A Foreign Affair Page #8

You've got too much junk on your mouth.

- Have I?

- Now, hold still.

Now... we're in business.

We forgot your sable.

You'll be quite a thing

at that officers' mess.

- I don't want to go there.

- Where do you want to eat?

I thought some civilian place.

In Berlin?

The place where that singer...

You know, that place.

- You don't want to go to that sewer.

- Yes, I do.

I want it dark and gay and with music.

Want to buy some illusions slightly used?

Second-hand

They were lovely illusions, reaching high

Built on sand

They had a touch of paradise

A spell you can't explain

For in this crazy paradise

You are in love with pain

Want to buy some illusions slightly used?

Just like new

Such romantic illusions

And they're all about you

I'd sell them all for a penny

They make pretty souvenirs

Take my lovely illusions

Some for laughs

Some for tears

- Look, it's a hollow bottle.

- That's where the profit is.

There should be

a Congressional investigation.

- Second the motion.

- Let's investigate another bottle first.

- More champagne.

- Jawohl.

Hold my hand, John.

Sure.

Oh, John...

I'm so happy, I'm in heaven.

Not that I was unhappy before.

I was just drifting.

That's it. Drifting on

a grey sea all alone.

It's not bad but suddenly you get scared.

You need another voice,

so you hoist up your heart and you wait

and nobody passes by, just grey waves.

Your heart gets frayed,

lashed by the night winds and rain.

So you haul it down, what's left of it,

and you resign yourself...

Then suddenly out of nowhere

comes a boat so unexpected,

all white sails on the horizon.

To you, my beautiful boat.

Phoebe, you make me feel awful.

Well, you are beautiful and you're fun

and you're good to me.

Stop it. I'm not that good.

Some day you may find...

You talk an awful lot for a boat.

To us.

Want to buy some illusions slightly used?

Just like new

Such romantic illusions

And they're all about you

I'd sell them all for a penny

They make pretty souvenirs

Take my lovely illusions

Some for love

Some for tears

- Good evening.

- May I?

- Get another glass, John.

- No thank you.

My, look at the kitchen floor.

- Look at what?

- Such a change.

This dress. This dress is from Iowa?

Oh, no, Berlin. Do you like it?

It's stunning but haven't you

got it on backwards? And the hair.

What did you put in

those pigtails, shoelaces?

- I like it.

- He likes it.

I shouldn't have mentioned the eyebrows.

Now her face looks bow-legged.

Miss von Schltow, I think

the pianist is looking for you.

Have you ever made any progress

hunting down that man?

- What man?

- My man.

Oh, a little progress, only that's all been

postponed on account of another man.

Look at him. Isn't he beautiful?

Phoebe, please.

She always kids me like that.

- I know he's not pretty but he's beautiful.

- When are you leaving Berlin?

- Tomorrow. It's our last night together.

- Too bad.

What he doesn't know is he's going too.

- I am?

- I talked it over with the general.

- It was to be a surprise.

- It is.

- I can't go.

- Yes, you can.

He hasn't had a furlough in four years.

This is a bolt from the blue.

I didn't have the slightest, faintest...

Miss von Schltow,

isn't it time for your next number?

There'll be no next number tonight.

May I steal

one of your American cigarettes?

Hey, Pringle.

John, the Colonel's looking for you.

- Colonel?

- Yelling his head off.

He's got enough blood

in his eye to sell by the pint.

- What does he want?

- I don't know. Get down to his office.

Check! Check! Er...

Go on. I'll take care of the check. Hurry.

- I'll drop you on the way.

- I'll take Miss Frost home. Get going.

Why are you going? It's so nice here.

- I got to go. Didn't you hear?

- I forbid you.

- Phoebe, this is the army.

- I don't want you to go.

I got to go.

All right. You're in contempt of Congress.

Take care of our friend. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Frulein von Schltow.

- How much?

- No, this is on the house.

- Thank you. Ready, Miss Frost?

- Sit down. Have some champagne.

Another bottle.

Sit down.

No, I really shouldn't

be in a place like this.

The stars at night are big and bright

Deep in the heart of Texas

The prairie sky is wide and high

- Deep in the heart of Texas

The sage in bloom is like perfume

Deep in the heart of Texas

Reminds me of the one I love

Deep in the heart of Texas

Don't suppose you boys

know the Iowa song?

- Iowa, where's that?

- In the United States, silly.

- Since when?

- 1846.

No kidding.

- Would you like to play it?

- We'll play it but we don't like it.

- My old campaign song.

- Sing it.

- No.

- You must. You asked for it.

Maybe there's some boats around.

Who knows? Go on.

Ioway, Ioway

State of all the land, joy on every hand

We are from Ioway, Ioway

That's where the tall corn grows

Fly away, Ioway

State of all the land, joy on every hand

- We are from Ioway... [Music:]

- (Speaking German)

We are from Ioway, Ioway

That's where the tall corn grows [Music:]

- Everybody, sing!

We are from Ioway, Ioway

State of all the land, joy on every hand

We are from Ioway, Ioway

That's where the tall corn grows

This is a raid. All military personnel,

get out their papers.

(Frost) Whoo-hoo!

Jawohl!

- Oh, will you...

Where are we going?

Pretty hat. Let me try it on.

What's this? What's happening?

Where are we going?

- To the police station. This is a raid.

- A what?

- A raid. We have one every other week.

- That's ridiculous.

They want to check up on our papers.

We Germans have to have

our papers in order.

But I'm not a German. They have no right...

Of course they haven't. There's

no reason why you should submit to it.

You just tell them who you are and

they'll apologise and let you go home.

Only on second thoughts, is it a good idea?

What kind of an impression

will it make on us Germans?

A Congresswoman of the United States

of America...

caught at the Lorelei.

And where did the Honourable

Miss Frost get that dress?

The black market, maybe?

- Want some coffee, Captain?

- No thanks, sir.

- Just as well. This is the only cup.

- Yes, sir.

How about a jigger of poison

with a hemlock chaser?

More like it, sir.

Captain...

I think you have as good

a war record as any man in this town.

You were on the first team since Normandy

and you sure carried the ball.

I know you were among the first ten men

to cross the Remagen Bridge.

I also know why you were in such a hurry.

Did you know what a hot potato

you had on your hands?

Well, not quite, sir.

I... had a hunch it was warm, all right.

Sometimes I wonder

if it isn't a waste of money

to import 11,000 ping-pong tables

for the recreation of you young men.

Captain, you might as well realise

we've been wise to you

and the von Schltow woman all along.

I kind of figured you were peeking.

The army has been counting on you

for a certain pattern of behaviour.

- You let us down but good.

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