7 Khoon Maaf

Sir..

Susanna Anna Marie Johannes-

Prima facie, suicide

She set ablaze not only

herself but her mansion too

Married to 6 men, and

strangely all of them dead.

She must have been one hell of a lay

Well..

I'm sure you've seen

what we've recovered..

Skull, some bones,

ash, make up kit etc

We need to carry out DNA profiling.

Hope you're not too busy?

I'll do it.

It's a priority case

and the police want to

ensure that she's dead.

Arun..

What are you doing?

How come you never

showed this to me?

Why?

Secret?

Is this 'the Susanna'?

''Saheb.'' [Master]

Now, she's no more.

Detached from life,

and torn apart by love..

My ''Saheb'' was melancholic.

All her life, she was in

search for her eternal love.

She was very lonely.

Just an infant when

she lost her mother..

And before she could become

an adult, her father died.

My senior ''Saheb''. [Her father]

He was her everything!

Friend, mother, and brother.

And after he was gone..

.. she tried hard to find

him in every man she could.

On the day of her father's funeral..

.. in full black attire, she

reminded me of soft snow..

.. rolling off the

mountain in the silent night.

No wonder she radiated in black.

And soon, it became her colour.

Uncle Goonga!

Too much to say, but

unfortunately born dumb.

I was born an orphan!

Don't know if he

adopted me or I adopted him.

My first real competition.

And senior ''Saheb's'' last wish.

The first husband..

Major Edwin Rodriques.

Goonga!

How much longer?

Ghalib!

What in the devil is he saying?

He says, everything should be

ready in the next half an hour.

I don't want to see

any of his rats around.

Ghalib.

Poet by name, butler by profession

and mocks a Bollywood villain.

Anything else, sir?

What did he say?

Thank you, sir!

If he knew you were calling him

a f***er he'd pull your eyes out.

Ghalib!

- Sir!

The third ace in her trio.

Maggie aunty!

Under whose care ''Saheb'' grew up.

She became her mother

and her best friend.

She had a few other friends too.

Venomous, dangerous..

.. but faithful like no other.

It's a Derby, darling!

The jockey is as

important as the stallion.

I don't see any

reason for change, Rod.

Goonga was daddy's

favourite jockey.

What do you think, Martha?

I'm think someone here

may have a better idea.

Right, Tim?

What do you have to say, Mr. Rangan?

Why don't we hire a

professional rider from abroad?

We can afford it and

I know one in Prague.

Affordability was

never an issue, Mr. Rangan.

Professional jockey from Prague..

You boy

What do you think you're doing?

Stealing!

Come here.

Come on.

Show me your hands!

Come on!

Whose rascal is this?

I picked a few for Candy, Sir.

Who's Candy?

Your new horse.

That's a nice name for a horse.

Candy.

He runs fast when he eat it Sir.

How much have you studied?

Seven and a half.

Anything else?

Yes, ''Saheb''. Candy loves you.

You tik-tok-tik-tok..

him in race, and win 'Dabry'!

Miss ''Saheb'', forgive me!

Thought I'd help this orphan.

Will send this fool

back to the village.

You won't see this rat anymore.

You're right!

He won't be seen here anymore.

Because he'll be

starting school tomorrow.

Okay.

Sugar.

''Saheb'', thank you!

Snap! My life

changed in a split second.

''Saheb'' picked me up

from a bed of thorns..

and placed me on a bed of roses.

This is the new

admission I was talking about.

She was my goddess.

And I her blind devotee.

All said and done Arun, the

Major was pretty handsome.

Quite a dashing fellow.

The perfect Indian husband.

Boring, possessive,

insecure and a doubting Thomas.

And a fart king too.

Mr. Stinker!

Ladies and gentlemen,

your attention please.

Here's to our very own,

Major Edwin Rodriques.

The recipient of

the gallantry award.

Cheers!

- Cheers!

We salute the bravery

and courage you displayed

all throughout operation Blue Star.

It took a heavy toll on our brigade

and on your company in particular.

And my leg!

Hey beautiful!

I can't figure out if you're

getting older or younger by the day.

Edwin is greying fast

but you look the same.

Thank you!

Here, for your

beautiful better half.

She's quit drinking.

Really, since when?

Today, I quit every morning.

And that Brigadier Venkat, is

the secret of my beauty! Cheers!

Cheers!

Good evening, sir!

- Good evening.

May I have the pleasure of a dance..

.. with the lady..

I always had two left feet.

Now I've lost one.

Really!

You're quite the dancer, lieutenant.

Sir.

But no match to your

beautiful half, sir.

Beautiful half.

And the better one too.

And she has a

beautiful name as well.

Susanna.

What?

Susanna.

But you can call her..

Mrs. Rodriques, if you please.

Thank you.

You know you can't

handle the f***ing alcohol.

''I quit every morning.''

Stop fluttering around.

You're a married woman.

Are you ashamed to be my wife?

Then why?

Why do you keep

reminding me of my disability?

I'm sorry.

It's high time we had a child.

Once you're a mother,

you'll learn wifely duties too.

Did you visit the gynaecologist?

All tests are normal.

Then why can't you conceive?

The doctor says, there's

nothing wrong with me.

So now..

I'm disabled in bed too?

''I've come from Alabama,

with a banjo on my knee.. ''

''Oh Susanna! Won't

you cry for me.. ''

How often have I told you

to knock before entering?

Knock, knock!

Next time, I'll bury you alive.

This was bound to happen,

my friends!

Marry in a haste and..

Repent at leisure.

You want to break his other leg?

Don't f*** around with him.

At the end of the day,

you'll be the one to be f***ed.

Sir! Are you alright?

You bastard!

Son of a b*tch.

So you want to fight?

Goonga.. Goonga..

Goonga.. Goonga..

Goonga.. Goonga..

Goonga.. Goonga..

Goonga.. what happened?

What happened?

What happened?

Ghalib.. Ghalib!

He will survive.

But we're sorry, we

couldn't save his eye.

One eye is enough to

witness what's going to happen.

The next time I saw the

Major for the last time.

Going in search of

the man-eating panther.

Can I also have a drink tonight?

Just a drink?

No.

Minimum three.

And you should be fun!

We must be very still, very quiet..

.. or the animal won't come.

The beast in me is already here.

Major sir.

Major sir, panther.

The panther wasn't

interested in the goat.

He was looking for humans.

Can't tell whether the

Major lost his balance..

Or whether someone pushed him.

Nevertheless..

it took the forest officials

two days to find the Major..

.. or whatever was left of him.

I just couldn't get

myself to mourn for the Major.

Had fate given me another chance..

.. to woo my ''Saheb''?

Like a balloon my

hopes went soaring.

But she chose the guitar instead.

Indian women fall for a

guitarist over a riff.

And this a**hole had

the vocal chords too.

Before the wedding this creature

was called Jamshed Singh Rathod.

From now I'm Jimmy.

Jimmy Stetson.

You can call me Jim.

And you call me.. Susie.

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