A Good Old Fashioned Orgy Page #2

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Cherie, this is my son, Eric.

Hi.

He's told me all about you.

Ah, yeah.

Great party. Thanks for

letting us sleep it off.

No problem.

Hm. It must have been

quite a fiesta.

Oh, yeah,

I guess so.

Did the best I could

with the turds.

I know you did, Bill. I wish you would

have let me know you were coming out.

Maybe we can throw someone

down on a couch.

Ah, we're not staying.

I just came out for the day to do a

meet-and-greet with the brokers.

Brokers?

You got the message, right?

I saw that you called.

I'm putting the house

on the market.

What? Wait, you're selling

our house?

Ah, I'm hardly ever

out here anymore.

It's time to unload.

But hey, what about me?

I'm always out here.

My friends are always out here.

So make me an offer.

Ah. Ha-ha-ha.

Dad, come on.

I don't ask you for anything.

How about this?

We go get breakfast.

We talk over

the house situation.

Maybe we all can chip in

for utilities?

Ah, I'm a little pressed

for time, kiddo.

We're gonna go play a quick nine

and then gotta get back.

Cherie's never played before.

I'm so excited.

Dad, this is f***ing bullshit.

I'll call you next week.

We'll do yoga.

I've said it before

and I'll say it again.

Your dad is a selfish prick.

Smoothie?

Ooh.

It's gonna be sad

not coming out here.

Me and Willy might not

even be around next summer.

The L.A. thing again?

Are you serious?

You just moved into

that place in Brooklyn.

But Willow's doing really

good with her acting.

She did that Pizza Hut

Latin America commercial.

Ooh, deliciosa!

Her dad is gonna hook me up

with a job at a big law firm.

What about the album?

I'll work on the album

while I'm doing law.

Yeah? Will you?

You know what I'm excited about?

Throwing one of these parties

in my one-bedroom apartment.

That'll be fun, right?

Maybe I can put

the food out on the fire escape.

Eric.

The band in the bathroom.

I have to get more outlets.

I'll get a power strip.

Why not? I'll splurge.

Eric.

What?

This is a major moment.

It's okay to let the hurt in.

To allow yourself to actually

be present in a moment.

Okay, thanks, doc. You really

make the moment more real

by talking about how real

the moment is in the middle.

No, I understand.

You're probably feeling

some anger and some

misdirected frustra-

Feel better now?

A little bit, yeah.

Dude, that was awesome.

Oh, f***!

Oh!

What about now?

Oh, much better.

Now I'm in the moment.

McCRUDDEN:
I don't

understand summer school.

Isn't the point of being a teacher

that you get summers off?

Well, they pay us poop, so,

what am I gonna do, waitress?

Oh, my God, the big news.

So the principal told me today

that the friendship bracelets that the girls

are wearing are actually sex bracelets.

Hmm.

What?

I saw something

about that on Oprah.

Girls we r these different

color bracelets

and every color represents,

like, a sex thing.

So if you tear off a girl's

blue bracelet,

that means

she has to give you oral.

Yup.

What's a yellow bracelet?

Uh, a hug.

Aww.

Oh, sweet.

I know.

What about purple?

Teabagging?

Oh!

Really?

Well, what is teabagging?

Balls in mouth.

Oh, no!

Teabagging?

What is with the kids today?

Well, the blowj*b

is the new French kiss.

Wow, we really missed

the boat on that one.

I feel like if we had had

sex bracelets back then,

no one would have

torn mine off.

Ohh. No, no, no, sweetie.

I would have torn off

your BJ bracelet.

You're just saying that,

but thanks, Eric.

Thanks for letting me

blow you.

You're welcome.

You're a good friend.

Hey, Dody.

Mm-hm?

Hi. Can I help you?

Are you Eric?

Yes.

Hi. We spoke on the phone.

I'm Dody Henderson from

the Henderson Realty Group.

And this is my associate

Kelly Tanner.

Hi. How are you?

Hi.

No, thank you.

Lame.

Oh, I shouldn't.

Mm-hm.

We can't wait

to get your house sold.

We need this place

clean, clean every day.

Water the lawns,

skim the pool.

You never know when buyers are gonna

stop by to say hi and buy, buy.

Oh, B-U-Y! Ha, ha!

Whatever.

Oh, and make sure the toilets

are clean enough to eat out of.

Yeah, whatever.

Maybe I should sprinkle some

rose petals on the driveway too.

Just do what you can.

Will do.

Wow.

What are the chances of maybe selling

this sometime after Labor Day?

You wanna sell a summer home

during the summer.

That's kind of the point.

So glad we're in

business together.

Om shanti.

Om.Shanti it is.

Vultures.

Yeesh.

It's light. It's light.

We should put it up closer.

Like there?

McCRUDDEN:
Oh, yeah.

That'll bring in all the right clientele.

Listen. Have you given any more thought

to the final Labor Day blowout?

I really don't know.

I mean, obviously,

we gotta do something huge.

But what do you do

for a final blowout?

Go out in a blaze of glory.

Heads held high.

I get it.

Deserved...

Holy sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

Here we go. Bingo.

What?

I got the concept right here.

Brown party.

Brown party.

Brown party.

Brown clothes, brown food,

brown drink,

brown clown,

brown balloons,

live music supplied by

Jackson Browne.

I don't know what you're

thinking. Is that good?

It's f***ing awful.

Take it easy.

I'm just spitballing.

It's not like you're throwing

ideas my way.

He spells with an E at the end.

Doesn't matter.

Holy sh*t.

We got a situation here.

Oh, my f***ing God.

Dude, she's wearing

a sex bracelet.

McCRUDDEN:

Holy f***, she is.

Oh, boy, that's trouble.

It's blue. It's blue.

Sword swallower.

When she reaches out for my

cone, I'm gonna snag that thing

and it's deep-throat city

all night long.

No, no, no.

Please don't do that.

Don't. No, stop.

Stop. Stop it.

I bet she unhinges her jaw like a

f***ing python swallowing a rat.

Um, do you guys

know what you want?

Yes, we do.

Yeah. We got a pretty good idea.

No, ice cream

is what we're into.

Do you think a girl like that looks at

us like we're a couple of old dudes?

The way we used to look at 30-year-old

guys back in high school and say,

'Oh, man, look at that

lame old guy hitting on Sue.

Ha, ha. Yeah, probably.

I don't know. Weren't 30-year-old

guys a lot older back then

with, like, mustaches

and jobs?

It certainly seemed like it.

Yeah.

What?

F***, dude, we're getting old.

Bullshit. Come on.

I got a foot cramp

the other day masturbating.

What? Doesn't make sense.

I swear to God. It happened.

Do you think that girl and her

friends really have BJ orgy parties?

Indubitably.

Really?

Duquez is right.

We got f***ing hosed.

Goddang.

Hey, what about that?

What about what?

What about that

for the final party?

What?

An orgy.

An orgy?

An orgy.

You wanna have an orgy?

Why not?

Get out of town.

it'll never happen.

Why not?

Why not?

Because people don't

have orgies, you know?

Oh, come on. They used to.

True.

Yeah, think about it, dude.

An orgy.

A good old-fashioned orgy.

Wowie.

That is a blaze of glory.

Okay. Now you know

I hate naysayers, right?

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