A Constant Forge Page #23

Never heard the man lament

about anything.

Strong guy. Even facing his death,

he faced it with such courage.

He was writing scripts, laughing.

He was that way right up

until the last day ofhis life.

And he was a very sick man

for a long time...

but he never changed.

He didn't change this much.

Still as interested. Still as excited.

Still writing every day.

I went off to Thailand to make a movie,

and he had gotten very sick.

And we had - He was -

He and - and the other people

involved were very determined...

that we make She's De Lovely-

"You know, like a real movie.

Goddamn it. It's a -

It's a good piece, and they should

pay us for it and everything else. "

And I felt that, uh, that it was

a tough movie to make that way.

And so then I got an offer

to do something -

I thought it would take a while

to get it financed.

And by that time, he felt too ill

to direct it anyway...

so we were talking

to other directors.

And, uh, so I - I was in Thailand.

I called him just to check in.

And he says,

"What the hell you doing there?

"You want to make this goddamned movie

or not? If you do, you let me know. " Bang!

I think that's the last time

I talked to him.

I'd always, uh, felt that

he was very hidden.

He was a person who was

not really accessible.

I mean, what you saw was not, uh,

what there was there.

And you could always see

this other thing -

I - I didn't know what it was - lurking.

So I was always taking a step back...

to see if I could see what it was.

Because he was never

fully visible to me.

And then we had lunch

about six months before he died.

And it was a lovely meeting.

It was so...

sweet.

All the personality was gone.

And all there was

was that thing that was hiding...

which was his soul, his essence.

And it was beautiful.

He visits me once in a while.

When I accused him in my dreams-

I said-

You know, I would walk along,

and I'll say hello to somebody.

And I'll say,

"How come you don't say hello?"

And he says, "They can't see me. "

I said, "What do you mean they can't?

Only I can see you?" And he says, "Yeah. "

And I said, "Did you come for me?"

He said, "No, no.

See, I just wanted to talk to you. "

And this is a dream I'm having.

You know, it was great.

You know, I thought -

I called Al and told him about that.

He said, "Yeah. Yeah. "

And it's nice when it happens.

Because he was so much

a part of my life, and, uh...

contributed so much...

in affirming who I am...

and - and how important I am

as a person...

which we all are.

And that's what he did

to everybody he touched.

Everybody used to say,

"Oh, my God. John's high.

I mean, he's smokin' -What's he smokin'?

He's always giggling. He's always laughing. "

He didn't. He wasn't.

But that facade of...

"Don't get too close.

Don't get down at me.

You want me, then go look at my films. "

What is this "bring the girls on"?

What kind of a place are you running here?

Bring the girls on.

Bring them on out.

Call the girls, man.

Introduce the girls.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Often when I see his movies, it's-

the experience of watching them is

very much like what it's like being with him.

In some ways that he would

drive me crazy a little bit...

and as soon as I watched his movies,

it would drive me crazy.

And then sometimes you would

suddenly be crying, and you'd -

I mean, that would happen around him.

It was the experience of...

of- of spending a day with him

was really similar, or a night.

Which is like watching a movie.

I mean, it's - I mean -

To me -And that's a real credit

to - to the way he made a movie.

Hey.

It's not accidental that if you sort of..

take his films and line them up...

they start out

with people in their 20s...

and then they go

to people in their 30s...

and people in their 40s, and by his final film,

he's dealing with people who are older people.

In a sense, he is exploring...

the stages ofhis own life.

But it's the stages of our lives too.

His films will be around forever

because they're unique...

and they're totally honest.

They are him.

And spending time with any

of his films is spending time with him.

And it's a unique, uh, place.

Do you know I used to be

very funny?

Whoa!

When were you ever funny?

- When was I ever funny?

- I've never heard you tell one stinking joke!

- And you never laugh at anyone else's! Never! Never!

- I used to be funny.!

- I used to be very funny.

- When?

When I was a kid.

It's a geography. It's a place that -

Cassavetes is a place.

You know?

And, uh, when you're not there, you miss it.

I love my films.

They are everything that is in my children.

They're everything that is in my family.

They're everything that is in me.

They're everything that is in my wife,

everything that is in my friends.

Yes, I love them.

And they're honest movies.

Whether they are good or bad

is another story.

These arejust straightforward movies...

about things we don't know about.

But they're questions I think people

ask themselves all the time.

His films are about

all the things that are really important in life.

Robert Graves once said

that before he wrote a poem...

he asked himself,

"Is this poem necessary?"

All that required for him

to write a poem was...

a pencil and a piece of paper.

To make a film requires

an enormous...

equipage and personage...

beyond a pencil and a paper.

All the more reason we should ask ourselves,

you know, before we make films...

"Is this film necessary?"

And there are mostly unnecessary films,

particularly today.

John's are all critically necessary.

He never made one that wasn't.

He talks about how what a movie-

when it's really good- does...

is it teaches you something

about yourself..

that you didn't ever recognize before.

That's what Cassavetes'films do.

It isn't the mirror up to reality.

It's a mirror

up to your soul,your essence.

It's a mirror up to your essence.

He can see to the soul.

And then he can bring people's souls...

out for us to share.

- Look at us. Look.

- Helpless. Helpless.

Hey, see this? This is my buddy.

- This is my buddy, you understand?

- This is my buddy.

We don't have - Look at these people.

They're beautiful people.

We're beautiful people.

You're beautiful people.

- Right. Right.

- Do you have to - to have -

- Drink this.

- Hey, here. Here.

Look at you! Look how much

prettier you are now.

Don't - Don't hurt this.

She'll need it later.

When he looked at you,you felt like

you were really being looked at, and really seen.

- And -

- No!

At times, it was very uncomfortable.

That's kind of what his movies

are about as well.

He would look at me differently

than anybody else looked at me.

You know, he would see different things

in me that he liked.

He would assess me differently.

And then he would provoke me

to be more of that.

He was a great mirror.

And we have to look at ourselves

and say, "Yuck. "

I thinkJohn looked around him

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