A Boy and His Dog Page #5

of an honor

Now she's a scumbag!

Watch your foul mouth, boy.

When anybody on the committee speaks

You just keep still and listen.

Hey, how would like to have

a rifle rammed up your butt.

Michael!

All right, all right

You show respect, boy.

As I was saying

to be the recipient of an honor

that occurs but once

in several decades.

Now Mez...

let me have the original

elders proclamation, will you.

The fruit of your loins will enable the

productive citizenry of

Topeka to overcome metabolic

changes resulting from

months of subterranean living.

allow it to keeps its leadership

in the drive through to make this

in God's own image.

See, we've been underground too long.

Our woman can't get pregnant.

Every once and awhile

we need new blood.

We, need a new man.

announcer:
We are never

so happy, nor unhappy..

..a man...

announcer:
...as we imagined...

announcer:
Another helpful hint

for living, from the committee's..

..special kind of man...

Hahaha, you mean you want

me to knock you broads?

You talked me into it. Line them up.

You first, honey.

Take your hands off me.

Together with beseech thee..

..in the way of

righteousness and peace that

loving

and serving thee with one heart

and mind all the days of their life

they may be abundantly

enriched the tokens of

thy everlasting favor

Amen.

By authority vested

in me by the Committee

I hereby pronounce

you husband and wife.

According to the

ordinances and the laws

of the state of Topeka.

What got has put together,

let no man put asunder.

Amen.

announcer:
a man should never be

ashamed to admit he

has been in the wrong

announcer:
Which is but

saying he is wiser today...

announcer:
then he was yesterday

announcer:
another helpful hint for

living, from the committee's almanac.

Mez, you would have something

to help a well used throat

Be sure to get both

parents to sign right here.

Now, let's see brother Hathaway.

announcer:
Michael, amber reference

announcer:
air intake

valve, number 12.

announcer:
shaft 17B.

announcer:
Indicates heat buildup.

announcer:
repeat amber reference.

Chapter One, verse twenty-two, mayor.

God blessed them and said

be fruitful and multiply.

God Bless, that's a B.

You almost asked yourself

out of this honor, young lady.

Sir?

The committee.

Oh, well, I'm sure the

committee knows best.

Where are your parents?

Aah, Miss Mez said

it would be all right.

Uhh, they must have come down with

something because they

sure don't feel well.

Shall we keep the

schedule? Dearly beloved

Uhh, Brother Har...

Dearly beloved we are

gathered here today...

They made me do it.

You don't understand,

they made me do it.

Don't you give me that

I'm sorry bullshit.

You're as crazy as

these other damn nuts.

Keep your voice down.

Maybe stupid, but

they're not dumb like you.

Oh no? They bring me down

here to make babies and then

hook me up to this

machine, that's real smart.

It's population control, Vic,

in case you haven't heard of it.

35 girls are impregnated and then

you are killed, do you understand?

There are idiots like you

running around the place.

So you wiggled your little butt...

And teased me down

here to get beaten up.

They said kill me if

I didn't. Listen...

...and there is another thing

I want you to make sure of

on this most solemn and joyous...

I'm going to run Topeka.

You and me.

and maybe some others.

We'll be the committee.

Do anything we want, any time we want.

Let them bow and scrape for a change.

Just by springing me?

Yeah, and getting rid of the committee.

Where's my heat?

Huh?

My guns, where's my guns?

In the committee office.

How you got it figured?

Okay

Right out this door to

the right is Michael.

There's a crowd there.

We run through the crowd..

They'll come unglued, and

right to the right again

Big doors. Through the

doors we have help outside.

Don't panic.

God damn it.

announcer:
another

helpful hint for living

from the committees almanac.

Your guns are to the right.

What happened?

They'll probably be coming up.

They folded like I said they would.

Hey listen, Michael's got to be first.

And Jeb, then Wilson,

or we're all in trouble.

announcer:
And then the faint thunder

became an uproar the winds

changed to a great vibration of..

Then Lew, then Mez.

Then Doc. Kill Lew first,

'cuz he's the important one.

Where you going? The

church is this way.

Hey, we got to get them

when they are together.

Where you going?

I'm getting the hell out of here

I want to see Blood again.

I want to get into a

good straightforward

fight with some sonofabitch

over a can of beans.

I gotta get back in

the dirt so I feel clean

Wait a minute.

How can you just put

us out in the open.

You got to help us.

Good luck baby.

Vic please. You dirty, filthy,

stinking, rotten, animal.

You stupid animal. You

think I let you slobber

all over me and paw me

so's you can walk out now?

I didn't bring you down

here so they could use you.

I brought you down

here so I could use you.

You better kill them, then

I don't care what you do.

Please, no, don't leave

darling, please help me

I love you, I love you

My lips said that 'cuz you believe me.

Please, Vic.

announcer:
cooking skillets of

preferably of the non-stick variety..

announcer:
fry the bacon

until brown, but not too crisp

announcer:
then set it aside to drain

announcer:
pour off all but

two tablespoons of the fat..

I don't understand

you, all you can think

about is going back up

there, and about your dog.

That's like all the time we spent

together didn't mean anything to you.

announcer:
but they don't brown now

I don't see what's wrong with

staying down here and

running the committee.

announcer:
add the corn beef and

reserve the liquid for the potatoes

There they are. Killing them can

bring everything down here in powers

announcer:
Two tablespoons

of chopped parsley

announcer:
and add the greens.

Mix together gently but thoroughly

Oh, to kick them out. We

can do whatever we please.

announcer:
and add salt and

freshly ground pepper to taste..

Kill them, Vic, now.

announcer:
Red reference.

announcer:
repeat red, red reference.

Moron

announcer:
The committee.

Do it!

The Committee, sitting

an extraordinary session

11:
37 am.

July 4, year of our lord, 103

All present.

Bestow upon the Committee

thy servants of the seal

thine approval and thy

fatherly benediction.

granting on to them grace to fulfill

with pure and steadfast affection

the ordinances and the laws.

The state of Topeka, Amen.

You have ignored several warnings by us

informed of the rules that are vital

to continue the growth

of our beloved Topeka

What's been ordained by the

people could not be tolerated

Quilla June.

announcer:
Quilla June Holmes

2006, 1 hundred and 44

Lack of respect, wrong attitude,

failure to obey authority

How say you one and all?

Aye. Aye. Aye.

The Farm, immediately.

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