A Dangerous Son Page #5

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he was 12 years old.

A lot of these medications

aren't tested in children,

many of 'em are off-label--

sometimes they're like

for blood pressure

or something--

and that's a frightening

experience for a parent.

At this point,

a lot of the time,

someone guesses

at a diagnosis,

medicates for it,

"Oh, the medication

didn't work,

therefore you probably

don't have that syndrome.

Let's try another one."

And it feels like

the child is a dartboard,

and you're sitting there

thinking, "We'll throw this.

We'll throw that.

Oh, look, that one

seems to help. Okay,

I guess he must have this,"

and the diagnosis is the result

of a medication response

rather than the basis

for the assignment

of a medication.

Hey, Ethan.

Hey, why don't

you sit down?

They're gonna leave soon.

We want to tell you something.

I wanna go.

I wanna leave.

Wait, wait, we want to talk--

No, I need to talk

to you about something

with them.

Sit down.

I want to use my Wii.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

You can, but first they're

gonna leave,

and we need to talk to you

about something important,

so could you

just sit down?

I wanna go

on a ride.

Okay. Listen. Listen.

Listen, first let me

talk to you.

So, these are gonna be

your new counselors.

Okay? And then--

this is the thing, honey--

you're gonna

start seeing them

next Monday, but...

they are actually

in Lakewood,

which is past Tacoma, okay?

And you're gonna go

and stay with them

for a while.

Stay with them?

Like, live with them.

They're gonna try

and help you...

control those anger

problems you have...

'cause you always

say you want to try

and control yourself,

and you don't know how,

and they're gonna

try to help you.

So you're gonna

stay there for a while.

'Cause they're

just helping.

They are,

so you're gonna

live with them

for a couple months.

All right. Wait.

Is there gonna be everyone?

No. It's not a hospital.

It's a house.

It's a house.

Man:

It's a nice house.

Woman:

It's a very nice house.

So do you think

you are gonna be...

a big boy

and you're gonna

let them help you?

I'm gonna take you

to this place, okay?

What?

To their place.

Next Monday.

Next Monday.

You're gonna

start living there

for a little while.

Until three months?

Or six.

We don't know.

Is it days?

It depends on you.

No, months.

Like 90 days

to 180 days.

All right.

Yeah, I don't think

it's really sinking in,

but at least

he's taking it pretty well.

Woman:

That's good.

Mitch's dog...

is always in trouble.

So, this poor thing is

always staying at Red Hill.

This is the facility

that Mitch's dog is in.

He has all these reports...

for all the people

that come in here.

He processes

his experiences,

so, um, and how he does that

is he role-plays.

So he's made this

into a residential facility,

and the dog, you know,

needs to fill this out--

name, gender, age,

and why he's here.

And then sometimes

they go to juvenile home,

sometimes they're going

to Children's Hospital,

things like that.

So he role-plays

in order to process,

I think.

(sighs)

Hug?

Here hug.

(indistinct chatter)

(Ethan shouting)

No! No!

No!

Oh God.

Ethan, knock it off.

Ethan! Oh my God!

Stop!

(mutters)

Sh*t.

You b*tch!

Knock it off now!

You want me to turn around

and pull your hair?

You make me angry!

Stacy:
Ethan.

We're on the way to the place

you're going to be staying,

you're not gonna see me

for a long time,

and you want to act

like this in the car?

I don't want to see you.

You don't want to see me?

Okay. Well, guess what.

You're not gonna get to, Ethan.

Why don't you think about that?

Look, Ethan,

that's the house

you're gonna stay at.

Stacy:
Okay.

(phone chimes)

Hey, Ken.

This is Ethan.

Just trying to call you,

'cause today, I'm not being

with Mom anymore,

and I'm not allowed

to bring my electronics.

I-- I have to leave,

and I'm not gonna be with Mom

anymore, maybe. Right.

I live so--

I live super far away,

with someone else,

and that's all I wanted

to say. So, bye, Ken.

I'm gonna miss you.

It's my turn.

(kissing) Mmm.

I love you and I'm

gonna miss you so much.

(Ethan cries) Me too.

I really am gonna miss you.

You're my baby boy.

(Stacy coughs)

(sniffles)

(rock music plays

on radio)

Hey, William.

What?

Remember what I said.

This is temporary.

Yeah.

I'm gonna find

a place for us, okay?

And...

Okay.

You're gonna be fine.

You've done this before.

Where is it?

It's right here.

That it?

Mm-hmm.

Look at me.

It's gonna be fine.

Okay.

Okay?

Gonna get out

and walk around a little?

Can you come with me?

Of course.

Okay.

All right.

This isn't

permanent, is it?

No.

No. Not at all.

You are grieving,

you know, not your child

so much as the dream

associated with the child.

Definite feelings of guilt,

and then you play it

over and over again,

and then you think about,

"Okay, well, should we have

not have gotten divorced?

"Should we have worked

harder on our marriage?

Did that, you know,

make it harder on him?"

So there was all these things

along the way where it was like,

"If I had kept him

on a steady diet,

"more holistic

from the beginning,

"could this have been...

changed or the outcome

could have been different?"

So...

As a parent,

you will be blamed.

You'll be blamed

for your child's struggles.

You'll be told,

"Oh, you should just

take parenting classes.

That will fix it."

For decades, we claimed

that children

developed autism

because they had

cold refrigerator mothers

who are somehow

pushing them into autism,

that they had schizophrenia

because they had parents

who nurtured

an unconscious wish

that they not exist.

If we go back

a few hundred years,

we insisted that

parents caused dwarfism

and other deformities

which were a manifestation

of the mother's unexpressed

lascivious longings.

And we've dropped

the narrative of blame

in all of those situations,

but we still blame parents

when their children

are deeply troubled,

and especially

if they're deeply

troubled in ways

that involve criminal

or destructive behavior.

Liza:

If your child has cancer,

the whole community

rallies around you,

but mental illness

is not a casserole disease.

Nobody brings you a casserole

when your child's in the acute

care psychiatric hospital.

Creigh:
There was

a time when you spoke

only in hushed terms

of people with serious

physical illnesses like cancer.

"She's got cancer, you know?"

And... today,

you know, anywhere you go,

somebody's having a fundraiser

for somebody with cancer,

you know, we're having rallies.

We're going things that are

very, very in inspiring,

and people give

great testimonials

about the way they fought

battles and overcome

these serious

physical ailments,

whether its cancer

or diabetes

or-- or any sort

of disease.

We need-- we need

to do the same thing

with mental illness.

Cora:

I would like to see him

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