A Countess from Hong Kong Page #2

Plenni-pli-plen-what?

Just came over the radio.

You've been appointed...

Plenipotentiary Extraordinary

to the Court of Saudi Arabia.

I'll never get away

from the oil business.

You been sleeping

on that couch all night?

What's this?

Telephone numbers.

- And this?

- Some roughneck guy

got fresh with Natascha...

- in a nightclub and you clipped him.

- I clipped him?

- Steward, sir.

- Would you bring me some

Alka-Seltzer and ice water?

Yes, sir.

- Who's Natascha?

- You don't know Natascha?

You ought to. You were pretty

clubby with her last night.

- What do you mean "clubby"?

- From the verb "club."

To form an association

united by a common interest.

- I don't want to hear any more.

Where are we?

- Way out at sea.

- When did we leave Hong Kong?

- Two hours ago.

No, I'm gonna take a bath

and get myself together.

- I'll call ya later then.

- Yeah.

Uh, Hudson.

What are you doing, Hudson?

- Just making a note

of the telephone numbers.

- Don't bother with them.

- Oh!

- I beg your pardon.

Did I startle you?

- Who are you?

- I'm Natascha.

Oh, well, how do you do?

- Are we alone?

- I don't know. Maybe there's

somebody under the bed.

I'm sorry.

What are you doing

in that closet?

- Well, sir, if you'll allow me,

I'll explain everything.

- Go ahead.

I don't know whether you remember

the Baroness, the Countess and me?

Get to the point.

Then you fell asleep, so everyone left,

but I came back to look for my handbag.

Enough of that.

Why are you hiding in that closet?

I've stowed away.

- You what?

- I'm going to America.

- Are you crazy?

- Please don't get excited.

If you let me stay until the purser's

checked all the passengers...

I'll leave your cabin

and will never bother you again.

If anyone comes, I can hide

in the bathroom or closet.

- Who is it?

- Hudson, sir, with the menu...

in case you should want lunch

before the kitchens close.

Thank you.

Call later, Hudson.

You see how simple it is.

After the purser's checked everyone,

no one will know

whether I'm a passenger or not.

Now look, the best thing for you to do

is go straight to the Captain

and tell him what happened.

You were visiting friends

and you were left aboard.

But isn't it awkward if he wants

to know where I slept all night?

Of course not! What do you mean?

Tell him the truth.

There's nothing to hide.

- Who is it?

- Alka-Seltzer, sir.

Thank you, sir.

- Look, I must take my bath

and get dressed now.

- Yes, of course.

Do you mind leaving?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I can wait in the next room.

You don't seem to understand.

You cannot wait in this suite.

I have friends coming.

- But where can I go?

- That's your problem.

- Please let me stay

until the purser's checked everyone.

- No, no.

I promise. After tonight,

you'll never see me again.

You'll have to leave

these premises immediately.

I can't leave dressed like this

in the middle of the day.

- However, you can't stay here.

- I must!

Well, if you insist,

I shall have to ring for the purser.

If you do, I'll scream, tear my clothes

and swear you tried to attack me.

- This is blackmail.

- Yes, blackmail.

- Oh, no, I didn't mean it.

That was a stupid thing to say.

- Certainly was.

Of course it isn't blackmail.

I don't want your money.

I want to get away from Hong Kong.

- I tried to tell you that last night...

- You've told me enough.

You wouldn't let me explain.

- I'm gonna give you one more chance.

Are you going to leave this cabin?

- No.

- If you ring the bell, I'll scream.

- We'll see about that.

- Please, I never meant it.

- Stand away from that bell.

- No, I won't.

- Then I'll ring from the next room.

Oh!

Please, please, I beg you!

Now go ahead and scream.

Where is that steward?

- Steward, would you please

send for the purser?

- Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Don't bother. I'll go.

Well, I'm sorry,

but if I succumb to sympathy...

I'd have the whole world

on my neck.

Now, if it's just a question

of paying your fare to wherever

you want to go, I'll do that.

But you have to get off

at the next stop.

- It's no use. That's Japan.

They'll arrest me.

- Why?

- I haven't a passport.

- You haven't a passport?

How do you expect to land

in the United States?

- I'll get in some way.

- My dear young lady,

You haven't a chance.

The best thing for you to do

is return to Hong Kong.

Never.

I'll talk to the purser and see

if we can get you a cabin.

Who is it?

- The purser, Your Excellency.

- Oh.

- Here, in...

- Oh, yeah.

Good afternoon, Your Excellency.

Good afternoon, purser. I'd like to know

if you have an extra berth or cabin.

I'm sorry, sir. We haven't a thing.

We're completely full up.

There might be something

at Kobi, but I doubt it.

- When do we get to Kobi?

- Tomorrow morning at 11.00, sir.

- Thank you.

- Is there anything else

I can do for Your Excellency?

No, not a thing. Thank you.

Well, they're full up.

- Full up?

- Yeah.

We'll manage somehow.

Will we? Where do you think

you're gonna sleep tonight?

As soon as it's dark,

I can sleep in one of the lifeboats.

Whatever made you think

you could get away with this?

I didn't think. It was an impulse.

A chance to escape.

Escape? Escape from what?

Have you committed a crime?

Of course not. Escape from despair,

hopelessness, no future.

Nothing to look forward to

but dance halls and prostitution.

But I am determined

not to slowly die and rot.

Well, that's no excuse for your actions.

There's no excuse

for many things in this world.

You're getting off at Kobi,

the next stop.

- Then I can stay?

- Stay? I can't get rid of ya.

Now do you mind going

in the other room while I take a bath?

Not at all, Your Excellency.

- If anyone knocks, don't answer.

- No, Your Excellency.

- Lay off the "Excellency."

- Yes, sir.

What are you going to do

about food?

It's no hardship to miss

a meal occasionally.

- You want me to break down and weep?

- No, but...

Well, then, mark down what you want

on the menu while I lock the door.

Now, when you hear a knock like this,

you'll know it's me.

It's Crawford.

Come in, Crawford.

Harvey says not to wait

for him for lunch.

He's not feeling too well.

I think he's got an upset stomach.

I've got a little

upset stomach myself.

Excuse me, sir. The kitchens

will be closed in ten minutes.

Oh, here it is.

"Chicken a la king,

potato au gratin, string beans...

"cauliflower, a glass of milk

and caramel ice cream...

with hot chocolate sauce," sir?

That's about it.

Oh, no, sir. It's not bad

for an upset stomach.

Ogden.

Oh, excuse me.

Why don't you go to bed?

I thought I'd wait for you.

Oh, that is, I don't know where to go.

You'd better run along

to your lifeboat.

It's no laughing matter.

However, you can sleep

in the next room.

- Where are you going to sleep?

- That's my business.

There's another bed in the other room,

if you'd care to sleep there.

Thank you. I'm sleeping on the sofa.

I suppose you have

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