A Good Old Fashioned Orgy

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1

Brothers, hold the line

Till we got something

This world is way too small

To feel like nothing

I was found near

The train tracks

Looking so homeless at you

You came like a copper

You said

"Son, it's time to move'

My love is comin'

I can barely hardly wait

Around

See you, Cal.

Well, if you hide

Your questions

There's no answer

I finally found the cure

For my own cancer

Yeah, yeah

Sue, no, no, no!

Kill yourself

on your own time.

My heart is thumpin'

I can feel it more

With every beet

My love is comin'

I can barely hardly wait

Around

According

to the Art of War by Sun Tzu,

every battle is won and lost

before it is fought.

Well, then I guess

you've already lost.

Oh, that's not very sporlsmanlike.

Let's f***ing go!

I ain't goin' to hell with you

Thats alright now, baby

Just one last thing on my mind

Some say

Come on, come on, come on

F***, yeah

F***, yeah

Come on, come on, come on

Ladies. Hi again.

This is the third time

we've been out.

I know.

We're shutting this down.

You don't wanna shut the party down.

You wanna join us.

Why don't you put the guns in

the car and you come on in?

Hey, Bill.

Sorry I'm late, buddy.

F***ing MapQuest.

I know it, bro.

I'm right with you with that sh*t.

Look, guys.

Is this about earlier? When you first

came, I thought you were strippers?

Because that was an accident.

You're just very attractive.

Those uniforms are banging.

If we have to come out here

again, it's a $1000 fine.

Close it down.

Okay.

Message received.

It's done.

You have my word.

I'm gonna go inside,

get on the mike, shut it down.

Johnny, rosin up your

bow And play your fiddle hard

'Cause hell's broke loose

In Georgia

And the devil deals

The cards

And if you win

You'll get this shiny

Fiddle made of gold

But if you lose

The devil gels your soul

I don't understand why you

won't just put it on.

Because I don't

find the notion of mocking

the American underclass

as amusing as your friends do,

and because I don't share

your desperate need to fit in.

By not putting the wig on,

you are setting yourself

and me apart

from my friends,

which is a controlling

and hostile gesture.

Fine.

Happy now?

Yes.

Now I'm Mr. Fun Times.

I'm very happy. Thank you.

I'm going for a smoke.

Good, because

it's a f***ing costume party.

Do we need to talk

quietly around her?

Oh, no, no, no.

She sleeps through anything.

Yes, you do.

When the babysitter bailed, Glenn and I were

like, 'F*** it. We have missed every party.

No way we're missing

the White Trash Bash.

Give it up for Glenn.

Glenn's getting married soon.

I really did it.

Aww.

What's the deal with your

bachelorette weekend?

Yeah!

I think it's gonna be

more of a bachelorette night.

And it's gonna be at

my folks' place in Jersey.

Oh.

Sorry.

That's gonna be fine.

That's totally fine.

Has anyone seen Glenn?

Human torpedo!

It's okay.

He's a doctor.

Hey, buttheads,

you guys seen Duquez?

Will you relax

with the doughnuts?

Oh, sweetie, I want to. I'm trying to push

the savory and all they want is the sweet.

I promise you

no one cares.

Hey. Where the f***

are the doughnuts?

Except him.

Guess what.

D. Duquez is AWOL.

That is unacceptable.

I gotta have it out with that guy.

Like the doughnut police.

Hey, get off of that thing.

It's Saturday night.

Well, it's Sunday in Korea, and those

motherfuckers don't stop working.

They make the Japanese

look like Jamaicans.

Is that the new BlackBerry?

Yes, it is. Got it at the office.

As punishment for not dressing up,

I'm putting this down my pants.

No, no, no.

Just don't do that.

My dick's checking your e-mail.

I'm sending a text.

Don't do that.

You have my life in your pants.

You cocksucker.

North Carolina

How kind will she be?

Hey, you two, get a room

or get a video camera.

Whoo!

Hello. Excuse me, miss.

Hi.

My name is Eric. This is my house.

My party, sort of.

You're looking at a bunch of options.

This is the one you want.

This is the finest box of wine

in the county.

Really?

Yes, delicious.

It has absolutely no body and an

amazing cough-syrupy aftertaste.

Go ahead.

Cheers.

Don't get it on your skin.

All right?

Oh. Yeah.

Wow.

Not bad, right?

Mmm. Really good wine.

Mm-hm.

Even better bean dip.

That's not bean dip!

What?

I'm kidding.

You knew that.

That's awesome.

You're the first person

to eat out of that.

Not many people are thrilled

about eating out of a shitter.

Really? In prison, we used

our crapper as a punchbowl.

Really? No kidding?

I have never seen you

at one of these things.

First time.

We'll have to change that.

We do these kind of things

all the time.

You know, Labor Day. We're gonna

have a big Winter Wonderland party.

Wow.

Snow machine.

Gonna be sledding.

Should be interesting.

Give me your information.

Ehhl

What?

Information?

Are you kidding me?

No.

Really?

Yes.

Yes, like what?

Like my social security number,

my college GPA?

Why don't we start with your

phone number and your shoe size?

Okay.

Okay.

I happen to have a pen.

Of course you have a pen.

You gotta be ready.

Always be prepared.

Ah, ah, ah.

What?

On my baby.

Look at that.

Oh, I'm so jealous of

this baby. I'm so jealous.

Oh, you wanna get out, I wanna get in there.

Ha-ha-ha. I'm kidding.

Kelly, local number?

Local girl.

You kidding me?

Get out.

Size 9 shoe.

Mm-hm.

You know what they say.

'Big shoe, big uterus.

I'll bring friends.

Real sorry.

If you excuse me, I see an

old friend just showed up.

I'll talk to you later.

Okay.

Nice meeting you.

Nice to meet you too.

Hey, fucko.

Excuse me.

I'm really mad, actually.

What's wrong with this guy?

Bye, guys.

Daddy's gotta go home.

One more for the road.

Shotgun!

Oh!

Michael.

I wasn't ready. Throw another.

A**hole.

You're supposed to catch that.

Come on, baby,

we're going.

Bye. Guys.

Bye, Katie.

I'm sorry if I got beer

on your baby.

You, you.

Where have you been?

I'm sorry. There was

a mess in the studio.

There was this

buzzing undertone

that was bending me over

and f***ing me in the ass.

Yeah. I'm not seeing

any doughnuts.

You specifically

said get the glazed.

They didn't have glazed.

I tried. There was jelly.

There was Boston cream.

Jelly, Boston cream.

Eric, I have a whole package

of ginger candies in my bag.

Hi, Willow.

Mmm, thank you.

But we're gonna be okay.

McCRUDDEN:

I found you a big brown naked!

I can't get it off!

I can't shake it off!

Hey, everybody

naked in the pool.

Well, that's a half hour

ahead of schedule.

Yeah! Anybody?

Anybody?

Oh, you all suck.

Chickenshit.

Want me to go to Brent's?

Pick up Entenmann's?

Don't worry about it.

Now I'm gonna go jump

in that pool

because McCrudden

is dying in there alone.

That's what friends do.

See, they don't leave each other hanging.

Where's your patriotism?

My man.

I got you.

My f***ing BlackBerry.

Dad, what are you

doing here?

Uh, hmm.

Oh, yeah, I own the place.

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