A Few Good Men Page #3

KAFFEE:

Nothing to be sorry about, Sherby.

Just look the ball into your glove.

He smacks one out to the same place. It bounces off the heel

of SHERBY's glove and into center field.

SECOND BASE (SHERBY)

Sorry!

KAFFEE:

You gotta trust me, Sherby. You keep

your eyes open, your chances of

catching the ball increase by a factor

of ten.

SPRADLING, a young naval officer, sweaty and out of breath,

walks up behind the backstop.

SPRADLING:

Kaffee!

KAFFEE:

Let's try it again.

SPRADLING:

Kaffee!!

KAFFEE:

(turning)

Dave. You seem upset and distraught.

SPRADLING:

We were supposed to meet in your

office 15 minutes ago to talk about

the McDermott case. You're stalling

on this thing. Now we got this done

and I mean now, or no kidding, Kaffee,

I'll hang your boy from a f***in'

yardarm.

KAFFEE:

A yardarm?

(calling out)

Sherby, does the Navy still hang

people from yardarms?

SHERBY:

(calling back)

I don't think so, Danny.

KAFFEE:

(back to SPRADLING)

Dave, Sherby doesn't think the Navy

hangs people from yardarms anymore.

(back to the field)

Let's go, let's get two!

He goes back to hitting fungoes.

SPRADLING:

I'm gonna charge him with possession

and being under the influence while

on duty. Plead guilty and I'll

recommend 30 days in the brig with

loss of rank and pay.

KAFFEE:

It was oregano, Dave, it was ten

dollars worth of oregano.

SPRADLING:

Yeah, well your client thought it

was marijuana.

KAFFEE:

My client's a moron, that's not

against the law.

Swapp! The THIRD BASEMAN takes one in the face.

KAFFEE:

(continuing)

Ow. That had to hurt.

(calling out)

Way to keep your head in the play,

Lester. Walk it off!

SPRADLING:

I've got people to answer to just

like you, I'm gonna charge him.

KAFFEE:

With what, possession of a condiment?

SPRADLING:

Kaffee --

KAFFEE:

Dave, I've tried to help you out of

this, but if you ask for tall time,

I'm gonna file a motion to dismiss.

SPRADLING:

You won't got it.

KAFFEE:

I will get it. And if the MTD is

denied, I'll file a motion in liminee

seeking to obtain evidentiary ruling

in advance, and after that I'm gonna

file against pre-trial confinement,

and you're gonna spend an entire

summer going blind on paperwork

because a Signalman Second Class

bought and smoked a dime bag of

oregano.

SPRADLING:

B Misdemeanor, 20 days in the brig.

KAFFEE:

C Misdemeanor, 15 days restricted

duty.

SPRADLING:

I don't know why I'm agreeing to

this.

KAFFEE:

'Cause you have wisdom beyond your

years. Dave, can you play third base?

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

About 16 NAVY AND MARINE LAWYERS (several of whom are women)

are taking their seats around a large conference table.

A PARALEGAL is handing out folders and some photocopied papers

to the LAWYERS.

We might notice that one of the lawyers is Lieutenant Junior

Grade SAM WEINBERG. Sam's serious and studious looking. If

he weren't in uniform, you wouldn't guess that he was a naval

officer.

CAPTAIN WHITAKER walks in.

WHITAKER:

'Morning.

LAWYERS:

(school class)

'Morning Captain Whitaker.

WHITAKER:

Sam, how's the baby?

SAM:

I think she's ready to say her first

word any day now.

WHITAKER:

How can you tell?

SAM:

She just looks like she has something

to say.

KAFFEE walks in.

KAFFEE:

Excuse me, sorry I'm late.

WHITAKER:

I'm sure you don't have a good excuse,

so I won't force you to come up with

a bad one.

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