, Nat is one

of our favorites.

He's up for anything.

Oh, yeah?

He let me put his hair

in a Mohawk last summer.

No.

I bet it was great

growing up with a dad like that.

Yeah.

You know, if it wasn't for Nat,

I wouldn't be here.

Tuition's reaI pricey.

What, he paid your tuition?

Not exactly.

But he knew

a guy whose wife

was having a hard time

getting knocked up,

so your dad thought of me,

if you know what I mean.

I'm afraid to ask.

He sold my eggs.

Got me enough

for a new car too.

Yep, Nat's the bomb.

Sherry, what have you done?

So much better.

You like it?

Yeah, yeah.

Tips.

All around excellent service.

Enjoy.

Thank you.

I'm crazy about you.

Okay.

Good?

They only do

one haircut here, huh?

I always knew you had big hair.

Women; they take care

of everything for me.

They're saints.

Flynn.

There's a good one.

What was that for?

Are you trying to blind me?

It's for my wallet.

When's the last time

I had a picture of you?

My mug shot.

Does that thing

even work anyway?

Three box tops and $1.20

post and handling, of course.

Oh.

It's promotionaI.

Take a couple.

Hey, let me

ask you a question.

Yeah?

When was the last time

you actually paid for something?

You know how much

I'm out-of-pocket

in the last six months?

$900, and I've wanted for nothing.

Rent, food, sundries,

entertainment, even.

That works out

to under $5 a day.

Well, if you stopped eating,

you'd cut it down to three.

Do you know how many people

could do what I'm doing?

You may see

a curious old person,

but I see

a good-looking older guy

who's making the system

work for him.

I do quite well,

you know, in my modest way.

It's sort of monkish.

AII I need is my bowI.

I go from village to village,

tapping with my stick.

Who taught you

how to drive?

You're a terrible driver.

You're a lot like me.

Nat.

- Hey.

- Huh?

- You all right.

- Yeah.

Food.

Let's eat.

Who planned this route?

It's like an EKG.

It's worked out exactly.

We do a trip down memory lane,

plus there's an IHOP and a Chevron station

every 300 miles.

I get free gas.

It's the best

of all possible worlds.

Let's go.

Every day's my birthday,

'cause I got a guy

who does drivers licenses.

Watch.

Welcome to IHOP.

Thank you, darling.

Is Jones on the grill?

Oh, God, no. He died years ago.

No. Enough said.

May he rest in peace.

We'll have

a window booth.

Window booth.

You might not remember Jonesy.

WonderfuI Reuben sandwich.

Thank you.

What's the most

expensive dish you have?

Chicken combo.

It's $11.99.

He'll have two.

Yes.

Ma'am?

Mm-hmm.

Right here.

Oh.

Thank you.

Make a wish.

Nah-

Grab the bone.

I don't do that stuff.

Come on.

No, it's voodoo stuff.

Come on.

Nobody's thinking about it.

Grab the bone.

I'm not superstitious.

Grab the bone.

I wish I could run across

my own private beach

and jump in the ocean.

What about you?

You wanted a boat.

I used to want

a lot of things.

Altoona.

We had good times here.

Are you serious?

This was our turf.

Father and son.

You want to know

the last time I called you Dad?

It was right here in Altoona.

I said, "Thanks, Dad,"

right after they found me

guilty of grand larceny.

I took my eye off the ball.

Definitely, I did.

I was willing

to do the time.

You had a record.

You would've done

ten years.

And then you hired that clown

impersonating a lawyer.

And he guaranteed

I'd get off.

Everybody said he was tops.

Hey, look at me.

and 3 days at Rahway, Dad.

# Many happy returns of the day to you #

# Many happy returns #

# Happy birthday #

# Many happy returns

from IHOP #

That's all right.

Thank you.

Which one's

the birthday boy?

That's me.

Thank you.

Well, Happy Birthday.

All right, thanks.

Don't mention it.

Happy Birthday.

Can I pick them or what?

Wow.

Whose house is it?

Our new best friend.

His name's Nobody,

and su casa's our casa.

For-sale listings

in 2,700 counties.

I don't know why I was thinking

you might spring for a moteI.

Let's go.

Oh, hey,

I'm not going in there.

Why not?

It's empty.

I'm an ex-con,

and it's illegaI.

Whoop.

Huh?

Let's check out

the bed sltuatlon.

I hope they got a firm rack.

These doggies are tired.

Sweet dreams.

I'm just going to go

sleep in the car.

Yeah, sleep in the car.

Hl, thls Is Maggle.

Please leave a message.

Hl, are you there?

I'm on the road...

with my father.

I think I'm going to be gone

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