A Chorus Line Page #5

And a voice from down at

the bottom of my soul

came up to the top of my head.

A voice from down at

the bottom of my soul,

here is what it said,

"This man is nothing,

this course is nothing."

"If you want something,

go find a better class".

"And when you find one

you'll be an actress".

And I assure you

that's what finally came to pass.

Six months later I heard

that Karp

had died.

So I dug way down

to the bottom of my soul,

and cried,

'cause I felt...

nothing.

Okay, Don.

To be honest, I've been listening

to these people all day long...

trying to be honest. I mean,

say I pull a hamstring, you know?

Let's be honest. Here today,

gone tomorrow. You know what I mean?

Like the couple over here,

that just got married. I mean--

Every time I tell my wife

I'm going to audition,

well, she's got a right to--

you know?

I mean-- What the hell!

It's not a question of--

You know what I mean?

I'm a damned good waiter.

I got two kids, and a wife,

a mother on social security

I'm trying to keep from eating cat food.

So my daytime job--

It's not a question of--

Look, I'm a waiter,

that's what I am.

On applications it says "occupation",

I put "dancer".

You know how many waiter jobs

I'm fired of?

One time late, sure,

but auditions, never, you know?

One of my kids, sometimes...

like my wife says...

But, come on! On applications?

Tuesday, Wednesday. Summer, winter.

I mean, Jesus!

Look, I'm married to this sweetest

little wife in the world, but, uh...

I don't know...

Listen, before madam here

makes a big deal out of it,

Cassie is in the prop room till

the rain stops. I told her to.

What is she doing this for?

I don't think

she's been working too much.

What do you mean? She's broke?

Is that it? She needs money?

-I have no idea.

-I don't know.

Talk to her.

Val?

Goddamnit, Larry!

Is the loading door closed?

I'll get it.

Go ahead, Val. I'm sorry.

First of all,

let's get one thing straight.

I never heard of "The Red Shoes",

I never saw "The Red Shoes"...

I don't give a sh*t about

"The Red Shoes".

I came to New York because I wanted

to be a Rockette at Radio City.

There was this girl in my home town,

Betty Lou Heiner.

She had actually gotten out,

she made it in New York.

She was a Rockette.

One Christmas, she came home for a visit,

and they gave her a parade.

A goddamn parade!

I had to twirl a friggin' baton

in the pouring rain for two hours.

Unfortunately, though,

she got knocked up over Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

Anyway, that was my plan,

to be a Rockette.

But the problem was, I was so ugly

you wouldn't believe it.

I mean, I was homely. Skinny.

Flat as a pancake.

But anyway, there I was.

I got off the bus,

wearing my little white tights,

little white shoes, little white dress.

I looked like a f***ing nurse.

Six months later, I finally got

my audition at Radio City.

You know what the man said to me?

He said he didn't like my fan kicks.

I can do terrific fan kicks!

So I said, "Screw you,

Radio City and the Rockettes!"

"I'm going to make it on Broadway."

But in every audition,

I would dance rings

around the other girls,

but I wound up in the alley

with the other rejects.

Until one day,

after an audition,

I swiped my dance card.

On a scale of 1 to 10

they gave me for dance...

For looks...

Dance:
10, looks: 3?

And I'm still on unemployment.

Dancing for my own enjoyment,

that ain't it, kid,

that ain't it, kid.

Dance:
10, looks: 3?

is like to die.

Left the theater,

called the doctor for

my appointment to buy...

tits and ass,

bought myself a fancy pair.

Tightened up the derriere,

did the nose with it,

all that goes with it.

Tits and ass,

had the bingo-bongos done.

Suddenly I'm getting

national tours.

Tits and ass,

won't get you jobs

unless they're yours.

Didn't cost a fortune, neither.

Didn't hurt my sex life, either.

Flat and sassy,

I would get the strays and losers.

Beggars really can't be choosers.

That ain't it, kid,

that ain't it, kid.

Fixed the chassis.

"How do you do?"

Life turned into

an endless medley of:

"Gee, it had to be you"

Why?

Tits and ass.

Where the cupboard once was bare

now you knock and someone's there.

You have got 'em, hey,

top to bottom, hey!

It's a gas!

Just a dash of silicone.

Shake your new maracas

and you're fine!

Tits and ass,

can change your life.

They sure changed mine.

You're all looking at my tits now,

aren't you?

I'd settle for just one of yours.

Well, go out and buy them.

Have it all done.

Honey, take my word.

Grab a cab, c'mon,

see the wizard on

Park and 73rd.

For...

tits and ass.

Orchestra and balcony.

What they want is what you see.

Keep the best of you,

do the rest of you.

Pits or class,

I have never seen it fail.

Debutante or chorus girl

or wife.

Tits and ass,

yes, tits and ass,

have changed my life.

Thank you, Val.

Paul.

Sir?

When did you start dancing?

Not until pretty late.

Why?

I don't know why.

I just didn't.

What did you do?

Nothing much.

What was your family like?

We were close.

Any brothers and sisters?

Two sisters.

One died when I was 14.

How?

I really don't want

to talk about that.

I mean,

why do we have to talk about that?

Okay, Paul. Thank you.

Back in line.

Can he keep us standing here

this long?

Zach?

We've been standing here

for quite a while.

So, maybe we can take a five?

Take five, everybody.

Five means five, guys, not fifteen.

Stanley, can I hear the "One" routine

starting after the insert?

Uncle Larry's heartbreak kit.

One totally indigestible

cold pastrami.

One lukewarm celery tonic.

I'm going back on the 6:30 plane.

That sure's silly. You just

got here and I just talked to Zach.

C'mon, Larry, what's the point?

He doesn't think I came for a job. He--

Tell me the truth.

When I left, how did he take it?

You know how I knew how bad

he wanted me back?

'Cause he didn't call me once.

Not once to beg me:

"Please, come back."

As if I would, of course.

It's not that he can't be sweet

funny and even warm, but I--

Look, Larry, do me a favor, will ya?

He is what he is, and that's that.

Just stop talking about him, okay?

Cassie, Zach asked me

to give you this.

It's the telephone number of his

business manager, in case you'd--

-Well, he thought you might need--

-Some money?

-Cassie, he didn't mean--

-Money. "If I need some money"!

-All he meant was--

-Please.

If you change your mind

about going back...

My sister was such a little brat,

that was the reason.

But still, I guess it was

a little extreme shaving her head.

Would you like to hear about

the first time I saw a dead body?

I guess I was six or seven...

Larry!

Where the hell is Larry?

Larry, do me a favor.

Everybody, go downstairs and

learn the lyrics to the "One" routine.

Okay, let's go.

Kill the rail and

hit the work lights, please.

Cassie...

I'm trying to work.

Me, too!

That's what I'm trying to do.

I don't need a handout.

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