A Good Old Fashioned Orgy Page #3

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But I'm gonna have to say nay.

Really?

Really.

Are you throwing down

the gauntlet?

Oops, what's that?

It's on the ground

as we speak.

We're gonna have an orgy.

We're gonna have an orgy.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Okay, guys,

I've been mulling it over

and I have a concept

for the final fiesta.

All right.

What is it?

Whoo!

Fiesta.

While this will be

the most spectacular

and insane party any of us have taken

part of, it's not gonna be a big thing.

It's just gonna be us.

It's gonna be small,

intimate, special.

Oh, I'll make lasagna.

Yummy.

Oh, yeah.

We're gonna have an orgy.

Who?

Us.

Where?

Right here. Labor Day weekend.

Us? A naked sex orgy?

You're kidding, right?

No, I'm not. Why not us?

People used to have them

all the time.

All the time.

What happened

to our generation?

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

AIDS.

AIDS.

AIDS hit right

when we hit puberty.

And it scared the sh*t

out of all of us.

It turned sex into this big,

frightening thing.

He's right.

Kids today are freaks,

our parents were freaks,

we're a bunch of

f***ing pussies.

We're the lamest generation.

This is our chance.

Our chance to do it right.

Take back what's

been taken from us.

Isn't that from Goonies?

I am paraphrasing Goonies.

Orgy. Orgy.

Orgy. - Orgy. - Orgy. -

Duquez, come on.

You're into this, right?

What? Heh-heh-heh. No.

We're all friends.

It would just be too weird.

How do you know unless you try?

EW!

If we all went into this with an

open mind, it could be amazing.

In theory,

a noble call to arms.

In practice, I cannot

imagine a more awkward

and uncomfortably

terrible evening.

Oh, laugh, laugh,

laugh all you want.

Seriously, don't you get it?

This is it,

the final blowout,

and then the house is gone.

People move away.

Things change.

We need to think

outside of the box.

And inside the box.

Eww.

Mike, that's not

what I'm going for.

Come on. An orgy?

What?

What?

Are you serious?

Yes, it worked. Ha-ha-ha.

Come on. An orgy?

It's madness.

Ugh.

It's gonna be a f***ing blast.

Success!

Success!

Sue's in.

Thank you, yes.

Here we go.

Come on.

I'm gonna go meet Marcus.

Oh, my God.

All right, think it over.

Think it- Everybody, okay.

All right, I get it.

It's gonna hike a while to come

around on this whole orgy idea.

Right? Hero?

No, okay. H, h I

Very good, but go ahead, type it in your

BlackBerrys, pencil it in your notebooks.

Orgy. Orgy.

Orgy. Orgy.

Orgy. Orgy. Orgy.

So, Sue, you think this is how you're

gonna finally sleep with Eric?

What? We dated

in high school.

Come on,

that was ages ago.

You guys never,

you know, did it,

so it's kind of

unfinished business.

Yeah, but I've slept with

like a ton of guys since then,

so this doesn't have

anything to do with it.

Fine, but other

than social awkwardness,

give me one reason.

Oh, very well. How about

I give you several reasons?

Like, oh, I don't know,

chlamydia, the herp,

gonorrhea,

syphilis, papilloma.

The Steve McQueen movie?

No, that's Papillon.

The virus that causes genital warts.

Ugh. Why do you think

of this stuff?

Don't you remember the article my

mom clipped from The New Yorker?

No.

Condoms can't stop it

and it causes cervical cancer.

You don't have a cervix.

I don't know how you could have sex

in front of a room full of people.

I mean, I don't even like

to get naked at the spa.

I'm not saying that this is

gonna be easy for me,

but isn't that what

kind of makes it exciting?

I'm not saying that

it wouldn't be fun,

but it's an orgy.

What's the point of

losing all this weight

if you're not gonna show off

your new bod?

You haven't even worn

your bikini yet.

I still have

5 more pounds.

I think this could help

build your self-esteem.

There's the miracle cure. I'm gonna start turning

my clients onto group sex instead of Zoloft.

We're going to the beach.

At least do that.

It's our last summer.

Let's go to the beach.

Shockingly, I'm gonna pass on the

stroll through the tick-infested dunes.

Dude, I've had

Lyme disease.

It's not a big deal.

It's antibiotics, boom, done.

You know I have a needle phobia.

Okay? I can't go to the doctor.

The puncturing

the veins and the... Ugh.

Okay, whatever.

Enjoy the great indoors.

Yeah. Bye.

Okay.

Ooh, hey, Eric. Uh, could you

grab some sand for my ass crack?

I'll grab some

for your cervix.

Okay. Let's say you dated

four guys in one year,

right, and you slept

with them.

You'd be cool with that?

Totally.

And how many guys

have you slept with this year?

None.

Or the year before.

So really all you're doing

is sleeping with four guys

in, like,

a shorter time frame.

I never really thought

of it that way.

What do you think?

Insane, idiotic

and self-destructive.

Okay, hypothetically.

Mm-hm.

If I did decide to do it,

but at the last minute,

I totally freaked out,

they would let me out,

right?

Laura, it's an orgy,

not The Accused.

It's not fun

unless everybody's into it.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it.

Yeah? Yeah?

I'm gonna do it.

All right. Yeah, girl.

Hey, guys,

what's the celebration?

Just talking about how to get

Laura back in the saddle.

Whoo, yay!

I'm gonna find you a guy.

Glenn's cousin Frank

is coming to the wedding.

He runs a karate studio in Hoboken.

Pretty cool.

McCRUDDEN:

Okay, Game on. Let's go.

All right, John Kruk.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna throw,

and you're still gonna whiff at it.

Slow breaking curveball.

Oh!

Goddamn it! I dare you

to throw that again.

Sweet Wiffle,

the nerd's revenge.

Ooh, I got my

bunt face on.

Drills, ladies. Drills.

Let's go. Look alive.

Album cover,

hat or no hat?

Oh, Doug,

come on, man.

You've been doing this

for two years.

Mixing, remixing.

Hatting, no hatting.

Your music's awesome.

Get it out there.

No one will give it a shot if they don't dig my look.

It's an image-based industry.

What the f***(? This is why

you're headed for a shitty job.

You need to stop trying to look like a

rock star and start living like one.

Yeah, do the orgy.

Do the orgy.

You think Mick Jagger

would have said,

'No thanks, mate.

No orgy for me.

I've got an on-again-off-again

girlfriend.

'I don't

wanna cheat on David Bowie.

'No cheating on Bowie.

Hey, Willow.

I know what Tom Hanks

feels like now.

My only concern, Duque,

is that the hat doesn't

make you look gay enough.

Oh, yeah.

You could Photoshop in three

guys jizzing on your face?

Or on the hat?

Ooh, ooh.

That's good.

Hey.

You could take that five-song demo, make it a double album.

One with the hat, one without it?

You could call it, uh,

Exile on Hat Street.

Yeah, or Jagged Little Hat?

Oh, Meat Loaf. Hat Outta Hell.

What about Sgt. Pepper's

Lonely Hats Club Hat?

What if I just call it My

Shitty Friends Don? Respect Me?

Indie. You won't be able

to sell at Walmart.

Who's next up to hat?

Two and two to Harvey Key.

Sandy winds up and delivers.

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